Tuesday, October 30, 2012

White Bitch

I try not to be a bitch....I know bitches, I've seen bitches in action....I don't want to be one.  And I especially don't want to be a "White Bitch" one of those involved in racial one-upsman (or one upswoman).    But this weekend....I felt like a White Bitch and I was embarrassed and uncomfortable.

It started with hamburgers.  I was rushing around doing errands this weekend and the men folks called me on my cell phone to say they were hungry. Could I stop and bring home some lunch?  They wanted burgers.  Fine.  So I pulled into Sonic....mentally got my order ready and pressed the big red button.

"I need three Number 2 Combo orders."

"Wha ya kwa kdn lske d?"

Okay....what did this woman just say?  

I was dealing with a Southern accent, a African-American slang accent and a very cheap intercom.

"Excuse me?"

"Wha ya kdfd kkjkfssd ? wha ldkjk?

"I'm sorry I didn't get that...."

"What kdnf?"

Okay, so I've told her three times I don't understand her....there's a lot of cheap intercom interference...and what do I say?

So I just repeat my order.  

Silence.  Maybe it will be fine.

She arrives a short time later with a small bag.  This is not a good sign ...cause I'm feeding three men who wanted combos...burgers and tots and soda whatever.

She smiles and basically says here's your order.

"This is wrong....they are supposed to be combos.....I ordered combos...and they come with sodas too"

She looks at me ....kinda of like.... really lady?  and she says, you didn't say combos.  I didn't know what to say....I could barely understand her and I'm sure I sounded just as foreign to her....especially since we didn't even share a Southern accent.

"I said combos" but as soon as the words came out of my mouth they sounded a bit too rough.

I felt stupid....I couldn't tell her the truth....which was I couldn't understand her slang and accent....and I'm sure my uncomfortableness was coming across as bitchy rather than just being uncomfortable.

She turns on heel and goes back in....a guy comes out....looks me over and says "We'll change up your order."

"Fine."  I feel like there's a neon arrow pointing at my car along with an accompanying sign...."White Bitch in Here"...."White Bitch in Here".

The young guy comes back with my combos...with my sodas....and a couple of coupons.  They are for a 99 cent sundaes. 

"Here you go MAM"....I am thinking oh geez I offended her.

"Tell the car hop ...I'm sorry....I'm in a bit of a rush and my order was wrong...didn't mean to sound snippy."

He hands me the coupons and smiles big.  "No problem MAM"

Okay I now feel like a complete White Bitch... I wanted to say something to him....but I couldn't because it felt even weirder to say, "I couldn't understand her accent especially over the intercom so that's how this mix up happened" because then I was getting into accents and slang and it seemed like a trip down the rabbit hole.

I took my combos and drove home....but I felt uneasy....strange....as if I wanted to go back and say...hey I'm not one of those of folks....I don't look down my nose at people....but I couldn't and I didn't....and it still feels funny.


Monday, October 29, 2012

More Awkward Family Pet Pictures.....

These are just too good.....if I were the first guys....I would hope the python was fed before I played with it....and as far as the last guy.....well I guess if you're a nudist....having a dog around is really good for a lot of things.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Awkward Family Pet Moments

Thanks to Awkward Family Pet Moments. Com

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Hilarious! Romney as Dolores Umbridge...lol

I saw this on Facebook and it just made me laugh.......Mitt Romney  likened to Dolores Umbridge.

LOL....I don't know if the photo was retouched...but he seems a bit pink....with a matching smile.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Folded Egg Product

When I was writing and visiting New York to attend writing conferences, I often stayed at Hilton Hotels. On Long Island, there was a nice Homewood Suites, a place where you could sprawl out with easy access to the Long Island Railroad into the City or a 20 minute drive to the Fire Island Beach.  The Hilton in Manhatten wasn't bad either....or the one in Oak Brook, Illinois near my parents.

It made sense to become a "Hilton Honors Member" and start accumulating points. After all, who doesn't like a free room now and again just staying at hotels you would stay at anyway.

On my trip to Chicago and Ohio, I continued to stay at various Hiltons...from Garden Inns to Hampton Inns to Homewood suites....nice rooms, good locations and breakfast is often included..saves time to have my coffee, yogurt and egg right there.

But lately....the rather okay scrambled eggs of past visits has been replaced by what I call "The Folded Egg Product."  By the looks of it, it's supposed to be an Omelet...either plain or with cheese.  

Trouble is....it doesn't taste like an omelet.... it taste like a folded egg product disguised as an omelet.

The Folded Egg Product now seems ubiquitous in the Hilton chains.  At the lower end Hampton Inn, you slip your Folded Egg Product onto a shiny paper plate.  At the Homewood Suites, your Folded Egg Product has little buckets near it with salsa and shredded cheese so you can "liven" it up and you get to place your Folded Egg Product on a real plate.

I tried the Folded Egg Product once or twice but after that....just sliding back the steel/aluminum lid of the food tray and seeing them there....lined up like some fake tacos....or half a  Frisbee...or ????  Made me leary....and weary.  I know they must be easy to serve....obviously some frozen product which gets thrown into an oven ....but eeeewwwwwwwww......this is threatening my loyalty. And if the egg is fake certainly the cheese is too.  Double ewwww.

 Of course, God knows what the Holiday Inn or other hotels are serving....maybe the  Folded Egg Product is luxurious in comparison to other fake egg products.....maybe it's the best of the best fake eggs and I don't know it.

