Well how about that.....

I was sitting on the bed.....strapping my sandals when I heard this boom.

"What the hell?"

I looked out the window.

Ozzie the Wonder Dog galloped into the bedroom obviously concerned.

Maybe something happened at a construction site down the road.

My son scanned the Internet and rushed in with an explanation.

The space shuttle had passed directly over us on the way to its landing site in Florida.

Very very cool.

One of those weeks....

It's really hard to write anything this week.

Crummy week.

Looks like the bid on my parent's house is falling through....second bid...second falling.

Will probably have to drive up to Chicago next weekend and take care of some minor repairs on the house....get someone to cut the grass.... someone to fix a window.

Just hate the thought of driving up north...and being in my parent's house again. Sleeping on the couch and having all those memories crowd me in the empty living room.

This week is the first anniversary of their deaths.

I had flashbacks of my mom's last hours....all weekend. The way her mouth was open and the particular way her jaw jutted forward as her breathing became labored.

My dad....I miss him.

I wish I could talk to him...tell him a few things.

How his DNA results came back just a day after his death and showed he has a strong Mongolian/Siberian background. Oh ....he would have found that fascinating.

How I solved the mystery of the basement leak. Here's my dad...wondering for years why there was a water problem there....and I found a spot under the outdoor rug.....where an unscrupulous worker ...didn't re-cement a work area after the cable was fixed.

And then there's my house still looking like a warehouse and me....not having the energy or desire to even peer inside those boxes.

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

Yeah ...I'll try that tomorrow.

planted and potted

It was so simple and yet such a joyous thing to do.

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I planted a tree in a pot and placed it near my front door.

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I planted it as the day was ending, the light fading into pink, the damp from the lawn beginning to rise.....the yellow of the porch light taking over.

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I didn't plant anything last year....when my parents were ill and dying.

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So it felt magical....and sensual....the mulchy smell, the softness of potting soil, the pricks from the holly leaves.

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Life finally returns to our house.

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Pico Iyer blurred

It's not the best picture I have from the literary festival....but it's the one I like the most.

I like the blurriness.....the edges shifty and not tidy. Sometimes when you read some one's book or listen to them speak for an hour...you think you know them or understand them....when in reality, you probably understand just a tiny fragment of the person standing in front of you with the rest in a blur. Hence Pico and I ....are truthfully and wonderfully blurred to each other.

I have loved many of Pico Iyer's essays. He's a travel writer and commentator and the author of several books. His language is beautiful, slow, thoughtful. His thoughts on "Why we travel" are so often quoted it's hard to believe they originated from a real person who uniquely formed the idea for the first time.

Here's a passage from his oft quoted essay:

We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again -- to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.


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I bought a gallon of milk today

I bought a gallon of milk today and I was thrilled.

I parked the car, walked into the store, walked to the dairy case plopped my gallon of milk into my shopping cart and headed for the check out lane.

Halfway through the store I felt a rush of euphoria. I had walked from the car....into the store....and was on my way out....walking.

After an entire month of couching after my foot surgery...sitting on the couch with my feet up ....I was walking again.

My steel pins were removed on Friday. A horrible adventure.

I knew the procedure was not going to be pleasant when the Doctor instructed me to close my eyes. I had a sock in my hand from my affected foot and placed it over my eyes like a blindfold.

"Don't worry you won't feel this."

The first pin slid out like butter.

The second pin.....was stuck.

I opened my eyes.....I almost fainted. The doctor was holding a huge stainless steel plyer in his hand and look flustered. He took a deep breath and attacked my second toe. It felt like he was trying to pull a 100 lb marlin out of it. Just went I started to feel woozy....a massive burning sensation engulfed my foot. "No problem....it's out."

No problem? My foot looked like it had been stung by a thousand bees.

So I couched all weekend.....and finally took my first step on Monday. Not bad...not bad....and today....Wednesday....I put on an old wide sandal.....and took my first stroll.

I was shocked how jello-like and wobbly my legs felt. I looked and swayed like the proverbial drunk sailor....except I was very sober.

My steps were tentative when I entered the store and I had to remind myself how to walk normally....because if you hobble around for a month....your body wants to continue to hobble even though there is no reason to continue walking that way.

So when I reached mid-store and I hit an almost normal gait....I was happy.....so very happy to feel and experience movement.

You probably took 5,000 steps today (the average steps a person takes in a day) but it seems you only appreciate that magnificent feat when you barely hit 50 a day.

How amazing to walk into a grocery store and buy a gallon of milk and then walk out.
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An Easter Lamb with a new outfit.

In our home, Easter has always meant a delicious lunch topped off by the Easter Lamb.

A golden pound cake baked in a lamb mold with a coat of coconut with jelly bean or M&M eyes.

The tradition is so ingrained....when one of the children can't make it home for Easter.....a pictures of the Easter lamb is dutifully forwarded to a far away computer just before the lamb is sliced.

This year....presented a challenge....not only is our daughter not here....but we're now a multi -faith family.

So what happened to the Easter lamb? He wore a yamaka to the table!

You can call me Miss Kugel or you can call me Ms. Blintz

I sent an email saying....if you need help let me know.

A return email arrived....yes we do.

Our community is having a food festival in May.....and I'm in charge of the kugel/blintz booth.

If you're not familiar with blintzes and kugel....let me describe these delicious little treats.

Blintzes are cousins to crepes. There's a thin crepe-like envelope which holds a stuffing of sweetened cottage cheese mixture. The little pouch is then fried and topped with sour cream or a fruit topping like strawberries or blueberries.

