Too Many Choices..........

I started belly dancing on Monday. I thought....hmmm...maybe a little mid week practice would be good for me. So I stood in the middle of my bedroom... lifted my arms ....and nothing happened.....the routine had faded...was I supposed to kick after two hip thrusts or three?...and what about my arms?

So I hit Barnes and Noble online to buy a basic belly dancing DVD. I couldn't believe there were 18 choices. Here's a few of them:

Belly Dancing for Enlightenment

I didn't know you could belly dance your way to nirvana. In fact, I didn't know belly dancing could be enlightening ...(okay...maybe belly dancing can "enlighten" a man....but I never classified it as self-enlightening.) Truthfully, I thought of my dancing as a Wiggle Tune Up...rather than a soul expanding opportunity. I passed on this one...there's no way I can OHMMM and dance at the same time right now.

Belly Dancing with Jacqueline Chapman

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Who's Jacqueline Chapman and why do I want to dance with her? Besides... she's sporting a Loretta Lynn hairstyle....maybe she sings country-western while shimmying? Twanging and dancing definetely out of my range.

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Dancing with Veils

I couldn't even dance with a sheet.

Cardio Belly Dancing

Nope. Won't buy anything with Cardio in the title. A couple years ago, I went to an introductory cardio kick boxing class. Afterwards, a peppy woman, whose job it was to chat me up , started talking to me. She showed me her ass which she said had been sagging, she showed me her thighs which she said had been flabby...she talked about her arms which weren't perky...her tummy which had not been flat enough.....at 4o she had been a wreck....she even showed me a before picture of herself..... I checked it out.....she was drop dead gorgeous....just like she was now. If she had been sagging and bagging....we were talking millimeters not inches.....I wanted to take her hands....and say....honey get a life....but I didn't....I promised to think about it....I did...I never went back and stay away from Cardio anything.

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Learn the Art of Male Belly Dancing

Too scary to even think about.

Guess I'll wait till the next class and see if my teacher sells DVD's. Until then.....I guess I'll make up my own routine.....sway sway kick kick .....sway sway...kick kick...lift the breasts... lift the arms...and shimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy.

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Sharika's Hips Don't Lie...but Mine are Speaking in Tongues....

Another hour of watching my teacher's butt....and I would have followed her home....honestly....I have never paid so much attention to a woman's derriere.

I stared at it......I admired it....I tried to imitate it.

Damn she was good.

For reasons unknown....I started Belly Dancing Class tonight. The good news: my teacher says my hips are "hopeful" which I believe translates into.....they have natural wiggle potential in them.

The bad news: it's really really hard to coordinate hips, thighs, knees, hands, arms, and gaze into those graceful movements.

I was shocked to find during class that some of my parts didn't move ...whereas other parts seemed to gyrate into odd directions......a image verified by the full length mirror covering the classroom wall.

Looking like a bad imitation of Steve Martin's infamous "King Tut" dance ....I decided to move behind a tall wide woman.....so I couldn't see myself in the unforgiving mirror for the rest of class time. Sometimes you just have to be kind to yourself.

Despite my body lagging about two minutes behind what the instructor was demonstrating...I actually had fun. It's the first dance/exercise class I've attended where people laughed (other bodies were also doing the King Tut ) and when the teacher said, "follow me"....some women yelled back...."Are you kidding?"

So I flailed and "Tut-ed" and laughed for a hour......and then at the very end......for about one minute.......the music and my hips were in sync....and I thought......damn.......how cool is this?

What I think I looked like:



What I was supposed to look like:




She's absolutely amazing.....and the first two minutes
of dancing is worth the watch....this is so incredibly
hard ....I can't even imagine how she does it.