What I Learned on my Hellish Journey Home Thanks to American Airlines.....

How my day started.........

Early morning beach scene on Long Island

It was time to go home....time to leave NYC and return to my normal life. After a week in the city, I decided to leave Manhattan and meet the ocean......I rented a car at the airport and spent my last morning on Robert Moses Beach, a thin strip of sand off the south side of Long Island.


I arrived at 7am.....to find the beach almost empty except for a few folks fishing.... a few nudists (one with a sock on his penis....either to prevent sunburn or because it was cold...I'm not sure which and I didn't ask) and a few beach walkers....like myself. Pounding surf, isolation, fog....it was gorgeous. I reluctantly headed back to the airport for my afternoon flight.


I was supposed to arrive home Sunday evening.....I returned Monday afternoon. American Airlines had some type of meltdown in Chicago...flights across the US were affected.......I could regale you with minute by minute grisly details....but instead.....I thought I would share 20 things I had learned on my hellish journey and unanticipated stay in Chicago overnight. So when you fly......you can benefit from my experience.


Things I've learned on my hellish journey:

1) American Airlines prefers certain people....that's right...they value some people more than others......they like them and wish there were more of them....I am not a preferred person. I have no knowledge of offending anyone at American.....I pay taxes, I fly as much as I can...and often pay a hefty amount for a ticket....but they still don't like me. They prefer other people...and they're quite public about it...."Preferred Customers can begin boarding."

The people American Airlines likes stand up with smug little smiles and head towards the plane....the rest of us are left to look around....and realize we are the dredges....the filler on the plane.....they don't like us.....they let us on....because they have to.......and when they say there's a life vest under your seat or the oxygen mask will pop out....you have to wonder if one is really there....because if you don't value everyone....why go through the expense of putting expensive equipment near them to save them in case of an emergency??

2) Never stick your credit card in Internet kiosk at the airport. Bored and not able to hook up to the concourse Internet system.....I decided to use one of those Internet check-your-email kiosks where you pay 5.00 for 15 minutes of net time. I stuck my card in....I moved the cursor....I pressed enter...nothing happened....I pressed other buttons nothing happened....I hit a number and it send me to a weird page on line.....I pressed ....I hit....I even waved over a friendly teenage boy who looked amused and asked him if he had suggestions.....he gravely shook his head....and pronounced it hopeless.....but the timer was still running....I was now up to 6 minutes....10 minutes with no way to stop the charges.....I thought of walking away....but the meter kept running....I called Hub ..."Google this damn company and see if there's a customer assistance number".....12 minutes.....15 minutes......."it says the site is under construction"......16 minutes....so I called my credit card......"help! it won't stop charing me"...they cancelled my card. I will have to dispute the charges.

3) Be nice to your nipples. Airports can get very very cold after long periods of time. Your nipples weren't designed to be permanently "on".....carry a camisole or t-shirt in your purse......return those missiles to their normal resting state....besides you really look silly trying to hold your breasts for prolonged periods of time in public.

4) Always get a no fuss haircut before traveling. When you in-room hair dryer doesn't work and when the hairdryer housekeeping brings up.... is missing a button ......you'll be glad you can just shake and toss your wet hair into a style... knowing hours later in the subartic environment of the airport it will dry ....and no that's not hair gel....it's a little frost...which works just as well.

5) Always bring food with you on board. Airlines are tricky now. They tell you to get on....they lull you into thinking you're going to leave the area.....and then you sit on the runaway for an hour or more....it costs 3.00 for a bag of chips now....so travel like my grandmother used to on long car trips... she always kept a bag of goodies with her....cause you never know and you never know.

6) Never sit next to a businessman with a Blackberry. They are fucking annoying...reading their email.....making phone calls....punching little messages out with their big fat fingers on the tiny keyboard...and you have to listen to them call their secretary or "administrative assistant" and say things like...."Mary make arrangements for a taxi to meet me.....Mary change my meeting schedule....Mary pull all the internal memos on the new project out for me and have it on my desk....Mary do you have a suggestion on how I can wipe my own ass because no one will do it for me here."

7) Never wear fancy sandals when you're flying. Oh they look cute....they make you sweet little manicured toes stick out so sexy.......but they aren't really meant for walking....and when you have to hoof it to K18 from K1 and then they change your gate a couple times or perhaps you need to walk to ground transportation on the other side of the airport.....those blisters will remind you ....fancy sandals are for show not walking.

8) Use down time in the airport to promote oral health. When you check into a hotel unexpectedly because you're flight is delayed....you'll have some choices...razor and shaving cream? or toothbrush and paste?....take the toothbrush and paste and bring it with you to the airport....brush hourly......your teeth will whiten....you gums, though bleeding, will be fresh and germ free....and let's face it ...it's something to do....and easier than shaving your legs in the airport bathroom sink.

9) Save your energy....positive thinking does not work on thunderheads. They didn't tell you this in "The Secret" but positive thinking should be saved for more esoteric things...thunderheads and the resultant turbulence will not go away......no matter how long you visualize a clear sky.

Thunderheads do not yield to positive thinking

10) Never fear a seat assignment in the last row of airplanes with rear engines. Yes, it's quite startling to look out the window and see nothing but the metal wall of the jet engine. But views are over rated.....and the hummmmmm and extra heavy vibrations you feel from sitting a foot away from a jet engine is rather special....bury those fears there's some kind of electromagnetic danger from sitting hours next to a whirrling engine .....consider the roar hypnotic and try and go to sleep ....remember to carry something along to make ear plugs for just such a situation.....Kleenex is a poor substitute for a proper ear plug and may not completely come out of your ear canal when you need it to.....remember the bright side....you'll be the first to know if the engine falls off.