Blintzes acquiring a crisp buttery crunch

Kugel can be a noodle or potato dish. My Lithuanian grandmother made the potato version which consisted of shredded potatoes mixed with eggs and baked until the top was crispy. It was a stick-to-your-ribs type of side dish which accompanied sausage or brisket.

At my booth...we'll be featuring a noodle kugel, a classic Jewish dish.

Egg noodles and cheese are baked together till a beautiful crust forms. Sometimes kugels are served as dessert with the cheese mixture sweetened with sugar and raisins. The unsweetened version of kugel is often used as a creamy side dish.

For my booth.....busy folks have already cooked.... 100...dozen...blintzes and about 30 trays of kugel. My reputation of a non-cook is well-known so I only have to help bake about 30 more trays. I will probably googooo eye hub and look sweet....so I'll end up assisting versus preparing and actually baking the kugel.

After we knock off 30 more trays of kugel....I'll have to find some volunteer fryer-uppers and servers. I was told my booth is one of the busiest at the festival....so I have to make sure....there's plenty of folks plus visualize an efficient flow of distribution.....I don't want a single noodle or blintz left at the end....since all the money we raise goes to charity.

I'm thinking of getting my yet-to-be-gathered team some fun t-shirts....with some snappy slogans.....like "a blintz is cheese bling" or "kugel your way into some one's heart"....okay ...maybe I need a little work on my slogans yet. If you have any ideas for snappy....blintz or kugel sayings......please let me know.

As for myself....I was thinking of getting a t-shirt made with the simple incantations of my grandmothers....."Eat...Eat...Eat"
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Why is this night different?

I"m a little nervous right now.....in a couple of hours I'll be attending a Passover Seder at George and Ellie's house.

I don't know them very well....they are short and sweet and retired and nod at me when I see them at temple. They have been kind enough to invite me to join a group of family and friends to celebrate the first night's Seder because Passover is a community and family event.

For the last two weeks, there's been a palpable buzz among the congregation....as everyone finds a seat....a table...a family for Passover. Some houses have mega celebrations with 30 or 40 people...others fill a dining room. I've been told George and Ellie hold a "traditional" Seder which means I will probably have to do a considerable amount of lip-syncing and pretending....as my Hebrew is at the kindergarten level and I only know one song very well.

I will never forget the first Seder I attended a couple of years ago. It was a second night Seder at the temple....where congregants plus anyone in the community is invited to experience this ritual.

As my seat mate carefully explained the Seder tradition......I realized that the first night Seder....the most important one during the week long celebration of Passover....is traditionally held in people's home. I was awed by the concept that a religious community would "allow" its members to celebrate..."unsupervised"..... one of the most important holidays in the Jewish faith. Having grown up Catholic....it would be the equivalent of performing the Christmas or Easter mass at your house.

No Catholic would ever think of doing that because: a mass can only be said by a priest, a specially ordained person, a lay person is not worthy or holy enough to do this.....it must be conducted in a church or pre-approved spot, and the liturgy is uniform/consistent/approved.

And here are Jews.....celebrating and honoring their faith and experiences in their ordinary homes as ordinary people... reform or liberal congregations can even add or revise elements of the ritual and select different texts ...hagggadahs....to use.

It was an astonishing thought to me that each man or woman was "good enough" to participate in the ceremony....that a family could "handle" the rituals without an ordained spokesman .....that a group of people....could, in effect, be responsible to praise God directly from their own dining rooms.

I remember I was so excited about this idea of ordinary people celebrating and handling their religious rituals....about the sense of community and level of responsibility each person had for their own lives.....I decided right then and there....to act on the tug I always felt toward this faith and begin studying.

In essence....it was the start of my own exodus from one place in my life....to another.

And that is why on a personal level.....I know why this night is different .....for me.

Sometimes you just don't know what to say......

Phoooey

Phooey......went to the doctor this morning and they said the pins in my toes would have to stay in for another 12-14 days.

Felt deflated......walking around in a boot is hard and tiring and not much fun. You would think I would be loving all the couch time.....reading.....watching DVDs....but it's just the opposite....for some reason I'm not interested in reading or shows.....all I want to do is what I can't do....walk around.

Today....this evening....I'll fill my evening with slips of paper as I try and organize our taxes......that should keep me out of the trouble for the next couple of days.....but even if I use up three days for taxes....there's 9 days left.

I suppose when it gets warmer in a day or two....I can have one of the men folks put a chair out and get a little sun......but as you can see my enthusiasm even for sunshine is very small.

The sale of my parent's house is stalled....plus about three other things in my life.....so it's just not the foot....it seems my life is stalled....and I'm not Ms. Patient.

Sigh....12-14 days.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long JOHNS and LONG johns

Couching while your foot is recovering from surgery is not fun.

TV is boring....and for some reason I can't concentrate on reading.

So I decided to send some emails....reminders to the kids, late correspondence, finish business.

In Chicago I discovered two sets of brand new women's silk long johns. I brought them home because they were so delicate and silky. I decided to see if my daughter might want them since she lives in Columbus, Ohio where winter chill can sting.

To be cute.....I decided I would add a picture of long johns to the email.


So I googled " long johns."

Wow! Does the word long johns translate into penile anatomy in Swedish?

This was the first image that came up.

Hmmmm looks like the Prostata is bit out of whack.

Maybe I had my google filter off....because there were more pictures like this


than pictures which looked like this.

Side effects of couching.....too much TV

Well it's post-op Day 4 and I'm disappointed I'm still reclining on the couch.

I'm down from 3 ouch days to 3/4 of an ouch days....but I still can't walk without feeling a dainty hot poker in my foot. Sigh.

