|Lilies on my Kitchen Counter.|
I've been thinking about my blog....it's been months....actually 7 months since I posted something. Blogging is a habit, a way of thinking....and like any habit....each day you abandon it...you create a new direction without it.
For me, the process of writing is linked, not only to my thoughts, but to my heart and emotions. It's ironic, but when I feel level-headed and logical in my life, the act of writing is difficult--the words are sticky and my thoughts are not lyrical.
The loss of this inner music is very noticeable to me. It's not unpleasant to live without the music but 2 plus 2 always equals 4 and the sun rises and sets everyday.
I have a poem posted on my bulletin board by Imants Ziedonis. In it the poet waits each day for the day to catch fire. For him, there must be a triad of events which blend magically: sunlight and spring flowers and dew, autumn fog and bare trees and the sound of a distant radio. These elements combine to create an illuminating moment in your day....a moment where you see possibilities and the spiritual in the world. I understand exactly what he is talking about....for to see such things your psyche must be shifted into a particular gear. You cannot drive backwards in your car without being in R and you cannot see the fire unless you are internally in the right mind set.
And so that's my dilemma. I am currently driving down the road of life ...busy busy busy. I'm volunteering in an archive, I'm working on and in classes for young students, I'm planning a vacation, I'm updating our finances, I'm downsizing, I'm.......I'm.....I'm in a car driving through life in D....nothing wrong with that....but when I look out the window....I see no fires....I'm not misty-eyed about the experience of living.....I'm crossing things off my "to do" list ...I'm getting things done....and I can't figure out if I want to search for embers and create smoke. I'm not even sure if one can conjure up embers....I've always thought that charged elements in your life create the flame phenomenon....but can you make flames when there isn't any wood? Can you purposely make the day...each day.... catch fire? And should you?