More lessons on my next entry.

~~~~~

Ouch ouch....my feet and arms....Conference fatigue

Another beautiful day here in the city....the weather is just perfect and I'm glad since I have to do a fair amount of walking to and from the midtown bus to get to the convention center.

I stopped at the donut/coffee man stall across the street this morning....and after my purchase told the owner I wouldn't see him anymore....since the stand is not up on weekends...."See see I knew you were not from here....you smile so much..." which was a nice compliment.

It was a gorgeous walk to the bus and I love looking at all these handsome business men walking by in their dockers and ultra starched shirts.....sometimes if you get in back of a group of men.....their aftershave wafts after them....and hmmmm that always smells so nice and manly.....lol

If you can believe this.....A tourist stopped me to ask about the bus.....whoa.....I must look confident to be mistaken for a local....or very serious...since most folks here wear a very serious mask for daily life...lol

The convention started today with a children's session that was just a hoot.....I think they booked comedians instead of authors......then the convention itself opened.....the trade show of trade show in books....there was just a massive swell of women (the show caters to librarians) with huge bags....waiting to get their free books, merchandise or trinkets.....some of them were serious.....really serious.....grim-faced often with an accomplice and they were just scooping up the stuff.....wow....I was just picking a few things here and there....because I thought of the walk from the mid town bus to the hotel....and also thought about the 50 lb weight limit.

The Javits convention center lost their air con for a while...so there were thousands of people packed in the aisle sweating profusely....and carrying heavy bags of books. Not pretty....I finally gave up looking for a seat and found a hallway off to the side of the convention and just sat there on the floor for a while....cooling off....trying to cool down and calm down from the energy of the crowd.

As I was leaving the convention site...the last booth I saw had little Dr. Ruth there...the sex lady....she was signing some books about an the Druze....some pre Isreal pre Arab people that have lived in the Middle East? She was very cute and animated and very short....in a bright peach suit....so you couldn't miss her.

On the bus on the way back to the hotel...I looked up at the purse that was dangling at eye level in front of me (which belonged to a woman who was standing) and was shocked to find little brown eyes looking back at me....a tiny black poodle hunkered down in her purse. Good dog....it looks like it goes everywhere and knows how to behave.... it seemed happy to be gazing out over the rim of her bag and I'm sure if you weren't looking very hard....you wouldn't even have noticed it.

Have to jump into the shower because I'm both exhausted and stink....don't think I'll have Internet access till I get home on Sunday... I don't want to buy another round of access from the hotel...laptop addicts beware.......hotels list they are wireless but you have to pay at least 12.00 a day for the privilege.. New York is not cheap...lol....in fact the dollars have been flying out of my wallet...especially since all the service people at the hotel have their hands out.

Have only taken a few pictures.. I'll share those when I get home......

tah tah.

More Manhatten

So after crawling to my hotel room........I groaned because the concierge had made a reservation for me at a Mexican restaurant. They were booked on Thursday and Friday and it was now or never....so with the help of the doorman .....I found a cab and got in.....and for the next 15 minutes.....the cab driver who was from Bangladesh....harped on his morning partner that shared the cab......"I find ashes in the car.....on the front seat.....he says I don't smoke....what he think I'm crazy....I'm making ashes up?".....I nodded....I uh-huhed.....I said to myself ohhhh I wish I wasn't in this particular cab.....but I eventually got to the restaurant.

My waiter looked at me and said, "Oh you look like you have had a bad day....You need a drink?" Of course I did.....and had their famous pomegranate Margarita (10.00$ for a small 6 oz drink...ouch).....the man made guacamole at the table...."You look like you had a hard day" by this time.....I was thinking I better go to the bathroom and see why I looked so bad.....I actually had done okay at the agent pitch....I had pitched to 6 people...and got 4 invites to send the manuscript....but all had warned me that the book was educational....and hence may be a hard sell....education/reference books don't make a lot of money for publishers ( or agents )so you are kind of in the dog world for books.....

I knew that going in...but now it seemed to be tattooed to my fore head...yes I wrote a book that was educational......to me that was the whole fun it....passing the fufu.....attending a male beauty contest......eating camel meat.....Africa is going to emerge someday as a very strategic place in the world and it seems wise to begin teaching our kids some of the positive/interesting things on the continent.....lol...yes I'll remove the soapbox.....lol

I was pretty glum all day today too...even though I attended some interesting sessions......but then I saw a poster that made me think...it was at a bus stop.....there's a close up picture of a man's and all it says is to risk is to live....

Yeah....I thought....that's true and this is one fricking risk.....and then the poster has a dot.com addy on it.....I looked it up and its really a very clever advertisement for a new book coming out called in effect....strategies to use in hazardous situations......I wrote it down...and read the quick synopsis off the net....and then I didn't worry as much....I decided that if the agents said it was all too educational....I would rewrite the damn thing...and start thinking of a spin I could use or an alternative course......

You got to believe in what you do at least for a while....and then if the shit hits the fan.....you should..get out of its way.....and get a new fan.....
~~~~

Breakfast with Jesus and the other side of Manhatten

I didn't intend to have breakfast with Jesus but it seemed like a reasonable thing to do....the convention started today bright and early....and I was planning to walk down to the deli...when I noticed a coffee and donut vendor.

The vendors must be a day time operation and....for 1.25 you get a cup of coffee and your choice of donut....trust me you can get anything in NYC for 1.25 ....so this was a bargain worth stopping for...but then where to eat and drink?

The church next to vendor had a small garden tucked to the side behind a huge black iron gate...I carefully opened the gate and passed by an ultra white large statue of Jesus next to a park bench... I was a little hesitant eating a donut while Jesus looked down on me...especially with outstretched hands....if one was silly you could wonder if God was asking for a donut handout...but I didn't palm some dough onto him....and perhaps that's why when I got to 34th street I became disoriented and headed east versus west....in the exact opposite of the convention center. A nice New Yorker turned me around at the next bus stop.....

When I did get on the bus....I handed my 2.00 to the driver who looked at me stunned....metro card or exact change only. "Turn around and ask if anyone has change."

So like a throwback to my grammar school days when the nun made you stand in front of the class because you did something wrong....I had to address the rush hour bus...."Does anyone have change?" I was totally embarrassed but a nice woman gave me her metro card and I gave her my 2.oo dollars.

Outside of some general seminars....I was attending an agent/editor pitch session and was disappointed that there were only agents listed.....I wasn't sure I needed an agent...I wasn't sure I have a great book......but I went any way....people call these sessions agent speed dating...but trust me if speed dating is like this...it's one tough call....because you sit there pitching your dream and life to a somewhat cynical but cordial person who's job it is to get something out of you.....

I was so emotionally drained and exhausted by my last session....that I had to totally focus on finding the right bus home....which I did and this time I brought the right change....

(to be continued)....I think I'm going to drop off the chair.

Manhattan evening

Even if I could take pictures tonight and attached them to my blog....I don't think they would do justice to the beautiful evening here in Manhatten. 