I gathered lots of things around me to keep me busy.....bills, newspapers, books.....good friend Jason even loaned me Tru Blood Season 1.......unfortunately....I discovered that pain plus pain medication......means you can't concentrate........which means.....you make friends with your TV.

I don't watch much TV when I'm uncouched..........I meet people who want to chat about the American Idol contestants....or this series or that series.....and I am totally lost....with the exception of a bit of news....perhaps the Daily Show....Colbert......I simply have too much too do. And when a series does sound interesting.....like the Sopranos or Madmen..... I just wait till it's on DVD and rent it.

So it's weird to sit in front of the TV and watch it hour after hour in real time with commercials.

During the day, Hoda and Kathy Lee have been eye-openers because they're the auditory equivalent of chalk squeaking on a blackboard. Kathy Lee makes a perfect talking bobble head and I want to tell Hoda to get some backbone and bitch slap Kathy Lee for some of her remarks. Rachel Ray is way too peppy and I'm sure she is on drugs....you can't be that estatic over mediocre pasta dishes.

I made an effort in the evening to watch shows I've only heard about....like the Housewives of NYC. I sat mesmerized for the entire show. I couldn't believe this was actually a TV show....watching bitchy women be bitches. I think it must have a following because women are reliving their high school days. If you ever wondered what happened to the pretty popular bitches that formed a clique in every high school......here they are. They married rich.....they have pretty houses.... jerk professional husbands.....and they gossip and have hissy fits over inconsequential girlfriend issues. Who is going to what party? Who said what to whom? Who said one thing and did another. I was just as astonished watching these women on TV as I was watching the clique operate in high school....Will these chicks ever grow up? Apparently...they don't......they just move to different venues.....like the Hamptons.

I have watched enough animal shows and animal rescue shows to feel like a vet student. Thank God these animal rescue shows don't operate like QVC.....the home shopping network....because I'm sure I would have adopted half of them: the Boxer with advanced mange..... the cat with it's tail chopped off.....the one-eyed cat with special needs.

And finally there's all these wedding shows.....Bridezilla....The Four Weddings and some other bridal show I've forgotten the name of. I felt obliged to watch them because my daughter is getting married and I want too see what's going on in the world of weddings. What's going is people are spending an incredible amount of money. Obviously I'm too practical ...I keep watching and thinking.....is this what a young woman should do with $100,000? or even $50,000? I mean the day after......you don't have a down payment on a house or car or splendid vacation or anything more tangible than the photos which arrive from your photographer. Memories are good....parties are good......but so is a down payment on a love nest.

And finally there's Cops. When the menfolk visit me on the couch.....they groan at animal shows or wedding shows.....so I've watched a fair amount of Cop and Chase shows. I admit they're fascinating. Watching a car speeding down a street courtesy of a helicopter crew....is mind-numbing voyerism and watching some of the people the Cops catch and deal with is hypnotic. The other night the cops arrested a hooker in Las Vegas who wanted $150 for some action. Fat, at least 60, unkempt....missing some teeth....in a baggy t-shirt and cut offs......I was like...whoa....some dude would sleep with her for $150 bucks???? LOL>>> it somehow makes me feel more valuable....geez I could get at least....????

Well the men folks have gone on errands....and my tummy is rumbling for lunch.....so I'm going to put my special boot on and hobble to the kitchen. Hopefully the bagels are still on the counter and the coffee from this morning is still on warm.

Hopefully.

Surprise surprise....the bitchy clique in high school you remember ....grew up.....remains bitchy and just got their own TV show.

Ouch ouch ouch

Damn.....two days out and I still can't walk. Graduated to ice packs
and now Codiene. There's a time to be tough and there's a time to
close your eyes and go down the rabbit hole.

Double ouch

Ouch ouch I had to have surgery on my sweet little toes.

Ouch ouch the remote is on the other side of the room and I'm forced
to watch Hoda and Kathy Lee.

Two very painful situations.

Somethings aren't supposed to be donated to Goodwill

I was headed out door when I saw it.

OMG!!!!!!

Do I run up to the table and grab it? Or do I run out the door?

It was fight (I mean grab) or flight....and I choose flight.

I zipped out the door, jumped into the car and sped away.

A stoplight later I remembered.....I asked for a donation receipt...Goodwill has my name, address and zip code.

Every time the phone rings this afternoon....I cringe waiting for the menfolks to call out, "It's for you....it's Goodwill."

My parents.....had that odd sort of jokey 1950's off-colored sense of humor.

They had a bottle opener shaped like a naked lady.....some bar glasses with classic "naughty" jokes written on them......and even a fake olive or two shaped like a breast.

I guess you could label it "bar humor"......probably because it takes a drink or two for the item to become funny.

Behind their bar......lived the infamous......Penis apron.

A stable joke in their house for eons.....it was a apron....which looked like a pair of men's shorts.....and when you tied it around your waist....a 12 inch long hot pink stuffed cotton penis popped out.

The apron was designed so the penis didn't fully appear till it was tied around you. I don't remember my mother or father wearing it....but I do remember they tried to coerce friends to wear the apron....often by suggesting they could use some help cleaning up the dishes and.... wouldn't you want to wear an apron so you won't get your clothes dirty?

I don't think the apron actually got tied around anyone....because my parents or their friends dissolved into hysterical laughter before the strings could be tied.

Besides the pink dong....there was a side attraction. A small fake pocket....lift it up and some fake fur was arranged like this: ( ) I'm sure you get the idea.

The pocket rarely got lifted because most folks were too tired from laughing to endure another gag centered around the apron.

I found the apron in a box of my parent's clothes. I balled it up....and put it off to the side....unsure of what to do with it....garbage? keepsake? maybe it could be a priceless eBay item.

