Monday, August 31, 2009


The house is quiet.

The clock is off the wall and doesn't tick.....the TV cable is disconnected.....the refrigerator does not clink with a new batch of ice cubes.

Everything is waiting.....

Waiting for the crew of women who will arrive in the morning...and begin re-organizing and pricing and placing things in places from which all these things will exit the house.

I'm waiting too....

to go to get catch the squeeze the last things into the car.

I dreaded this day.....the night before my parent's things are placed into hired hands.....

but now that it is here.....I have a sense it's time for all of it to go....

and for me to go too.....

one of the cats is sleeping next to my chair....she has no idea that tomorrow....I will quickly grab her and put here in a crate and move her away from the only place she has lived for ten years....

she is clueless about the changes that will arrive in a few hours.....

I sympathize with her......I've been clueless so many times in the last couple of years.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Woof ....Woof

In Chicago...and working like a dog.....

Sunday the woman in charge of the estate sale for my parent's home comes a' knocking for the keys.

Everything has to be looked at....organized and carried off by Tuesday morning.

So much work for one siblings and a family far away makes it tough.

Off to bed..up at dawn....then two rooms left to check, sort...pack a few things out.

nite nite world.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My baby's gone....sigh.

How can a blond be a blond if she doesn't drive a convertible?
I had to trade in my baby.
My youngest didn't need a car up north...but now he's down south and needs a car.....and I can't travel and haul more than my purse in my sweet vehicle of pleasure.
So I had to be practical and trade it only consolation... the manager at the dealership ...was a Miata freak....he gushed and ohhhh and sighed at my sweet baby....and he didn't laugh when I grabbed his hand and said....please sell it to someone who will love it.
In fact, he rushed out of his office while we were doing paperwork and told me he remembered a client, a woman already driving an older Miata, who wanted something fresher.
Well my baby was new.
So now I have a shiny black thing....very nice....very practical.....enough room to haul things....and a moon roof....which isn't exactly a substitute for a open top but will have to do.
Hub suggested I get woofers...or tweeters...or sub something or other to upgrade the sound from some audio boys in even though I may look ordinary on the outside....I will still be cruising on the inside.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

A little story.

"Where have you been?"

Leo held his arms wide open and waited for me to step into them. He gave me a hug then kissed each cheek.

"I'm old. I don't like it when women disappear."

"Oh Leo, I'm up and back to Chicago. "

"I know...I know. "

I stepped back and grabbed a small glass of wine. I turned to Leo and asked if he'd like a glass of wine too.

"No dear."

And that's when I noticed it......a small spark....a tiny twinkle in the eye.....something fresher...even exciting in his being....very low key....but definitely there.

"How have you been Leo?"

"Say that again."

"How have you been?" I half shouted and leaned forward toward his ears.

He bent his head forward too....hoping to catch my question with one of his clunky hearing aids.

"I'm just fine. Did a little traveling."

Sam, a white haired impish man, walked behind us. "Tell her about your girlfriend."

My eyes widened.

"Nonsense. Nonsense. You can't tell people anything without them making a fuss."

He ignored the remark. " I have a joke for you."

Leo always had a joke for me. Long, clever and usually a bit off-colored, I leaned closer to him...ready to listen. Because of his hearing problems, his speech was often muffled and I had to concentrate on each and every word....something he loved.

"There was this Jewish widow who hired a guy on the Sabbath to clean for her......."

I laughed.....just because he was so delighted to begin the story.

"Hey you two... service is about to start." The impish man turned serious.

Leo finished his joke......and I roared....loud enough so it echoed in the big foyer....which made him blush with delight. I grabbed him by the arm and said, "Let's go."

As we sat in our seats waiting for the service to begin, Leo decided to tell me about the woman.

"Well I went to visit my grandson's best friend's family in Baton Rogue. I met a charming woman, the grandmother of the best friend. She's a widow too, " he said. "Her husband died same time as my wife did...about a year and half ago. We had a nice time together. She likes my jokes too." He sat back in his seat and pleased...we didn't need to say anything else.

