My New LIfe as an Exotic Dancer.....

A couple weeks ago I had lunch at the Governor's mansion. I wore a dress...but just before I left the house I looked down at my legs and thought....oh no...they just aren't tan enough to make it bare legged with high heels.

So I went back to my bedroom and retrieved my thigh high stockings. What a smart cookie I am...my legs looked nicer and I was not encased in pantyhose in 100 degree plus weather.

At the end of the luncheon, I stood up and then quickly sat down. One of my thigh highs started to curl under my dress and was rolling down my leg!

Oh my god...do thigh highs have a shelf life?...a limited life of stretch that I didn't know about?

The Governor or his wife usually shake hands in the foyer after an affair....what if I walk up the stairs and my stocking rolls down to my ankle right in front of the head of our state?

I was horrified....and there's only so much tugging and pulling you can do in public. So I carefully walked up the stairs.....shook hands....and sauntered out of the mansion.

I made it to my car...but thought ..this is horrible....NO WONDER...women used to wear garter belts. It was insurance... your stockings held up no matter where you were or what you were doing.

So I was shopping in the big fancy Macy's here in Chicago and I thought....you know ...I should get some insurance....I should buy a garter belt and then when I go out someplace special....someplace where it was absolutely necessary to keep my stockings above my knees where they belonged....I would have peace of mind...and quite frankly it would look damn sexy if I ever tripped and fell over.

I browsed the elegant lingerie section and don't see any garter belts. But they're usually small and delicate and I thought they may have them in a drawer.

I spy a nice solid Midwestern woman who looks like she's in charge of the department.

"Do you have any garter belts?"

"Oh honey, you have to go to a wedding/tuxedo store for those."

"No, No....I don't need a wedding garter. I want a garter belt."

She looked horrified. "Like for pole dancers?"

"Pole dancers?"

We stood looking at each other.

She was obviously appraising my chance of being a raunchy pole dancer and I was thinking.... geez...I just want something to hold my stockings up. I left the startled clerk behind.

A few minutes later, I passed a Victoria's secret and thought they might be better suited for my quest.

"Do you have garter belts?"

"Of course...with or without a corset?"

I could feel my eyebrows arch. Insurance was getting pretty damn complicated.

"Without...I'm just a pole dancer."

The sales woman's mouth dropped....but she led me to the garter belts.

I now have insurance....and apparently if the writing gigs fail....I'm equipped for a life as an exotic dancer.
~~~~~