 

I am here in New York City for a convention.....I searched hard for a small interesting hotel....wanting to stay away from the Hyatts and Sheratons....and found a boutique hotel in Murray Hill....a quiet residential neighborhood tucked into mid Manhatten. When I exit the front door.....Grand Central Terminal is glowing with the unique Chyresler spire off to the side and an array of modest sized friendly-feeling skyscrapers all around.....there's an island in the street with flower and trees....and there is a  full moon tonight.... a silver orb in a perfectly black sky.  The honking is modest; there's only the occasional groan of a bus....almost musical.

 

I just came back from an Italian restuarant....feeling very cosmopolitian eating so late at night verus my normal midwest dinner hour of around 5pm.....actually the whole dining experience reeked of new york city....the restuarant.....has a short wooden bar and tables when you enter.....men in polo shirts who looked like they lived in the neighborhood versus tourist whee sitting having drinks....the maitre de.....immediately jumped up from a table off to the side where he was having wine and salad and took me to the back room.....a low ceiling....low light place....with mauve and terracotta walls....with old oit paintings and murals on the wall....the linens were white and crisp and the waiter snapped my napkin and placed in on my lap.

 

In a few minutes a man started playing the piano....songs my father would cherish...peppy swingy things...like the Girl from Iponema....which is the only tune I could name and one my dad always liked to play way too many times....there were older men with white hair in suits and ties and older women in suits....they looked like nearby residents....there were a few single men....a couple in jeans that obviously looked out of place.....and a scattering of single men....men who also looked like residents of the neighborhood....as this was not a hip eatery.....  I stared at one older man for a while only because he had such beautiful wavy white hair....he sounded elegant and had a dark suit on ...and i was fascinated by the fact that he tucked his napkin under his chin.....

 

mid way through my most excellent meal (chichen in a champagne sauce with apples and figs) a single man sat down close to me....and now i was fascinated by the napkin in his pocket.....which was not tucked but folded or prefolded into several points.....he ordered diet pepsi and white wine....he gazed at me....completely unimpressed......then his pasta came and he slurped.....and picked at his salad with his fingers.....and this seemed so incongruent that i could have stared at him for the rest of the evening.....just trying to figure out why a man with a pointhy hanky in his suit pocket would slurp.....

 

their were numerous wait staff...hispanics being the table persons...dressed in short burgundy tux jackets and the regular waiters who were in tuxs....some of the waiters spoke italian to each other....and didn't sound like the u.s. was their orginal home....a table of businessmen left around this time.....perhaps a party of 6 and i swear each and every one of them were reading their blackberries on the way out the door....lol....

 

i almost ligered for a drink at the bar.....it was a cozy bar and not one where a woman would feel uncomfortable at.....but i went outside and walked around ....just letting the gentle breeze guide me.....and peeking in windows....trying to see what life was like her....some people were obviously in dinner preparation.....and one lower floor apartment I passed made me laugh.....I believe it was a therapist office....as there was a woman sitting in a chair talking to another woman in a chiar.....in such a cliche setting...bookcases on the wall too....that i just had to do a double take....this is obviously where some screenwriter found his scene.....

 

my little room at the hotel which seemed so small when i checked in....turned quaint and cute this evening.....soft....modern.....in tones of brown and black and gold.....in the evening light it felt comfortable....and i actually lifted the shades up for a white to watch the city scenes.....although i'm up on the 15th floor and must look down at everything.....before i entered the hotel....I saw a sign at the cross walk that said...no honking....penalty and I see why.....even 15 floors up you can hear the traffic....almost as if you were on the first floor....interesting phenomenon....

 

so now i can see the moon out my windown and i have a big tomorrow....starting bright an early at the convention center.....a full day....8-530....which will probably also be an exhausting day.....but i'm ready for it tonight.....

 

nite nite from manhatten

 

 

A Double New Year..........

My friend Krista and I have been celebrating New Year's Eve/Day for (we think) 6 years. Each year we write our hopes and dreams as well as the emotions we want to get rid of.......on balloons. We take them to a clearing....and let them go....so the gods and the universe are crystal clear about our intentions in the coming year.

~

One surprising consequence of this tradition.... is how much we have learned about helium balloons ....they're affected by temperature ( cold temps decreasing soaring considerably)...and they can be very attractive to tree spirits who are quite playful and nosey and not only like to hold onto balloons but read and contemplate the messages for a while before they let them go.

~

Trouble is.....Krista, smart wonderful woman that she is, has moved to Minnesota ( to work on her PHD) in the last few years.... and sometimes we're not together on the traditional start of the New Year. So we decided a New Year should begin whenever we get together.

~

A couple years ago our Year began in the middle of January when the temperature in Minnesota was below zero. We skipped the balloons ( knowing a lift off was impossible) and wrote our hopes and negatives on small white pieces of paper.... which we threw up into the air and onto a frozen lake. The gods immediately gathered them....white onto white.....and they disappeared.

~

Some years when we've had a lot of shit happen to us....we not only release our balloons but actually write our negatives down....and set them on fire. Last year....we used a little propane lighter to ignite them and then tossed them over the bridge onto a stream.....they burned for a long time......which looked spooky....these little fires burning on top of the water. It seemed the negatives had so much energy in them.....they weren't easily eliminated.

~

Which is another wonderful part of the tradition. Divination. What does it mean when the tree spirits holds on to your balloon...is that good or bad or indifferent? What if your negatives take a long long time to burn....does that mean you are still holding on to them mentally even though on the surface you have released them??? So much to ponder....and wonder....about what we dream and release into the universe. It's not only the sending...but how they are received which seems important.

~

This year....Krista came home a couple days ago.....it was warm.....which means good soaring weather...so we kept our tradition......and since Krista and I haven't seen each other for a whole year....and....the 28th is my birthday..... it was a double double beginning to a New Year.

~

We let our balloons go......and to our surprise ...they did not lift off....they hovered together at ground level....and actually stopped...side-by-side...by a tree....as if they were having a conversation with the tree spirit....then they lifted off into the sky....not quickly....but slow and steady....till they were up up and finally out of sight.

~

We wondered what this new twist meant? Why did our balloons stay so close together? Why did they visit the tree? Why did they take off so slowly despite the heat??? Hmmmmm....we both felt our negatives weren't big enough for a seperate burning so our balloons carried our positives and the things we want to let go off in one package to the gods...perhaps the double duty weighed them down a bit.