Yesterday....I scooped up their clothes to bag and take to Goodwill and yep....inadvertently included the penis apron.

I glanced at the work table while a man was writing my receipt...a saggy tired gray haired man...... dumped my bag onto the table for sorting. A woman, working behind the counter, said, "I'll be right there Bob, to help ya."

That's the exact moment I noticed the green apron....bundled up with its 12 inch long penis waiting inside as a surprise.

I am sure Bob and the lady would be surprised.

Are they going to laugh? Are they going to drop down on their knees and pray for the perverted woman who donated the penis apron? Or is some vice-president of operations going to call me and politely request I refrain from leaving pornographic items?

My hub thinks they laughed.....

I am hoping they left both Jesus and their manager out of it...and simply tossed it in the garbage.

I suppose there is a remote chance that Bob or the woman thought it was so funny....he or she bundled the apron up and took it home....where it could become a tradition in some other family.

Right....that last option is pretty remote.

Still I feel a little bad the life-of-the-party ended up in the trash.....surely somewhere .......somebody........ could have loved it?

An inferior replica of my apron...which looked like a pair of men's shorts and carried a 12 inch long hot pink penis instead of a pathetic stubby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bedtime song....or a midday pause

Thanks....Krista and Damn, Gina

Book Fog

Home again.....and watching the full moon move across the sky for a while tonight.

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Funny drive.......started listening to an audio book called..."The Help."

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I was quickly snatched into the story.....instead of the usual single narrator....there are 5 narratives which portray different characters so it's like listening to a book and a play...the first two chapters center on two different maids that work for white families in Mississippi.....then the third chapter introduces a young white girl....of course..... an aspiring writer.

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I smile and recognize many things the young wanna be writer is thinking and dreaming about ....the way she wants to write....the stories she wants to tell.

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She has returned home after college....but instead of writing she's always trying to escape her mother.....who criticizes her.... and always wants the young woman to act or talk or dress to correspond to the proper image the mother has in her head.

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I nod and uh-huh as the character moves about her story....because elements of the story mirror my life. Suddenly I stare at the radio...as if a snake just flew out of the speaker.......what? ......I hear it again........the character and I share the same first name......an unusual name and not one often heard in stories.

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If there's anything that can give you the willies....it's hearing your own name in a story with all too familiar details.

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Every time the mother sharply calls out her daughter's formal name...the one we share....I jump in my car seat then grasp the steering wheel a wee bit harder.

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I was so engrossed in the story......I was only dimly aware of this persistent beep beep beeping that began breaking into the book fog I was in.

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"Shitttttttt"

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I look down.....my gas gauge is not only showing the "get gas icon" but it's dinging....a signal that I only have minutes before the car stops. A bit paniced....I stop the CD story and concentrate on scanning the horizon. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see BP Gas sign off the interstate .

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Damn.....that was way too close.

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I finished 10 out of 14 CDs....and sat in the driveway for 5 minutes waiting for a chapter to end before I could turn off the engine.

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I feel the pull right now to go out into the car and get the discs.....and finish the story.....but....I know I won't be able to stop at one disc...and there's probably 4 more hours of story to go.

Better to work on my day....and clear my calender tomorrow evening.....and give the story it's proper time and respect.

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Funny....that full moon is so slippery.....it's already out of sight...I believe that's a sign I should slip into bed too.

Daughter time

Up in Ohio spending time with my daughter.

It's been wonderful to do girlie things....shopping....studying lamps.....buying a dress or two.

We've also started planning for her wedding which will be set for next summer sometime.

She originally wanted to get married in Puerto Rico but we spent the weekend online looking at estates in the Hamptons in New York. Estates usually have 10-15 bedrooms in big houses on big lots. Instead of renting two smaller houses....we are looking at a happy group of 25 friends and relatives in one big house....at least I hope it would be happy.

One of the houses we looked at.....and was our first choice is being sold.....and we are warming up to an older home close to the beach. Still for such an important occasion.....it gives us an excuse to visit the beach and Long Island for a short stint this spring in order to check the facilities out.

Tomorrow she wants to show me some rings she is looking at.....and then we'll spend some time looking at properties again.

This evening....she introduced me to the HBO series....Tru Blood.....I was hesistant to watch it....because vampires scare me....but after the third episode in a row....I decided to leave and return to my hotel room because I would have remained glued to the couch till the wee hours of the morning watching episode after episode.

I love her cat Drama.....he's 16 pounds of sass....kind of a feline bulldog. I distinctly heard him say....."three episodes is enough Gina" tonight.

Eye-popping weather again

Found this guy in a pet store I was visiting with my daughter in Ohio.

Sort of my reaction too when I saw the snow and ice closing down her
city here.

Even the dogs are famous in Nashville

On the road again.

Stopped for some caffeine.

Celebrity pup waiting for its owner I guess.

Now if he pulled out a guitar....I would have been totally impressed.

Facebook Ettiquette...do you friend your clergyman and other puzzling questions...

Okay....I'm cruising Facebook ....and see a notification.

A friend of mine has "friended" our clergyman.

Wow ...my clergyman has just joined Facebook?

This made me pause.....are you supposed to friend your rabbi, pastor, priest or imam?

If you don't....are you....not kosher/righteous/catholic/holy or just plain rude?

What if you're not always good or post pictures which proffer anatomical parts of your body not suited for the monthly bulletin?

Is he my friend friend? or just a friend? or just someone I'm friendly with?

Would it be weird if he saw my post from last night....touting my fresh clean sheets and blankets on my bed ?

