Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fancypants aces her tests.

The vet pulled the scanner out...and I took a deep breath....she had already estimated Fancypants was a year or two old.....and now we would see if she was lost pet.

We both bent over to look at the digital readings.....but nothing came up.

Fancypants, the stray that wandered into our life, passed test one.

Fancypants had been absolutely terrified riding in the cat kennel in the car. She howled...and peed in the box.....and howled some more. After she was scanned, she decided she had enough of us. She turned towards us and gave us one robust hiss.

The Vet's assistant quickly grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and we proceeded on to step 2. Blood drawing. To live in our house she would have to be both AIDS free and Feline Leukemia free because of our other pets. Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates when the needle went in her leg for blood...but the assistant had her tight and she couldn't move.

Now we sat on a bench in the office and wondered what the results would be. We packed her up into the kennel ...and the Vet felt her belly again.....there's a chance she could be in the early stages of pregnancy.....and we waited.

20 minutes later, Dr. Cathy walked in with a smile.

"She's yours."

My son and I laughed.....

Full house again.....two cats...two dogs.

We just can't seem to break the cycle.

Welcome to the family...Fancypants.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Fancypants update.....on to Level 2

I can't believe the transformation. I can't believe the irritated hissing touchy cat that came to our house begging for food and water is this little "love bug." It makes me think she started out in life in a home and somehow got detached from her owners....either by choice or chance.

She's like a different animal.....and I'm happy to say she has graduated from being sequestered in the bathroom to now living in my daughter's old bedroom. She is litter box trained and has a huge appetite. I hope she not eating for more than one...I hope she's not pregnant.

Tomorrow....is the next big step.....we'll take her to the vet....The vet will scan her to see if she has a lost and found microchip in her....and then she'll get a medical checkup.

Now that I'm getting attached to her...I'm worried she has a chip and owners somewhere....but there's nothing I can do but wait for the scan on that outcome. And of course...medically...there's all kinds of pitfalls--feline leukemia, heart worm, plain old worms and fleas among other things.

Last night she curled up next to me in this big old flowered chair in my daughter's room. It's my reading chair and she purred while I read my book...just like my old cat. I was so spooked by the similarities....I looked down and asked, "Your not my old cat's soul in a new body?"

To which she replied, "Meow."

I don't know if that means yes or no.

Friday, August 20, 2010


"I don't know if I should tell you this mom." My son paused.... then added, "last night I saw a coyote down the street with a small dead cat in it's mouth."

"How close?"

"Half a mile."

Fancypants was safe....but for how long? I live on the outskirts of the city in a heavily forested subdivision....coyotes occasionally roam the neighborhood ....grabbing cats for a treat.

I went outside and checked Fancypants. She had wandered over and was meowing waiting for me to feed her.

"Tom, get the cat kennel."

He handed me the old plastic kennel and I shoved the bowl of cat food into the box.

Fancypants was hungry and cautious. She took one step into the kennel....and I pushed her butt from behind and slammed the door.

There was no turning back. I had a irritated, hungry, wary cat in a kennel and I headed for my master bathroom...where I could contain and observe her for a while. Was she litter box trained....was she going to hiss and nip at us?.....would she go wild enclosed in the room?

We noticed Fancypants in May. She was just a puff of white fur in the bushes. I figured out the fur was part of a cat....but...ignored her....could be neighbor's cat or a stray someone dumped. Because I live at the edge of the city limits....it's not unusual to see a stray dog or cat. People figure it's the edge of town....the homes are nice....here you take care of my sick/hostile/unwanted dog or cat.

I have two dogs....and one cat.....and I said to my husband....."it" is none of our business and we are closed.....no vacancy. Amen.

I saw her here and there....she began looking skinny....her mouth was open as she panted from the heat and the humidity. I left water one day in a bowl.....and a little dry cat food the next day.

Absolutely....totally no vacancy.....but I'm not heartless....I would put out some water for the poor thing.

I took my parent's ashes back to Chicago and wondered if we'd see the cat again....perhaps she would drift off now that water and food were gone.

When I returned....nothing for about two days....then I opened our front door and she was standing there.... pitifully meowing. Oh geez....so I deposited a bowl and a little food and water. I tried to pet her.....but she hissed and nipped me....after a little food and water....she stood quiet and let me touch the good scratching area behind her ears.