~

So here are are dreams and hopes and the things we want to eliminate in our lifes/selves ....going off into the universe.....

~

Our balloons seems eager to get going.

Here they go off...side by side.....hovering near the earth....and stopping in front of a tree.

Finally they decide to head upwards.

And there they are....still together.....going off to do their business with the Gods.

Happy New Year.

~~

A Dialogue Concerning Hazardous Chemicals

"Look at this....."

"Whoa....how did you do that?"

"I used that new hair removal goop."

"Did you read the instructions?"

"Of course I didn't read the instructions...... goop is goop."

"Hmmm....I would say in this case perhaps you should have read the instructions."

"How am I going to go to the pool like this?"

"Are you talking about the community pool?"

"Yes...it opens Saturday."

"Has it gone nude and I don't know it?"

"Of course, it hasn't gone nude."

"Then why are you worried about this?"

"Because I'm not sure I like it."

"I think it looks rather good."

"I think it looks funny."

"Actually I think it looks very good."

"You aren't listening."

"What did you say?"

"I said I think I should get a tattoo here."

"When did we start talking about tattoos?"

"At least it would be more ....colorful."

"Oh I wouldn't put a tattoo there."

"Why?"

"Hurt like hell."

"Well what am I going to do?"

"Uh.... leave it....it'll grow back."

"I bet it'll be itchy in a few days."

"No problem .... you can scratch yourself then just like a guy."

"That's not funny."

"Look at the bright side."

"What bright side?"

"You'll swim faster."

"What?"

"No resistance."

"Leave ....right now."

~~~~

"

Leaving on a Jet Plane.....Sort of.....

I have packing-block.

It's 11Pm and my two suitcases are lying open on the floor with absolutely nothing in them. Nadda. Zip.

My to-do list for today clearly stated: pack for NYC. I x'd out the whole afternoon. I always need a lot of time to pack because I become suspicious that the blouse and pants and shoes or the skirt and blouse and shoes.....which have worked together just fine till now....aren't right.

I'm not sure I can define "right" but it seems to have something to do with the idea that my clothes will come out of the suitcase and look "wrong" in the place I'm visiting.

Compound this insecurity with the weather forecast. Mostly sunny for the first few days with temperatures in the 70's during the day. Perhaps I could pack for that scenario......except the web site featured a fat purple sun puffing away billowy white clouds next to the forecast. It doesn't look mostly sunny....it looks mostly menacing....with a chance of rain? and what about temperatures in the evening when the sun goes down and all those billowy clouds are left?

And what does 70's mean? Warm enough to forget a jacket but cool enough to wear a sweater?

And then I hate to admit this but I also have..... fancy dress and shoes fear. .....I'm always afraid I will run into someone like Donald Trump or Brad Pitt.... and I'll be asked out to dinner and realize I didn't pack a cocktail dress and appropriate shoes.

Even when my logic debunks the myth that Brad Pitt will take me out to dinner, I feel a creepy anxiety about not having evening wear along. It's as if some big event is just going to spring itself on me....and I'll embarrass myself by going in business casual. So I always pack a fancy dress and heels ....and 99.9% of the time don't wear them.

So my empty suitcases are still empty...and now it's midnight ....and I've completed lost my chance to cross...... Pack for NYC.....off my to-do for today.

Maybe I can handle this tomorrow. I can x-out a couple hours in the morning. Prehaps if I pack the fancy dress and the sweater and the umbrella first.....I can lessen some of those bad-weather-big-event fears....then I can put on my solo fashion show in front of the bedroom mirror to make sure what I thought was right doesn't look like it will be wrong in a puffy purple sun city with billowing clouds.

~~~

Good Wife Rules.......Part 2

I know you want more....you just can't wait to get the next 9 rules for being a good wife or girlfriend......well...... here they are:

• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him; but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first-remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be home and relax.

• Your goal: try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Ladies.....these last four are my favorites.....I've italicized the parts I particularly like..

• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

• A good wife always knows her place.

Suggested place for a woman...note attire, meal suggestion and saucy little look.

~~~~

The Good Wife's Guide.......Part 1

Myrna, a friend of mine, emailed me a clipping from an old magazine. It's from Housekeeping Monthly and dated May 13th, 1955.

Titled, "The Good Wife's Guide", it lists 18 rules you should follow to keep your man happy.

Since that's a lot of rules...I thought I would divide them up.... to give you girls time to digest and memorize them.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and it's one of your duties to provide it.

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

• Gather up school books, toys, paper etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense satisfaction.

• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hand and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

• Be happy to see him.

• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Well.....I don't know about you....but I certainly need to run to Wal-mart and get some ribbons for my hair......I wonder how I can be a little more gay and interesting for him????

When the Spirits call on the Living......

Tonight I looked at my pictures of a Vodun ceremony in Africa. Vodun is the religion of Togo and Benin and other parts of West Africa. It is the religion that was carried to the Americas by the slaves and transformed into Voodoo in the Creole and Haitian cultures.

It is an old religion... some say it dates back 5000 years....making it older than Christianity. It is animistic, full of spirits and souls and the dead waiting to communicate.

Many of my pictures are blurry....logically I know it was the light and the lightening speed of the worshippers moving in the shadows. I was disappointed...but now...many months later..I look at these pictures and wonder if the faces....softened, saddened and sometimes contorted by the spirits that possess them....show an intimate and intense form of communication which has been lost in our culture.

We are so neat and tidy and crisp.....what spirits would want to visit us?



~~~~~

When Did Knitting Become Sexy?

I've obviously missed the boat on this sex trend. Yesterday in the book store, I passed a display near the craft section and did a double-take.....was the store showing off sexy photo essay books? No....they were Knitting Books!!

Of course my first thought when I saw the little knit bikinis.....was a practical one.....wear a knit in the water???....unless my sweaters are really unusual....wash a knit and they get real BIGGGGGG and Floppy....toss in the dryer .......and they get become toddler-sized. Of course, maybe that's the inherent fun in wearing a knit bikini.


I noticed there's some attitude associated with knitting. The most popular series centered around the word stitching and bitching.....which I guess is what you're supposed to do...gather some girl friends...get the needles out.....and bitch.....there's probably some voodoo-like qualities about this activity.....you can bitch about your co-workers, your men folks, your relatives and instead of sticking a pin in a doll....you can clang and clank your sharp knitting needles together.....providing some deep Freudian-type symbolism and relief.