I'm not embarrassed to have blankets or clean sheets ...but still....there's something a bit odd about my clergyman knowing I'm just plain human....just like it would be odd if he posted that he was happy he had clean sheets and blankets before bed time. My clergyman sleeps? with blankets and sheets? (and even his wife!)

So I haven't friended him ....yet...yet?

And I'm waiting to see who does and who doesn't.

Perhaps he joined up to keep in touch with congregants that have moved away....friends he had....fellow scholars....not the folks he sees every week.

Well at least there are some things on Facebook I'm not confused about.....



so so wrong....

we all need some breathing space.....even from our moms .....or in some cases....especially from our moms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My party hat......

I hosted a post-Mardi Gras party at my house on Saturday......to attend....you had to wear/create/make an appropriate hat.

Here's my creation:

Good girl on one side...............

Bad girl on the other side..............

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And yes....this meant sawing off two party girls rubber legs.....and lashing them together back to back....then during the party if I felt good ...I could wear the hat facing one way....and if I felt naughty....I could wear the hat the other way.

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Strange........my Iphone contained pictures of the girls playing that I DIDN'T TAKE.....

Like this one.....with the girls doing their splits before their legs were sacrificed for the hat decor.......

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and this one.....

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xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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hmmmmm best not post this one......

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just think of the type of poses two girls can be placed in....

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yeah....those type of poses

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and of course....hub proclaims his innocence.

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My chocolate is talking to me or get your tin foil hats on!

Bite-sized pieces of Dove Milk chocolate are talking to me....actually not talking...... but making suggestions to me.

I've been eating two pieces of Dove Chocolate almost every day....a habit I developed while up in Chicago this summer.

Dove bars ...vanilla ice cream bars coated with a thick smooth milk chocolate...were dreamed up by a guy in Chicago... named Leo...for his kids. The bars were very successful...grew into a big business in Chi town...which lead the Mars company to "swallow" up the Dove business about 15 years ago.

So a little daily dose of Dove is a logical part of celebrating my hometown AND providing my female neurons with whatever it is that makes chocolate a necessity in a woman's life.

The other day, just before tossing a foil wrapper into the garbage....I noticed something

Writing on the wrapper?

I plucked the crumpled foil out of the garbage and flattened it on the kitchen counter.

The inside of the wrapper had a white circle and a message: Close out the world for just a moment.

I fished around for the other wrapper and discovered: Smile when you want to, cry when you need to, laugh whenever possible.

What?

How long has Dove chocolate been sending me messages?

I poked around Dove's website and discovered they've been sending quotes out for twelve years! Holy shit ...that's a long time.

I immediately unwrapped more candy (of course....just for research purposes) and found:

Give of yourself to someone who needs you.

Let your mind unwind.

Be an optimist.

I felt confident I'd find only a couple of messages....but to my surprise a wide variety of touchy- feely sayings filled my bag.

I rechecked the Dove website and found there are a couple of lists. A "Classic" list, with general positive thoughts:

" A good love is delicious because you can never get enough"

"Buy yourself flowers."

And a pink wrapper/Susan G. Komen message list with inspirational messages such as:

"Be the cure"

and "Educate someone about breast cancer".

Obviously Dove chocolate (and maybe chocolate in general) is a bit gender oriented because I can't see my hub buying flowers for himself or being "the first to hit the dance floor" after eating a piece of chocolate....hell...he could consume a whole bottle of bourbon and never think of hitting the dance floor ...except to prostrate himself until his blood alcohol level returns to normal.

Alas....a little more Googling into Dove messages....brought ominous news.

There's a dark side to Dove (and I'm not talking dark chocolate).

Some folks think the messages are "New Age" and hence dangerous.

Here's a quote from one blog:

"The anti-Christian Messages continue, full of empty Promises. There are no kudos here.
Should Christians stop buying Dove candy and encourage the manufacturer, Mars, to clean up its Dove wrappers? This is one candy I find not so sweet."

There were also a few complaints about one quote...."Temptation is fun...giving in is even better."

People were shocked at the "evil advice."

Okay...my question is...if you're a religious person...of whatever faith....Christian, Muslim, Jew.....are you really going to be swayed by a quote on a chocolate wrapper?

Surely....one's faith should be sturdier than a piece of foil?

I suppose if you're really Anti-Dove messages ...you could make a tin foil hat to protect yourself from the advice and then eat the chocolates.

Everyone knows.....tin foil hats....stop subversive messages from entering the brain....in fact...all messages are blocked ....whether they are from aliens or candy companies.

I bet if you strip the foil wrappers from all the candies in the bag....you could make a fairly decent hat....and then nothing would sink in.....but rich chocolaty goodness.

Bye bye " Think without limits" or "Act on your dreams."

A happy family blocking subversive messages

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Finally.....a word of caution for those seeking tin foil protection.

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Tin foil hats have been shown to be effective in blocking undesirable thoughts from entering your consciousness.

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Tin foil thongs, however, appear to attract undesirables...especially men with BBQ fetishes.

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Is something on the grill?

Guess on that note.....I'll "Close my eyes and relax" ......and "Be a little naughty with my nice."
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Bet-Tav-Shin....or OY...I'm in Hebrew Class....

Okay....I can read one word.... but I do know 5 consonants and two vowels.

Hey.....You have to begin someplace.

I've started Hebrew class a couple of weeks ago and am dutifully doing my homework tonight for Sunday morning's class.

Our two angelic teachers are trying to mold the brains of 8 adults who don't know a shin from a koof or a resh from a nun.

But we all know by now: Lamed, Mem, Bet,Tav and Shin.