Trust me, after almost two weeks on the road and in hotels....I loathed the sight of the Folded Egg Product and ate only name brand yogurt and bagels...with my hot cup of coffee.

And what did I have my hub cook for me our first day home...which happened to be a Sunday?  Eggs....real ones from shells....sunny side up so I could enjoy the sight of the cooked yoke ...... I also asked him not to FOLD or bend or in any way change the shape of the eggs.....just make 'em flat and real.

Flat and real.

Friday, October 05, 2012


I am in Chicago tonight...sitting in my hotel room....with a zipped up hoodie and the heat chugging along.  I'm on my way to visit my daughter in Ohio and decided to stop in my ol' hometown to visit family, stock up on special food and do a tad bit of shopping.

It's been a wonderful but busy day.  I arrived last night in balmy 78 degree weather and walked outside to a temp of 45 degrees this morning.  Whoa....that made me retreat back to my room to try and find something warm.  The trouble with living in the South is that you get used to moderate temperatures and cold weather startles you.  It's like you pause and say..."What's this? Why is my nose cold?....Why are my toes aching in these sandals?  And in my in case this morning....Did I really pack Capri pants and shorts?  No jeans?  No-legged pants?  Apparently I was in a Southern frame of mind....cause I packed liked I was heading to Dallas versus Chicago/Ohio.

Despite the 45 degree temperatures....I stopped at Home Depot to check out their shrubs.  Dang....they had just the type I was looking for....a type that is on special order in the South till spring.  I thought it was rather early in the trip to start hauling shrubs...but they were 30% off and big and healthy so a few hours into my visit and I was already looking like a landscape truck.  The shrubs were so big I had to stop the car and rearrange them so they were sitting in the seats complete with seat belts around them.  All I need is a couple of little hats and I could pretend I was transporting some forest people.

Happy, very happy to find my shrubs....I headed over to the Yorktown Mall which holds one of my favorite stores...Von Maurs.  This is a store where I can walk in and find a dress in less than 30 minutes.  It's like magic.  I needed magic because my hub told me before I left that we had a "Gala" to go too in two weeks.  I'm thinking....did he really just get the invitation or did he just finally come around to letting me know.  Well...another lucky stroke....I walk in....and spy this dress....old Hollywood style off the shoulder with a rhinestoney-type brooch ...tight fitting ooh la la.  Okay....magic is being shipped to my house next week.

By the time I left the store....it was  mid-winter gray outside and I felt awkward in my cheerful Capri pants and bare legs.  Oh well.....I headed over to the best omelet restaurant in Chicago....Les Brothers.  I ordered a vegetarian omelet with toast and hash browns and a tough cup of coffee.  It was marvelous.  They have the best omelets.  I was now warm and happy with a dress in the mail and two shrubs in the back seat. 

Visiting my "Auntie" ...my mother's best friend was next.  She answered the door and I felt uneasy.  She had lost weight and looked more fragile.  She's 91 but you would guess around 81 at the most....beautiful skin....white hair always coiffed....and she remembers everything.  I have to ask her names of people and events in our past. 

But this time.....I felt a little fear.  Her sister who lived across town had recently died. They called each other every morning at 10am for the last 25 years.  Both were widowed.....and living alone.....they checked in with each other....laughed....shared gossip...and talked about Chicago news.  Now Jean was gone for my Auntie.....I imagine it is, in some way, like losing a spouse for they kept each other company for part of each day.

 As Auntie talked to me, I just worried.....like spouses that die one after the other....I wondered if this loss would put her in a downward spiral.  When I left, I gave her a kiss...then turned around and gave her another kiss.  She in turn handed me a bag she had hid on the couch with delicious pastries a neighbor had gotten from a famous bakery around the corner.  Food is a central part of Chicago.....so I might as well start stockpiling.

I headed back to the hotel room after my visit. It felt strange. I had to consciously make a right hand turn towards the hotel rather than a left hand turn towards my parents' house.  All my adult life, each time I returned to Chicago I had a warm bed and my parents to see.   Now....I was headed to a chain hotel. 

I had visited their graves when I arrived in town the day before....it was a sunny balmy late afternoon and I picked some weeds between the hostas and day lilies I planted a year ago and  watered them from the old spigot near the street.  I had learned to carry a waterproof plastic bag in my spare wheel well...so it was easy to cart some water up the hill onto the dry landscape.  I left a rock on their headstone as a remembrance and kissed the top of the stone near my dad.  It is still strange to come to my hometown and not see them.    Although I could have drove past their house after I visited the cemetery....I did not.  I simply did not want to go to relive what was lost.  The house belongs to someone else...and I didn't want to see the landscape or the house changed.  Maybe in a while....I can roll past their house and smile...but right now....my reaction is more like....how could the new owners remove my dad's daylilies?  Why did they put that awful planter by the front door...Why did....  It is best to let it sit and grow into someone else's place.

Tomorrow....in my cheerful inappropriate Capri's....I will pick up some Kolaches (Polish cookies) to take home plus head to Bobaks...a Polish marketplace and buy some kielbasa and Russian rye bread and probably some other goodies .  Then I'll head to Ohio.....where I was able at the last minute to get a room for Saturday night even though Ohio State is playing.  Yippeee....I can get in a day early and unpack and start the visit with my daughter.

And that is magic too.