There's no hope for me in getting on this bandwagon. I don't even sew, let alone knit. The feel of yarn/wool/ material....is scary....it activates my "don't touch this stuff alarm" which is deeply embedded in me. In fact, I take pride in the creative way I reattach buttons....and you simply can not understand how far hem tape and fabric glue can go...unless you don't sew.

The pool will be opening in my neighborhood in about 2 weeks. I can't wait to go....not only for a little color....but also because I'm going to be watching out for women wearing these little knits.......any bets as to what happens to the little knit suits when they hit the uber chlorine of pool water?
~~~

It's a Switzerland calling.....

Well Heidi-O.....I feel like yodeling......just made my reservations to Switzerland. Going to hallucinate someplace pretty while my body goes through central time zone withdrawal. I'm going to be in Yodel town for 4 days....then head to Slovenia.

~

Been working on hotels in Switzerland....looking for the cozy and cute and thought I found one...until I did more research online for some independent reviews....oh its a cute charming hotel....and the sex shop across the street is interesting too...but fortunately it doesn't stay open as late as the other sex shops on the street....ahhhhh.....I think I'll pass this type of charming. Zeroing in on a few other "charming" hotels....but hoping what they call charming and what I call charming is the same thing.

~

Went into total angst last night....asking hub...."Do you think I can spend 4 days alone in Zurich and be okay?" He shrugged...."What? You crossed AFRICA....what are you worried about?"

~

I guess that's it....there won't be any sympathy anymore no matter where I go or how insecure I feel...since I traveled Africa........people will think I can handle ANYTHING....but that's not true....each trip I go on solo or semi-solo holds some concerns...challenges me in a way....my god I can't pronounce one single street in Zurich...and with my Chicago lisp...do you think I'm going to be able to say...Bahnhofstrasse? And what about fondue? Can you eat it solo? Or will I have to find a Franz or Bernie to share the cheese? I mean really I worry about this kind of stuff....

~~~~~

Maybe Zurich?

I have been sitting in this damn computer chair for so long I am sure I have a flat butt. I marked this day on my calender as a day to start looking into Slovenia. I'll be leaving towards the end of June....so suddenly there doesn't seem much time left...especially without airline tickets.

Obviously I can't fly from my little city in the South to Slovenia....so I spent a long time looking at options....all with wonderful sounding names.....Amsterdam, Dublin, Munich, Barcelona and Zurich. I have a zillion frequent flyer miles so I have to fly American Airlines. To my big surprise, the flights out of New York City (where I had hoped to leave from) were nasty. Fly to Boston, fly to London, catch this catch that. I had hoped to go to New York before or after Slovenia in order to do research for my next book....(I know I don't even have the first one finished....but.. I absolutely already know what the second one will be.....which makes me either eternally optimistic here or extremely deluded.) Now...New York doesn't seem like a good option.

As it happens, Zurich out of Dallas......is the easiest possibility....Zurich....my god that Switzerland!!...The thought of passing through Switzerland seemed mildly amusing and interesting......but as I studied Adria Airlines (the official airlines of Slovenia) I realized I hit another snag.....the flight in and out of Zurich did not match.....when Gina needed to come in and out Slovenia.

And so the thought occured to me....rather than go through my painful acclimation to a new time zone in Slovenia why not in Switzerland? Where in a hallucinogenic state I could face streets called...Krahbuhlstrasse and Bahnkofstrasse. Wouldn't that be fun? I can imagine myself falling asleep before I even pronounce the avenue.

Jet lag is a real concern for me. My body holds on to the central time zone with a death grip. In Paris, I laid in bed those first nights with my heart and head pounding in the dark..I would even sometimes "accidentally" kick my hub...so he would wake up and keep me company. I tried Lunesta or whatever the new sleeping pill was....only to discover I didn't really remember any of Paris till about 2PM........which sort of takes the thrill out of visiting a new country......in the Museum D'Orsay....I actually got so weird I thought of lying down on a marble pedestal off to the side... to take a nap.....even though the marble pedestal was already occupied by a marble woman. Hey..I've slept with strange women before.... (I actually do have a great story about sleeping with a naked French woman in Thailand).

And so why not Zurich? If I'm going to be miserable and dopey....why not be miserable and dopey in a beautiful city....not that Lake Bled in Slovenia doesn't sound pretty.....but if I was going to take a few days to acclimate ...why not in Zurich? I guess I'll sleep on this.....do a little more Googling.....and then best get a move on it.....I found a little hotel in Switzerland...that is basic and clean and in the old section of town.....and has "writer's rooms".....rooms with a view of some cathedral....which for some reason makes folks want to write something down about the experience....sounds right....or....write? And really after Africa where spiders rained down from the ceiling in one of my hotels....isn't everything else a real upgrade?

~~~

Am I imaging things or do you get a Disneyland feeling when you look at Zurich?

I wonder if this is where Walt got his inspiration?

~~~~

The Year (obviously) of the Snake.....

Sometimes you begin to love what you fear......you begin to see the beauty in what frightens you.

Copperheads are gorgeous: the tan camouflage.... rhythmic and intricate. They're aggressive. You can find a baby on your driveway....a creature no longer than a pencil ....and it will rear up and hiss at you. It doesn't care about the disparity of size......your smell, your heat, your presence....that's all it takes to activate it.

I scream when I see snakes. In Chicago, where I grew up, the only time I saw a snake was at the zoo or some special pet shop display. Snakes in California and Maryland were certainly worthy of a scream because of their size....but they were harmless.

The first Copperhead I met here in the South attacked me. I was in the backyard in the summer....popping weeds with a shovel. I heard a noise...a russling of leaves...then saw a big snake....I screamed and jumped back....the shovel swung in front of me....and there was a ping...a tight metal sound and I realized the snake had lunged for me.

I was so stunned an animal would attack me....that it didn't care what my intentions were....that I sickened and almost fainted. For an instant, I felt the vulnerability of prey. No wonder people aggressively beat back any animal which dares puts them in that position. Isn't that why we have tried to wipe out....bears, gators, wolves......anything that reminds us of that feeling?

The logical thing to do, of course, would be to clear the yard of brush and bush and do what most of my neighbors have done....plant grass, mow lawns, create the picture book suburban yard. But the things that attracted me to this neighborhood were the trees, the wild flowers, the blooming shrubs....the scent of wild honeysuckle. So my front yard conforms to the standard but I've left the backyard wild....leaving the elements which invite all kinds of wildlife ...even ones that attack you....intact.