There's 22 consonants to learn and no vowels. Well not vowels as we know them....more like a system of dashes and dots which when placed next to a consonant...help you know how to pronounce the word.

We are going very slow......because this is a two pronged system.

First you have to learn Hebrew script and sounds....and then finally after you sound out a Hebrew word.....you eventually have to learn what it means.....in English.

When you study a language like French or Spanish....you go directly from recognizing the letters and saying a word....like bon jour....to what the meaning of bon jour is in English....good day.

Hebrew is more like....what the heck do those lines and dashes mean.....oh...okay....I can sound out this word.....and now .....what the heck does that mean?

Needless to say....I'm going to be in class for a while but I figure it's good for me....reading from left to right and then reading from right to left has got to keep some neurons fit and trim.

Tonight I cut out flashcards so if I have stupid down time ...I can pull them out and study.

I probably should check if there's a "learn Hebrew" app for the IPhone.

I must admit....it's kind of exciting/amazing....to tackle the script and see letters in vowels in ...what previously looked like a jumbled set of lines and dashes. It gives me hope ...this is possible to learn.

To show you how it's done....let me break down the one and only Hebrew word I know now.

First of all..... find the letter on the right that looks like a harp... that letter stands for an S sound and the dash under it means an A sound so.....the first thing you have is SHA

The middle letter is a B sound and the "T" under it means another A sound so you have BAH


The last letter on the left is a T sound.......so you put them all together and you get:

SHA BAH T....

which comes together as........ Shabbat

which means.....the Sabbath.......Your day of rest.

Isn't that cool?????
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Watching.....

I have watched this day arrive as if it was an approaching storm on the horizon.

The dread....the sense of danger .......even some fear.

One year ago today....my father had a massive stroke.

In 74 days he would be dead.....in 67 days ...my mother would be dead.

I remember the time leading up to the news....in almost perfect detail.

The uneasy anxious feeling I had when I woke up.

Arriving late at work.

Norm, one of the employees, dropping by my office to say, "Your husband is trying to find you."

I remember how the news of my dad's stroke sounded new but very old.

The fear that something catastrophic would happen to one of my parent's has been sitting inside me and waiting for years.

I remember walking into the book store's office and saying to Jim...in a flat voice. "My father's had a stroke....I have to leave."

I tidied my desk and straightened my chair, knowing I would never sit there again to work.

The plane ride, the calls to people, the messages to the kids....and then the hospital.

Quiet and dark....close to midnight.....the ICU doors swinging open to my fate.

Where is he? Where is he?

There.

There.

Dad. Dad.

I'm here.

I grabbed his hand and kissed him on the forehead.

His eyes opened. His eyebrows arched in surprise. His blue eyes had a bit of twinkle.

Dad. Dad. Dad.

He tried to speak but couldn't. He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed me.

For 74 days we would do this over and over again.

Dad. Dad....I would plead.....and he would grab my hand and kiss me.
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Not your normal southern landscape

This is a rare view out my kitchen window.......

and the snow hasn't stopped.....at all.....

it may be a drop in the bucket in comparison to the East Coast....Snowmeggedon

but this amount of snow is a big deal for us.....

the weathermen completely missed this storm.....

so most of city didn't have a chance to rush to the grocery store for BREAD AND MILK..... a southern tradition.....which begins as soon as the "S" word forms on the weathermen's lips

it's not known what happens to southerners without BREAD AND MILK for 24 hours.....

but I'm sure it ain't pretty.
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My first hair bump....

I couldn't help myself....

as soon as I got the Sarah Palin bump on my head.....

I started winking.....

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Getting ready for a "To Do" with a "Do"

Man...I'm a little nervous....I'm attending a big function tonight....and I'm wearing the proverbial "little black dress."

I decided to do something different and I'm heading off in a few minutes to the hair salon....for a "Do." I'm going to have them put my hair up.

I am embarrassed to admit this...but I'm also going to ask them to give me a little bit of a Sarah Palin "bump" (as in hair bump....caused by teasing) ....yikes.

I hope I don't see Russian from my back yard when I come home.

While gathering my ....shoes purse etc.....I took a break and read the NY Times online and saw an article about the new Louis Vitton purses that just came out.

They're made from garbage bags? (really)

And they cost $2000.00

Nope .....your eyes didn't play a trick on you.

Two thousand dollars.
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They done him wrong....

One of the most difficult challenges I face in my life....is having a developmentally disabled son.

I have cried till my eyes were swollen shut....and felt ready to explode into tiny pieces because my psyche filled with so much pain and despair for the trouble and suffering he goes through...and for his obvious yearning to be just a regular guy.

Why him? Why him? The question can beat like a drum in your head....yet there's never an answer.

When he was little.....I've fought for him like a mother tiger at times....against systems and bureaucracies that wouldn't treat him fairly or give him a chance....and at other times I've closed my eyes and looked away because I just couldn't handle dealing with one more problem or situation.

Things have quieted down now that he is a young man ....although he has numerous challenges ...he drives a car (a little) and held a full time job working in food service for part of a big company here in town.

He was very proud of being employed and like buying his own DVD's or splurging on a huge bag of chips and soda...which Mom and Dad wouldn't buy for him. The job gave him an enormous sense of pride and self-esteem.

This fall he was fired from that job. We didn't know he was in trouble.....he was so proud that he worked for this big name company in town...he hid his counseling records. Two or three weeks after he was terminated we discovered he wasn't "let go because they were laying people off" but because of poor job performance.

Then the big organization that he worked for....an organization which prides itself on Christian compassion....checked off a box on a form....so he would be denied unemployment compensation. They checked the box "misconduct" and so he is entitled to no monetary help during this time and must look for future employment with this label applied to him.