The service began and Leo and I quickly changed seats. I forgot I have to sit on his left side ....his better ear.

"What page is he on now?" Leo bellowed part way through the service.



"226" I shouted.

By now, the regulars at service knew I was prone to yelling pages or directions in Leo's good ear.

I used to be a little embarrassed by my loud directions but I noticed after I shouted out a page number...pages turned and everyone in my section was now on the right page.

"Did he say people are troubled by this passage?"

"Yes, he said people wrestle with this passage."

"He said what?"

"People wrestle with this passage."

"Well I don't."

And thus the entire congregation knew Leo did not wrestle with this passage.

After service, Leo seemed eager to talk to me about his new friend. She was a bit younger....75 to his 79. She was intelligent and well read. Leo had been an ophthalmologist and her husband had been a cardiologist so she was used to logical medical men. He mentioned she was charming at least three times.

"So invite her up."


" told me you have a cute two bedroom house, invite her up for a week. Now."

"You're being silly."

"Leo...she put a spark into you....I can feel it....that's wonderful...invite her up."

He looked stunned.

"What will I do with her."

I started laughing.

"Oh I know what you're thinking and let me tell you young lady, I've only been with my wife till she passed."

"I didn't say you should invite her up and have sex with her....invite her up and just enjoy yourself."

"What will I do?"

"Take her to a movie....a nice restuarant......does she cook?....let her cook her favorite meals for you....sit outside on the porch and drink a little a book together....share pictures.....take her to see...."

"Whoa young have a whole agenda already planned for me. I don't know her that well...I just met her."

"So what are you waiting for Leo?"

"Well I just met her....the timing is..."

"And she liked you and you liked her....duh Leo. I tapped my finger on his chest pocket.....I can see the spark in you Leo....enjoy each other...don't make it hard....just enjoy."

Leo stood there frowning...."Well calling her now might give her the wrong impression."

"And what impression is that?"

Leo laughed and swatted me.

"I'll call her after the holidays in September...after the High Holidays...that would be more proper."

"You're......." he wagged his finger at me and laughed. He didn't finish the sentence...instead he leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Leo ...we can both tell stories about lose and love these last few years....don't lose her."

He squeezed my hand.

I turned to leave...and glanced one more time at him.

Whatever the connection...the spark had taken a few years off him...lightened his body...his spirit...his heart. It is the nature of a spark to do those things.

"Call her." I mimed a telephone being placed to my ear.

He smiled ....a smile big enough to cross the room....and I touched my heart and prayed it would be so.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Naked again

I exited the shower this morning and sighed. My hub used the last towel.

I grabbed a hand towel for modesty, held it to my breasts, and headed down the hallway towards the kid's bathroom and the supply of clean dry towels.

Midway down the hall....I stopped....there was no one home....and my little hand towel was unnecessary.

This is not the first time I've been home alone in the morning.....but it was different today.

Today....all my children are gone.

My daughter.....graduated from Ohio State and is still working and living in Ohio.

My middle son moved in with a friend last month.

The baby of the family....changed colleges and headed off last weekend.

In dealing with the death of my parents....I've been so overwhelmed by the legal matters of their estate and the emotional pain of losing both of them.....empty nest syndrome wasn't on the radar especially since my middle son has always struggled with special needs. I wasn't sure when and if my son could live his departure....was a fuzzy concept to be worked on in a couple of years.

But last month, he announced that his friend needed a roommate. The rent was affordable and the place close to his job. He's not known for moving quickly....but he was packed and ready to go in hours.

He texts us.....calls us to ask questions.....and comes over for Sunday dinner. He's proud to be on his own....and I am proud of him.

Just the other day.....I relived the poker hot memory of a California school official pointing to a trailer for mentally retarded kids and saying, "This is where Peter should start school."

I am not sure if I said, "Fuck you" or "Fuck this school system.....he's not retarded."

He tisked at me.......and he followed through by writing me up in Pete's records as a "a delusional mother who would not accept her son's disabilities."

We yanked Peter out of his school and patched together schools and services for the next 12 years.