The other night we found the first Copperhead of the summer on the driveway. My son ran in the house to get me. "Don't kill it,"" I shouted to the men folks.....we all stood back and gave it room. It coiled....protecting itself.

My hub fetched a grabber....a stick....with tongs at the end. I let out obligatory but muffled screams as he grabbed the snake's midsection. My son found a tall plastic laundry bucket. Hub released the snake into the bucket.


It was beautiful. It didn't panic....it was ready to strike. I peered down and felt myself smiling.....you have to admire a feisty animal like this.....ready to defend itself ....even though we were armed with saws and shovels and all kinds of tools that could kill it in an instant.

I convinced my hub to put a board over the bucket. I convinced him to sit in the back seat of our car with the bucket and the board and the snake. The snake didn't deserve to die simply because people have changed its habitat.

I drove a couple of miles down the road till we hit an area of brush. I kicked the bucket over....the snake slithered out...turned and reared its head at me. I was far enough away to laugh......and take a picture...the one mean dude picture up above.

I don't want Copperheads in my yard or neighborhood. It's too dangerous with kids and dogs and cats. But I admit I have this growing grudging admiration for them.....this growing respect...for something that so aggressively defends itself.....it's good to be frightened....it's good to be reminded that not everywhere and not every time....you win.

I'm hoping this Copperhead will be the first and the last of the season....but if it's not....I hope I can at least round the next one up and take it someplace....where it can just be what it was meant to be.

~~

Teddy's Perfume

I wear perfume. When I leave for work or a meeting, I always dab a little on. Most of the time, my perfume is based on a blend of oils from Singapore which I discovered 6 years ago in perfume shop in the Muslim section of town.

It was a beautiful shop with mirrors on the wall and delicate vials displayed on shelves and behind glass door cabinets. A young man approached me and politely asked if he could smell my wrist. I was embarrassed to offer him my white sweaty arm...but he took it gently and inhaled me.

It was...rather erotic...but he was all business...and in a few minutes created a special perfume for me...oil based rather than the customary perfumes from France which have an alcohol base. The perfume was thick and amber-colored and when I inhaled it....it calmed and relaxed me.

I still have a little left....I learned to copy the smell with oils I purchase from a speciality perfume shop which specializes in scents like amber and sandalwood. I wear this perfume in some combination almost every day except for rare days when for some reason I need to wear Teddy's perfume.

Teddy was my husband's roommate in college. Handsome, theatrical, uber-intelligent....he knew right from the first day of college he was going to be a physician. He was known for reading paperbacks in physics and chemistry classes and of course pulling A's in those very same classes.

Senior year....Teddy knelt down in the cafeteria on one knee and asked me to marry him. He promised me a beautiful house on Long Island's North Shore with a white picket fence. Had I been to the north shore of Long Island at that point in my life, I would have grabbed his hand and ran away with him. He proposed when my future Hub and I weren't seeing each other....and since I was still rather stuck on my future hub.....I gently took his hand...and said I would think about it.

While Teddy was in medical school he called me one night....very angry....saying if I had just said yes....perhaps things would have been different for him. Teddy had come out of the closet...and admitted he was gay. I never knew he could carry such hatred ....and when he hurled all these words at me blaming me for his fate....I was so wounded I cried in jags for days. Months after....he called again to apologize...and I began to understand on a personal level ...what a long and sometimes agonizing journey it is to admit to a different sexual orientation.

A while back....I visited Teddy....now a prominent pediatrician and community activist in his city. He was throwing a party at his fabulous yuppified old house near the city center. Although the party was "casual", I decided to dress up.....skirt, heels, makeup...good choice.

I melted when I first saw him.......he looked fabulous in the way gay men look fabulous....buff from the gym, expensive cologne.....salt and pepper hair.....perfectly ironed shirt... slim tight jeans...leather loafers. I realized how much I liked him...and still did......he took me by the hand and introduced me to a room full of his gay friends. "This is the woman I almost married." Jaws dropped, men ran in from the adjoining room to look at me....for Teddy had always been gay to these people so a woman in his life was rather .....astonishing. I wanted to kick him...because in a way....it was a highly theatrical...almost staged type moment...he must have loved it...... I was immediately engulfed by a group of men who wanting to chat with me. I could feel them studying and analyzing me ....who is this strange creature and why did he like her?

As the party wore on, I met a rather interesting woman.....stocky but pretty....who pulled me aside and told me she was a transvestite. He had been married and had three children...but was happy now living as a woman.

His makeup was superb.....in fact.....he whispered to me...that I needed to wear eyebrow liner since I was obviously a natural blond and needed to darken up my brow. He chastised me for not wearing perfume. "You have cleavage, natural cleavage....stick something down there that will smell good...men will be looking there anyway....so give 'em a whiff." He suggested I find a "cheap store" and buy...."Exclamation Noir".....a 25.00 bottle of perfume that he felt would be just perfect for me..... it would bring out my inner Marilyn Monroe. I wrote the name down on a small piece of paper he found in his purse.

At the end of the party....Teddy asked me to stay for awhile....we stood in the doorway.....holding hands waving to guests that were leaving. For a moment, it felt like we were living the life we could have....waving to people in the doorway of our house. He closed the door....we talked for a while...and then he walked me to my car. He kissed me on the cheek. We hugged for a long time. We both had tears in our eyes when I drove away.

I bought the cheap perfume and loved it....but it's a strange potion....borderline cheap...somewhat exotic....and no longer made by the company. It's very powerful so I can only wear it atcertain times and certain days and always under my clothes.... to diminish the intensity. Too much of it and you smell like someone that should be standing on a street corner....just enough and you feel like someone else.

Today I needed to feel like someone else......so I wore Teddy's perfume...and thought of white picket fences around houses on the North Shore.

~~~~~

Rediscovering Africa.......

All day long I fretted. I knew I needed to start writing again. I knew I had to finish my book..6 pages to go. The community project I worked on for the last 3 months took away my concentration and my time. I was scared I couldn't go back ....that I had lost my passion.

And then I found him. A simple picture among my pictures of the sub sahel. I cropped him out of a much bigger photo. I stared at him in awe...how beautiful and powerful he was. I cropped other faces...pulled them out of backgrounds....stared at them...felt them....until I couldn't wait to write.

I tossed away the outline I made earlier in the day. The pictures that spoke to me where the pictures I would use to tell the story about this part of Africa. That's how I wrote this book....I found what stirred my passion and my curiosity and I cropped it out of the much bigger story of my travels....keeping my fingers crossed....that what excited me might excite children or their parents or their teachers.

Now it's late.....and I have to work tomorrow morning....but I'm happy. I rediscovered where I was.....I'm in the same state of trying to find the most important part of the story instead of the just merely the story.

I'm going to finish the book...just look at him.....I could you betray such beauty and not?
~~~~~~

This is My Life?