She was there the next day and the next day......each day....she sat longer or let me touch her just a bit more. If I dared touch her rump or legs though.....she turned and nipped my hand....not hard...but enough to send a message.

We headed off to Colorado and I wondered what would happen to her.....yes yes the no vacancy policy.....no no ....no more cats.....the house is full.

When we returned....she was in our driveway within a few hours......meowing....looking hot and sad....and thin....I gave her a bowl of water and food and placed it in our garage. She ate quickly then stretched out on the cool cement floor a few feet from us.

I could list about 50 reasons not to get involved with a stray cat...disease, not litter box trained, aggression, perhaps unable to live in the house or tolerate other animals. She still hissed on occasion and nipped...not a good sign.

So I said to my hub...let's just keep and eye on her and see if she calms down...becomes more friendly then we can make a decision.

He agreed that was "wise."

But then the worse part of the heat wave hit last week.....she would come up to us and actually let us scratch her....she was also walking around with her mouth open....she was so hot...I gave her cool water....and she snuck into the garage and just plastered herself on the floor near a fan.

Poor poor thing...but I still didn't take her in the house. Once I brought her in....well that would be it.....a whole bunch of dominoes would get activated.....sequestering ....observation...visit to the vet.....more sequestering.....slow introduction to the other animals. Each and every step could bring big trouble...and who wants trouble in their house....dogs/cat fighting? what if she's a jumper and walks all over.... breaking things.

No best to give her more time....more looking.

Then Tom told me about the coyote.

Heaven or Hell here we come.

So we carried her into the bathroom and opened the kennel.....she drank water and stretched out on the cool floor tiles....in about ten minutes she was constantly purring. Tom and I took turns checking on her....each time we visited.... she would wrap herself around our legs....purring so loud she sounded like a motor.

Was this the same cat? Where was the hissing/ nipping.....steely eyed little spit of a cat that's managed to evade coyotes, dogs, and suffer through southern heat and humidity?

We were surprised....and she kept on purring all evening.

This morning.....I fed her....and put the bathroom carpets end to end on the floor. I have only a small chair in the bathroom which is uncomfortable and sitting on the tub isn't actually comfy either. So I stretched out on the floor.....on top of my rugs....and put the next chapter of my audio book on my son's Walkman. I could listen to my book and give her a chance to get familiar with me.

I was listening intently to the CD...when Fancypants....walked over slowly and studied me.

Then ...ever so gently ........she stepped into the space between my arm and my rib cage...a little nook of empty space next to me. She circled and slowly lowered herself down. She stared at me for a long minute... then draped her paw and her head on my arm....and closed her eyes.

I was shocked....was this the same cat?

I looked down at her....she adjusted her position..... then I felt her body go limp....as she fell asleep. I wondered how long it has been since she felt safe enough to sleep.

Damn....she's our cat now....I thought .......for better or worse.

I pet her gently behind the ears.....closed my eyes and listened to the rest of my audio book.

She purred and slept as if it was always supposed to be like this.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Yeah for butts and the women who have them....lol

Heard this today while driving around town.....made me laugh.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Women who .....Need estrogen?


Okay....I've stressed the affects of testosterone lately.....so I just happened to chance upon some women who obviously....need something....perhaps estrogen?

At least they should stop visiting their plastic surgeon....since the pictures were listed on a "Surgeries Gone Bad" feature.

The caption noted this socialite has paid close to 4 million dollars for surgery. Really?

I don't know who she is.....I forgot to write her name down.....might I suggest Barbie?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

And speaking of testosterone.......

Is this photo real? Is that third guy human? or humanely possible?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I smell testosterone.........

I've decided to join a gym.

Foot surgery.....an injury or two from working on my mom's house.....this that....you know....and you look in the mirror one day and say....."hmmmmm."

In our city there's a couple gyms....the 24 hour here's-the-machines-come-when-you-want.....the "club" where you have to have a perky ponytail, a coordinated outfit and shoes to match.....and for lack of a better name.....the muscle man gym.

Fitness machines look scary so I don't want to go to the all day all nighter do as you want....because I don't know how to do anything.