Sometimes I wish I could find that bastard...and a whole handful of other folks and say.....look.....he's working...he's driving....he manages his checking account....he has friends....and he's a success in his own way.

And now.....the greatest sign of his an empty room in our house and a chance to fashion a life.

But who knew all of this would arrive this week.... in this month of August.....on this day.......while I am ping ponging between Chicago and home....and trying to settle my parents estate......while I am jobless....and sometimes lost....and my own house looks like it was hit by an internal hurricane.

I dropped the hand towel....stepped over the dog....and headed for the bathroom and the my very big ...very empty house.


Monday, August 17, 2009

Returned home today and checked my blog....ooops....those darn nutz pic are huge!

I'm not anti-massive nutz but the pics are a tad bit overpowering.....on my laptop in Chicago they looked quite proportional....the joys of posting from distant

Size does matter.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Yes... can find testicles for your car on the Net

Well I had to find out.

I've never seen plastic testicles in any of our local stores....yet the pickup truck my son photographed in a local parking lot....wasn't the first vehicle I've spotted sporting nuts.

So I headed off to the net.....and bang.....first hit....a website and company devoted to nuts...or Nutz, as the company calls them.

The owner seems to have a pretty good sense of humor about his ten year old business selling novelty testicles.....because there's a cute and half serious video clip embedded in the home page.

I've only seen natural colored nutz hanging from cars and pickups down south where I live...but apparently there's a whole range of styles and colors..... to adorn your cars, trucks, scooters and

(are you ready for this?)


Yep....I guess some people slap them on the on their 4 make sure folks know that even someone with assisted mobility can have a tough spirit.

Seeing is believing so I've picked out just a few of the ones I thought were interesting.....

Gives a whole new meaning to "blue balls"....doesn't it?
These are tinted chrome.

These scare me and doesn't it defeat the purpose if you camoflauge them?

I sort of like by day....and glowing by night.....cause you want to have every one's attention 24 hours a day

All those vieny things are a bit unnerving in a natural color....but I do think the lipstick adds an interesting touch.

And if you aren't brave enough to mount them on your vehicle....for $5 bucks....they have mini testicles keychains.
Now ain't that special?
So Robert.....where's your car parked?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Do my areola need to be freshened?

I was happy.....
.....sitting on Wabash Ave a few blocks from north Michigan Ave....Chicago's golden mile.......and waiting for my appointment at a hair was sunny ...the perfect early morning temperature.....and I beat the traffic into I was killing time....relaxing with a cup of coffee and one of those glossy flyers which highlight local businesses.
Do you need your areola freshened?
I had to read that line again.
A permanent make-up tattoo salon had placed the ad. Services offered included permanent eyeliner.....perky eyebrows......and freshened areola.
In case you're not familiar with the's a bit of an explanation.
The areola is the area around the nipple, and it may be tan, beige, pink, dark brown, or some other shade that's darker than the rest of the breast tissue. Mother Nature adds some extra color here for a reason. Initially, newborns can only distinguish light shades from dark ones, so having this natural pointer to the nipple helps the baby latch on and get fed.
Women who have never been pregnant often have very pale areolas that are close to the color of their nipple and the surrounding breast skin. As pregnancy progresses, however, and upon giving birth, the areola darkens and expands in diameter.
Apparently with age....or with a breast augmentation.....the surrounding area could lose some of its natural rosy glow.
Now....I've heard of tattooing the areola after breast surgery for cancer or trauma. It's actually an art.... and can have, as you can imagine, quite a positive effect on a woman who has lost her natural tissue.
But freshening? Because....???? you've grown a bit older? and a little paler??
Damn that's just crazy.......but the seed ....thanks to marketing .....was planted.
When I returned to my parent's house.....and changed clothes....I pulled my bra down and checked my areola.
The site of me...frowning and looking at my breasts in the mirror....confirmed my worse fear....
I'm getting crazy up here in Chicago...big time.... and it's time to go home.
....which I'll do tomorrow.....
and in case you want to know....I think my areola are just fine.