My black hole community project is over. I finished on Sunday evening. For a couple of months, I've had two things pasted to my computer terminal...the quote "Embrace the Suck" and the number of days till I get "my life back."

On Monday morning, I got my life back and it ain't pretty.

First of all, I feel terrible. I can't sleep and wake up before dawn....I was looking forward to collapsing in bed and sleeping for at least 14 hours. That's not happening.

Next, I'm having strange food cravings. I didn't eat much over the weekend--- I was too nervous. Monday morning I faced a horrible calling for potatoe chips, sweet pickle slices, red meat and chocolate.

I ate potatoe chips and pickles for breakfast and was severely bloated and irritable by noon. Think puffer fish.

But the chips and pickles didn't stop the strange cravings....by mid- afternoon, I stopped en route to an errand at McDonalds. I don't like McDonalds and I think their meat is suspicious.....but the red meat craving simply guided my car to the golden arches.

I sat there eating a burger in the almost empty restuarant and felt like a preacher in a porn shop....sinfully chomping down on the slick and forbidden.

I had plans to answer emails on Monday night, plans to make plans for the rest of my life....instead I remembered where the hidden chocolate was stashed....stared at my laptop.....deleted some emails ......and got some stern graphic paper out to make a to-do list..... but I discovered.....I was clueless as to what to write down...and my life would have to wait till Tuesday.

On Tuesday....I woke up tired....I did not crave pickles and chips......however.... my red meat craving was still roaring. My son brought home a hunk of prime rib Monday night. I think I eat prime rib once every other year.... usually at a wedding or some formal type reception....I sat down and had it for breakfast......with ketchup......for hours afterwards I walked around holding my belly and groaning.....I felt like a very large cow was sleeping in my stomach.

Surely on Tuesday evening....I would start reorganizing my life.

Instead I found an interesting garbage bag on the floor by my desk. It was full of papers....obviously the men folks didn't take the recylcing out....I picked up the bag and noticed there were envelopes, magazines....paper flyers. I poked at the contents.....OH HO>>>> now I realized why I hadn't been worried or bothered by bills....the men folks had tossed all official and unofficial correspondence for the last couple of weeks in the brown paper garbage bag. I could almost hear my credit score drop as I painfully looked at bills which I knew should have been paid weeks ago. So I devoted my evening to making sure the electricity and gas wouldn't be turned off.

Surely today...Wednesday......I would get my life back in order.

I woke up at dawn, I layed in bed....and wondered where my clock was.
I read a few emails and answered them.....
I forgot to shower.....I watered a plant....
I wrote down some names in my address book....
I watched Judge Judy....always surprised how many smart women get hooked up with really really stupid men.
I sat on the porch and watched the rain....
I studied the tornado warning map on TV....and realized after ten years living in this state I didn't know most of the county names.
I made a mental note to thank my mom for an Easter card....but I forgot to call her.
I remembered I was going to Slovenia....but remembering I said yes.... is the only trip preparation I've done.
I read more emails...many asked me what I thought about my community project and what was my "perspective" on things. The word "perspective" made me nervous because as of 5PM this evening ...I had none.
I read the definition of "sexualization" as recently defined by the American Psychologist Association....sexualization: a person's value coming only from her sexual appeal or behavior to the exclusion of other personal characteristics. I found it fascinating and wrote it down on a piece of paper.
I listened to 4 cell phone messages from people I worked with on my community project. I saved them for 14 days ....and hoped I could deal with them by then.
I fed my writing fish twice who lives next to my computer because he had a hungry look in his eye and I'm not sure when I fed him last.
My cat howled at me several times because she is highly offended I was not home Friday and Saturday.
My hub reminded me when he got home from work... that the "damn cat" came into the bedroom each night I was gone at 5AM to let him know I was not there....secretly I think that's funny but I made a mental note to myself to drug the cat should I ever try to run away from home.
It's now almost 10PM.
There are piles of clothes in my bedroom, there's smelly laundry from the men folks piled in piles in the laundry room that suspiciously look like the piles I saw there weeks ago.
Another thunderstorm has come and gone.
My fresh blank graphic papers is waiting for me to record my new objectives and goals.
I have four pair of shoes in the computer room waiting to go somewhere.
My cell phone rings and it's my youngest son.....who stopped at the grocery store. "Do you need anything?"
Yes....I tell him.....double strength chocolate ice cream, fudge, maraschino cherries and a can of whip cream. I hear him gasp when I say, "can of whip cream. " He knows this is a serious situation.
When youngest son arrives home, I go downstairs and start cutting up the banana...half for me ...half for our lizard.

The men folks are staring at me...the polite type of stare you give to crazy folks.

I scoop ice cream, glop fudge on, toss bananas, squirt cream and add a cherry.

As I walk away....I hear my husband tells the boys.....

"Don't worry it always takes her a few days to come back."

I'm staring at the bowl of gooey ice cream on my desk here.