By definition, misconduct, in a legal sense, means someone intentionally, willfully and with indifference to consequences does something that would harm their employer best interest in the workplace.

Applying this to my son is the equivalent of saying a one-legged man gets fired from his job because he didn't walk quick enough. Yes....maybe the one legged-man didn't do a good job because speed was needed....but do you say this man willfully and intentionally didn't walk quick enough? or do you say there's a preponderance of evidence that he couldn't physically walk quickly....because he was missing a leg....and there's good reason to believe that's why he didn't perform well in speed-walking....because he couldn't versus he stood there and thought hmmmm ....I'll walk slowly.

My son may have made mistakes at work.....but it wasn't intentional and premeditated.......especially when I can present a face sheet with about 14 different areas of developmental problems.

So hub and I went for to a hearing today.....to challenge the term misconduct...and present the case that underlying physical and mental problems were part of the reason he didn't do well in his job.....and he did not fit the label of being intentionally negligent...his actions were not premedidated....he like the one-legged man....had limitations...and that was a significant part of why he didn't perform well. We weren't asking for his job back....just the removal of the label and small unemployment compensation.

Three minutes into the meeting.... I looked at my hub.....and shook my head.....obviously our case was totally out maneuvered by savvy corporate human resource people.

My husband and I aren't disability lawyers ... and we got screwed. When I got home...I doubled checked a few things the human resource person said...and it was wrong...but I didn't know enough to challenge it. I don't even have to wait for the judgement....it was obvious. The full weight of this big corporation was going to make sure a very small unemployment payment to my son would be withheld and the label remained firmly in place thus hindering his employment in the future.

It just broke my heart ...for the thousandth time.

And one person from the corporation lied......someone I previously admired......she look down at her hands, was asked a question....and didn't tell the truth. My mouth dropped open and I looked her straight in the eyes when she looked up.....she turned ten shades of red but she did not recant.

Truth can be totally outfoxed by people who have an agenda.

My hub said ...let it go. We can see if we can find another job for him....and we will be more savvy this time and make sure they can't pull the rug from under him.

But....it's just not right ..and that's what nags at me. And if the company can do this to people...with a support system in place.....what happens when it's done to someone with no back up and resources?

So tomorrow I will call and talk to a savvy person at a help center.....

I will appeal......

I do not want to do this....but in all honestly....I can not not do this.
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One of those evenings....

It was one of those evenings when my psyche hit the wall.

Where I sat down in a comfy chair....piled on a couple of blankets...and just dithered aimlessly on the net....checking Facebook...reading the NY Times...just clicking on stories and stuff with no real purpose.

Tomorrow...my to-do list is now twice as long...and I'm going to have to focus on it.

I admit that once in a while....I get a little nutty....it's like my guard goes down...and all kinds of things nibble at me....will my parent's house close or will the deal fall through? is something seriously wrong with my tummy or is it a nothing? will I get a chance to write down and organize all the papers and things I brought from my parent's house?

The last anxiety....will I remember and be a proper historian is making me real anxious lately........sometimes I feel like a human time capsule....in me there are two generation of people.....my parents...and two sets of grandparents...and because I am an only child from a small family......their memories are all inside my head....if I don't write them down soon....their lives...their memories could be lost.

I never realized it was such a responsibility....yet I've noticed not every family seems to worry about whether or not those memories are lost....but I do....I'm worried I won't have time or something will happen to me and those stories won't get written...then my children and their children....won't ever know where about the people they are from.

Perhaps it's an anxiety only a writer worries about....not that I am such a good writer....but I know stories and I know lose and I know how death wipes the slate clean....and if you don't record the stories someplace.....they're gone...and permanently.

You can copy a birth certificate or some immigration paper and put it in your file to tell document the facts about a member of your family.....but if you don't write down memories...if you don't write down how they laughed or what they loved....the most important part of them is gone.

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It's here.

The ice arrived around 6:15am....actually it arrived earlier in the night....but I knew it was here when our home phone rung.

My hub works for the state and when they shut down departments/agencies/offices....a robo caller phones us to say basically....wake up so I can tell you to go back to sleep because you have the day off because of bad weather.

That's what happened this morning.... except I left the portable phone somewhere down the hall ....which meant hub heard the phone ringing....got out of bed and starting wandering around and muttering things....probably about me not putting the phone back in the cradle. The robo caller is not very patient and within another minute his cell starting ringing. He got back in bed....but then the cell phone rang again and again and again....as different employees wanted to clarify how to proceed. By the 5th call....I just groaned to him..."Do you want to make coffee or should I?"

As we sipped our coffee, the next problem confronted us. I knew this storm was coming and like any good Southerner....I went to the store to stock up on milk and bread.

Stocking up on milk and bread is a Southern tradition and I give the routine a Midwestern spin by including cookie dough and cereal.

God forbid we should run out of Raisin Bran cause if there is one thing you do have time to do on an ice storm day...it's poop.

But obviously I had forgotten something......I tried to ignore her....but that wasn't going to work.

Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow.

Oh there was dry cat food......but we were all out of canned cat food....and the obligatory life-sustaining lump of salmon pate did not arrive in kitty's bowl this morning.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

I read the newspaper on line, I opened the mail, but as soon as kitty saw me.....she let me have it.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Finally at noon, when the sleet stopped ( the pellets of ice made a sizzling sound....like bacon frying in pan), I declared I would drive to grocery store a couple miles away and get some cat food.

In one second, the men folks were all lined up and ready to leave too. Wait...Wait...I'm just going for cat food....I protested.

But the men folks declared they had been cooped up all day ( which means about 4 hours) and needed air.