I also don't want to go to the "club." Where you have to chat and have a cappuccino....or wheat shot....I need to work without fussing about who I know and who I network with.

So I decided to check out the muscle man gym. Immediately I noticed something different. The parking lot was filled with pick up trucks. Not ratty pick up trucks....but shiney carefully polished...chrome things sparkling in the sun. Manly cars. At the "club"....I walked past scores of gray and black Lexus, Beamers...and of course....some Cadillacs.

When I walked into the muscle gym a man with a thin t-shirt...which allowed me to visualize the 6 pack underneath....smiled adorably and welcomed me. I gently pushed the thought that he looked like a Calvin Klein model away.

He showed me this machine and that machine.

He needed to take a call....so I had a chance to look over the clientele. In the middle of the afternoon....there were two red-faced girls....huffing and puffing in short shorts and t-shirts on some machine.....and an array of young muscley men.

He rejoined me and herded me to the big machines....were the muscley men were located.

I swooned.

The testosterone was so thick....I flushed.... blushed...or afterglowed....maybe all three!

I stood mesmerized as this huge man....with huge biceps.....lifted huge weights.

Intoxicated, I could hardly hear my guide chatting away next to me. All I could do was watch the muscle man....push...push...push.

Finally, I pulled myself away from the testosterone zone and back to the counter to look over the details of joining. It looked pretty reasonable and they had an array of personal trainers.

Today, a trainer called me. A nice guy named Chuck who talked about his credentials and asked a few questions. Towards the end of the conversation, I joked about the testosterone thick air in some parts of the gym. He laughed....and said most women found the scent "motivating."

I laughed....because I thought it was the truth.

I liked Chuck.....and if I have to inhale testosterone to get my legs strong again....well there are worse things to smell in life.

Chuck insisted I have a medical exam first.....(which I've scheduled) and if everything is okay....he'll fit me in next week.

I told him I was nervous.

No problem he said.....just show up in comfy clothes.....and take a deep breath.

A deep breath.....Hmmmm.......I hope I don't wake up with a beard one morning after inhaling those manly smells three times a week.

Oh well, I could probably borrow my husband's razor.....lol.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Blue Girl

I am one blue disoriented anxious chick.

Vacations are supposed to calm...soothe....revitalize.

I came home and found myself pacing....unsure of what to do first and where to start anything.

If I was a feline....I'd diagnose myself at having the heebies.....a syndrome where a cat runs around the house....stares at imaginary things under chairs....and looks wild-eyed....yep that's me.

I've tried to think logically what might have happened up in the mountains....do I have too many red blood cells from the high altitude and now I need to pace? But why the feeling of disorganization.....I had to tear a couple of to-do lists because I couldn't follow my own list.

I'm a bit perplexed.

Yeah....I've got a ton of stuff to face....literary festival work.....work at home....work on line....and a new project I accepted....chairman of a silent auction. (I plan to claim the insanity defense when someone asks me why I took on that job.)

But I'm just ....wondering what's wrong and when this is going to end.

Perhaps I should blame the humidity....or the heat....when I drove home through Oklahoma....I kept hitting the dashboard because the temperature gauge registered an external temperature of 108 degrees. I kept thinking something is wrong with this digital reading.

Then I stepped out of the car and almost fainted.....it was 108!!!

And it's not much better at home.....I don't find 102 or even today's "cool down" of 98...exactly chilly. In fact, I stood outside today....and could feel rivulets of sweat running down my back and legs. Not refreshing.

As I said....not sure what to do with myself to calm down and get focused.....maybe I should ask the cat what to do.....

Here kitty kitty......


Monday, August 02, 2010

Heading Home

On the Great Plains

Decided to drive most of the way home on back roads and small highways.

Today we left Denver and crossed a chunk of Colorado on a two-lane highway headed south..... straight down the middle of the state.

Few cars....few trucks...no services.

But the horizon stretched out forever....the late afternoon thunderstorms were massive...you could see the thick gray sheets of rain coming towards the highway from miles away........thunderheads rose thousands of feet into the air and thick bolts of lightening hitting the grasslands on either side of us.

It was beautiful.

And not a Wendy's, McDonalds or Wal-mart in sight.

Tomorrow we head through the Comanche Grasslands early in the morning....can't wait.

Across Colorado