I'm hoping my life comes back to me real soon....because chocolate and beef can create dangerously smelly farts....and this is a really small computer room.
~~~~~

One of My Favorite Pics

My big community project will have me away till Monday morning....so till then...I leave one of my favorite favorite photos......it's amazing...look at the poor frog's expression....kind of a comic what the hell look.......man I have had days like this.

Till Monday................

I saw this quote the other day....and just laughed....feels like my philosophy of life....

"Do everything. One thing may turn out right."

... H.Bogart

Of course.....Not everything turns out right.....some things are just wrong.

I Think I'm in an Alfred Hitchcock Trailer.......

As you know, (of if you don't ....just scroll down) a snake was IN my mailbox followed by a penis which appeared ON my mailbox.

So what's next? I'm sitting in my daughter's vacated bedroom relaxing in her reading chair with my little cat by my side. Suddenly the cat stares up at the ceiling. I stare up at the ceiling and see nothing but hear...munch munch munch.

AHHHHH! I pound the wall...... hoping I can scare whatever it is out of my attic. My cat meows at the ceiling. There's a moment of silence....then munch munch munch.

Okay...what could be more irritating than sitting in your reading chair and hearing your house being EATEN by a rodent.?? I jumped up ready to investigate ...but my men folks could not be motivated to come with me......and I didn't want to go meet the muncher alone...I had Hitchcock-type visions of opening the attic door and having something jump on my head and start munching on my neck. So I moved to another part of the house to read and avoid the sound.

Today, after numerous meetings for the community project, I come home and decided to just take some deep breaths in the reading chair before beginning some laser focused work. I closed my eyes......took a deep breath......MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH.....

AHHHHH! This time I'm mad (and full of a venti double shot mocha cappuccino)....I grab a broom....I'm ready to fight.

I open my attic door and find a beloved Easter basket that belonged to my daughter shredded.


I climb the creepy little staircase up to the outer most part of the attic....the part that has only white fluffy insulation in giant heaps all over. But I can't see a thing....and the floor boards don't go back far enough for me to actually examine the spot above my daughter's bedroom. I'm really pissed now. Not only is this not going to be easy....but I'll probably have to call an exterminator....can we all say Cah Ching$$$!

I'm just about to leave the attic when I spy one of my storage boxes against the wall. The cover has been tossed to the side. I step closer.......AHHHH!.....the @#@$!@ rodents have eaten MY TAXES! They've shredded part of my tax records!!! There are at least 50 boxes in the attic.....baby mementos, holiday decorations, stuff.....and the rodents have picked my tax box....no less at tax time!!!!......

This is war.....in one week when my project is over.....I'm going to find the meanest looking exterminators in the south.....people who have never ever entertained a kind thought towards a rodent....and we're going to catch us some varmints.....and it ain't gonna be pretty.

Proof for the tax man in case I get audited.

~~~

The Yearly Lamb Cake Fiasco.....

This is the 2007 Easter lamb cake. It's not a pretty sight ...and I can't recall ever labeling any of our cakes as....pretty. Which is why every year....the entire family begs my husband to make the lamb cake...and why every year he swears he won't make one....since it will be subject to ridicule.

The lamb cake tradition started after college. I was living in Seattle....a hip...gray city populated by Californians and Swedes. Although I was happy to be finally living on my own...I missed the food and the elaborate traditions of my Chicago Eastern European background at holiday time.

This was especially true at Easter time...in my old neighborhood...this was a 5 day celebration...Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter, and Dyngus Day.

Easter Sunday was a wonderful day....we finally turned away from long sad religious ceremonies and started the day with a mass full of beautiful music. The altar of the church was surrounded by hundreds of white lilies. I always wore a pretty flouncy dress with slippery new shoes and the Easter bunny always left his basket on my bed while I was at church.

We had a huge family brunch of traditional food after mass --kielbasa, eggs, bread, hot cross buns, ham, sauerkraut.....and a store bought lamb cake. My grandmother also served Maneschewitz wine. I don't know why kosher wine was part of our Easter breakfast but I remember being served a thimble full of the sweet dark wine each year.

In Seattle...I could round up eggs and ham...even some hot cross buns.....but a lamb cake? No one heard of anything so odd on the west coast. One day in a mall, I walked into a kitchen store and saw a two piece cast iron mold of a lamb. I yelped with glee.....finally I could have a lamb cake on Easter!

Trouble is....I don't bake....and was clueless about using a baking mold. But my boyfriend, (who became future hub), came from a line of clever German cooks and offered to make the cake....and that's how the tradition started.

I don't remember what happened the first year he baked the cake....but I can tell you ...everything that could possibly go wrong with a lamb cake has happened since then.

One year...an ear fell off, another year a nose rolled away, some years the cake didn't fit together, there were years when mysterious gouges, gaps and uneven bodies emerged from the mold along with unsightly bulges...the most common malady is a broken neck. Our lamb cakes often lose their heads during the frosting process.

This year the head fell off...again... ....causing a blunt nose injury and requiring a kabob stick through the neck to keep the head attached. Hub also decided to try making a lemon pound cake from scratch....giving the lamb a rather unique jaundiced undercoating.

It was not a pretty sight.....and in a few minutes I'll email my daughter (who's at college) some pictures and tell her the state of the lamb cake....

"Look hon, look how bad the cake turned out this year."

And I know she'll look at the pictures and laugh....because an ugly lamb cake...makes everyone happy.

~~

This is NOT a Pretty-Picture Posting in a Blog

Don't get any funny ideas.....I've not gone girly or soft or fru fru picture-oriented.....it just that there are three things going on in my life now.

1) working on the black-hole community project which is sucking up all my time and mental energy (hey will someone turn on a light...it's dark in here)


2 ) wistfully gazing out the window at my kinky azaleas...

I have a couple of bi-colored plants ....the same plant throws out dark pink and light pink flowers .....( I am so tempted to say....I know a few people like that...but that would probably be tacky...right?)

~

3) shedding my skin.....not literally but mentally.......new career goals calling, new writing projects knocking...a call to bravery....

~

so now you see why I posted a pretty picture....I had no choice.....black holes and mental gymnastics are not exactly Kodak moments.

~~

It's Spring in the South...But We're Paying for It....

Hey there's nothing like a southern thunderstorm to announce the arrival of spring. And last night we had a good one.....even our deaf dog was hiding and our other dog looked like he just swallowed EX-LAX.

~

At one point the whole house pinged from hail that bounced off windows...cars....decks and lawn furniture. I love these storms....even though they scare me. I sat outside under our covered deck and felt what a southern sky can do. The lightening was so intense....the sky turned blue then white....wow.

~

Since I was a little kid....I always thought if you faced a storm outside you would be safe....sort of like David meeting Goliath.....till this day....I'm outside checking the sky when the tornado sirens blow....or I sit on the porch facing down the thunder. It feels better than being all confined and huddled around your emergency radio.

Science Project Hail

This is my front doormat. It looks like someone carefully placed Hail of various sizes for display.

Ooooh I like this one......lightening causing weirdness in my camera lens.

~~~~~~~~

Bobbit-ing the Mailbox....

What can I say? There's only one way to get an offending/surprising appendage off your mailbox....I showed hub the picture and he looked very nervous.....hmmmm wonder why?

~~~