So we all drove down to the store....where I bought 14 cans of canned cat food and decided I was dangerously low on chocolate.

After a warm cozy lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.....the men folks retreated to various nooks in the house while I became glued to the season's ending of Storm Chasers on the Weather Channel. Will the tornado chasers have an "intervention" with a tornado allowing them to film the funnel cloud as they pass through it...or will they have to wait for another season?

Oh the drama .....and I couldn't turn away.....2 hours later.....the answer was clear. They sort of got what they needed....but not enough..... so by golly they will have to film another series next year.

All this ambivalent goal achievement allowed me to wander off.....without purpose. I did a little of this and a little of that.....and time flew by and I'm not sure what I really accomplished....outside of giving the Raisin Bran a quiet day to work in my intestines.

Tomorrow though... will bring new challenges ... ...

it's snowing now....and an ice and snow combo will cause most of us Southerners to feel so faint ....only an intravenous infusion of milk and bread could revive us.
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Waiting for the Ice Storm to Arrive.

Chicago

Lamp. Sofa. Two pink towels hung nicely over the towel bar. Decorative potted daisy.

That's all that's left.

I'm in my parent's house in Chicago completing the final clean up.
Tomorrow the appraiser will come and we'll know if the price is set
right for the sale of the house to proceed.

I can't believe that a year ago my parent's were alive and
their house was full of their things.

Two weeks from now my father would have a massive stroke and my mother would slip into heart failure.

In two months they would be dead and ultimately their only child would be left sitting on an old sofa in an almost empty house a year later.

Sent from my iPhone

Crunch time

I'm sitting here being crunchy.

My parent's house which I am selling in Chicago is supposed to close next Friday.

Supposed to....

I know the real estate market...is crunchy too....we've all read at least 1085 stories about the problems of the market...but I was kinda hoping my process would go smoothly.

I'm supposed to leave Saturday to empty the house...but when I emailed the agent yesterday and asked her if the appraisal has come in (if it doesn't match the selling price ...the deal/contract is mostly like doomed)....she didn't return my email till midnight. Each hour that passed by made me more and more certain something was wrong.

Ah....and so at 12:25 am (why is my agent answering my 8:30am email at this hour?) I discover the appraisal has not been done on the house.

Unless there's some magic in the universe....I'm thinking there's no way the house can close next week and now I'm uncertain if we even have a deal since the sellers seem very slow/apathetic/disorganized for a group of people who wanted to move into the house in 7 days.

I mean....shouldn't they be on pins and needles too...hoping this document clears the way for the loan to go through??? Shouldn't they have been bugging their agent about the process?

I am just minutes away from becoming a raving raging BITCH....I've got to calm down....if I tear into the agent when she returns my call ...(and she better call soon)....all I'm going to do is make the situation sticky with my anger.

I've been trying to think positive....or...at least neutral...... I 've pulled up my secret Jiminy Cricket this always makes you feel better song.......I listen.........I smile.....I recieve 10 minutes of positive vibes and then like the tide...I feel the grrrrrrrrrrrrr just rising in me.

I know eventually things will work out...but I want this specific eventually to happen next Friday or possibly the next Friday.

That's when I want my eventually.....unfortunately I've got to wait and listen to when the Universe wants that eventually to arrive....

Universe....could we do some negogiating?????

In case anyone else feels CRUNCHY.....I proffer my Jiminy Cricket to you.

Lost Pictures from my Iphone: Road pictures

The Angry Truck

I drove behind this truck for a couple of hours on the interstate....just cringing. This guy is hauling one unhappy load.
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Interesting Memorial

Stuck on the interstate in Illinois due to construction, I eventually rolled up to this car. It's certainly a unique way to claim your grief.
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Mullets still rule....

Winner of the 2000 Iowa Truck Driving Championship....is still proud of his reward...and he should be....but I''m thinking maybe it's time to lose the mullet.

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Lost pictures from my Iphone: Remembering my Dad

It's raining outside and very quiet in my house.

I've been sitting at the kitchen table for the last couple of hours sorting through a bag of bills and papers I found in my parent's house. The receipts will allow me to complete, as best I can, their final tax returns.

I can see the changes in my mother's handwriting over the last two years when I scan the bills. Her notations and ledgers move from shaky to almost illegible. My dad remains my dad....he wrote little notes to himself on the envelopes....call and check on this figure....call and talk to Bob about this bill.

I recovered a few pics on my IPhone from a night when my dad was taken by ambulance from the nursing home to the ER with pneumonia. I can still remember the quietness and the emptiness of that ER holding room.

With the exception of the hissing sound from the oxygen mask my dad was wearing....there was a surreal stillness in the room. It was 3am and my dad had finally fallen asleep under some warm blankets I swiped from the nursing station. I sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair....tired but on guard...waiting for the doctor.

The room felt like a sleeping dragon....capable of rising up and bringing great disaster....but there was also a sticky kind of sadness in the room too.....it seemed tired and weary but oddly vigilant.

My pics from that night:

Lost pictures from my Iphone: Interesting signs

Forget those tall skinny types....at least this hotel in Iowa, where I was staying, was happy to welcome not only round people, but round dancers.

Perfect drug ad sign in Mexico.

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Lost pictures off my Iphone: NYC

I took this picture at the Main Library. Was just a chance shot but I've always liked it. The silhouette of the cameraman....the bride and groom in the alcove posing.

I have no idea....why these white-faced lantern jockeys were adorning these steps. Each was unique and they led to an apartment on the Upper East Side. Notice all their lanterns were removed.

"Taste it once, Love it Forever"...a classic pick-up line?

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