Saturday, May 29, 2010

Long Island/Lon Gisland

This is a funny island split by economics and a freeway and even shorelines.....rocky versus sandy.

I felt tepid about being here.....yes, my daughter is looking to get married in a rental house on the Hamptons....but it is still Long Island....and sometimes I have mixed feelings about the place....the crowds....the snake of a freeway that binds you in continuous traffic jams down the center of the island and the feeling of claustrophobia I get in the middle of the island as the congestion, roads and closeness of the place presses in on a traveler......

but the place has a certain weird magic at times too.......when I boarded the plane from Baltimore to Islip.....I sat in a row of white starched shirt executives with Nooks and Kindles all pressed inwards and outwards.....the row ahead of me carried a couple of short sleeve knit shirt guys.....laughing and downing two Bloody Mary's in the short 45 minute flight....they south Lon Gisland accent obvious.

Looking at wedding spots.....we drove from the center of the island towards the North Shore where like magic the houses and the yards expanded suddenly as if we had crossed some type of invisible line. Here was Long Island....properly stated by the educated probably holding a blackberry in one hand and a bottle of coconut water in the other.

I've moved from the center of island to the Hamptons right now....I've always rolled my eyes at the place...but visiting the rental houses we have been forced off the main road onto the side roads and the actually houses of the place which are enchanting with their lush gardens. Although we are looking at a big house....we're not looking at the BIG houses the huge estates closer to the beach which rent for 100,000 to 250,000 for the summer season. No.....we're not in that category.....just a week......and perhaps a mile to the what is in our category.

My daughter best friend joined us now we are three traveling women and after the serious hard work of house looking we ended up on beautiful Cooper Beach last evening......As of this weekend..... when summer arrives....the municipality charges 40.00 to park your car in the lot to access the beach.....supposedly the high prices keeps out the riff keeps the beach exclusive. Ah the Hamptons.....

This morning the young women are already up and getting ready..... we're headed up to Montauk....the tip of the North Fork to stroll on the beaches for the day. The traffic has been bumper to bumper at times but lighter than I envisioned in my nightmares of driving on the island on Memorial Day weekend.

They're lightly knocking on my door....which means I best shake my boody out of bed....and get ready for breakfast and the's a funny place......this long island.

Ahhhh Long Island

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ogling Breasts can make you live longer?

I was going to blog about my legs.

How they felt I'm walking strong and what a great feeling that feel all your muscles working right after they have been hurt, injured and punished.

So I went, as usual, to Google images to hunt for a picture for my blog.

I entered the words..."fast walking" the search engine.

Immediately my eyes fell on a picture of a nurse with her breasts hanging out. As a former nurse, it's my duty to check these types of images out....I expected the addy to lead me to a porn site. Instead I landed on a blog which touted the secrets of longevity.

According to this blog these things helped you live longer:

1) Walking fast.

2) Relaxing, sleeping and fasting for two days a month.

3) Reading

And number #4 was "Enjoying women's breasts." The sentence structure made me believe the blog was translated and not originally in English. The advice was so interesting I copied it here.....

4) Enjoying women's breast. Scientists found that enjoying women's breast for ten minutes is beneficial to the health. This can at least reduce the risk of suffering from myocardial infarction. The medical expert Karen Weatherbee believes it is especially suitable for a 40 year old man.

Of course it doesn't say whether a woman who has her breast played with for ten minutes a day also enjoys "health benefits" but certainly men 40 and over do receive benefits.

I wondered why they picked the breasts falling out of the uniformed nurse to demonstrate the idea.? Still curious about the advice, I decided to google Dr. Weatherbee who turned out to be Dr. Weatherby, a scientist from Germany.

She conducted studies where 200 males who were followed for 5 years. Half were told to ogle a women's breast daily ( There were no details on how the ogling was conducted. Were these live ogling session or something as simple as looking as Victoria secret ads?)

After 5 years, ( and yes....I know several men who would have volunteered for ten years or more given the chance), the men who ogled had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulses and less coronary artery disease. She further commented that ogling daily could prolong a man's life by 4-5 years.

Wow.....I immediately realized .....being a busty woman.....that I was now a medical device!

This was mind boggling....ogling me..... could make a man could live longer.

It's too bad my husband's already asleep....otherwise I would wake him up and tell him he was going to live to an extraordinary ripe old age....with me around.

Of course, the study was very lopsided. Did women benefit from being ogled? Did they live longer if someone ogled their breasts daily?? I sure hope Dr. Weatherby is studying the other side of this question.

Another wow....I just realized every time I wear a blouse with cleavage I'm like Mother out good karma, health, and longevity.

This puts a whole new emphasis on my wardrobe......I mean should I toss my turtlenecks out since they're a hazard to men's health everywhere?

What amazing

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Where o' where can my little house on Long Island be?

From blintzes and kugel to houses.
A few days ago I was sweating in the Food festival I'm sweating over my keyboard looking for a house on the Internet. A house for my daughter to get married in.
Through some weird process of selection....she and her finance decided they wanted to wed in the Hamptons on Long Island. We all liked this one house near Southampton, an estate with 14 bedrooms and the capacity to hold 28 people...which my daughter tells me is the perfect number of guests.
The owner of the house told me they would be staying at the house on Memorial Day weekend so come on down and check it out.
So my daughter and I made arrangements and are heading out to Long Island next weekend....where only idiots would fly into....because who the hell is willingly going to face the Memorial Weekend crowds on a long thin island with only a handful of major highways.
Trouble is....I've emailed and called the owners and they're not answering. Maybe they changed their minds about showing the house...maybe someone is sick....maybe ...maybe...maybe...who knows??? But now we are stuck with tickets to Long Island and a need to find a house for a wedding if we don't hear from the estate people.
So all morning I was looking and looking and I'm not thrilled....although there are one or two possibilities.
By afternoon I was asking myself what weird karma has fallen on me that my daughter would want to get married on Long Island.....I mean really....there's a whole coast line from Maine to Florida and she picks the most difficult....most expensive ....most troublesome spot on the coast.
Of course I'm not going to say this to's her dream....and my job as mom is to help make that dream come true....but by late afternoon..... I wanted to pound my head against the wall... Long Island? the Hamptons? Where am I going to find a house for 28 people that doesn't cost three Rolls Royces if these owners don't' recontact me???
So I went shopping tonight and bought two new bras and panties...because I always buy new underwear when I go to New York.....and decided I would spend part of Saturday and a good chunk of Sunday....calming thinking my way through this need and rescanning the rental ads.
I'm clever....there must be something I can arrange/do....but even with new underwear I don't feel very hopeful.
Patience patience.....deep breath....this is only the beginning.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Blintzes, kugel, crowds and aching feet.


One of the leads for the fest told me the police estimated the crowd around 15,000-18,000.

It felt like most of those people wanted blintzes or some kugel.

I sold out on 650 servings of blintzes (two blintzes apiece which means we cooked 1300 blintzes) and got through most of the kugel (30 mega tubs). That's a lot of food.....

The forecast was for rain and when I headed out to downtown early in the morning with my car filled with defrosted blintzes and was drizzling. I felt much work....and even with a covered pavilion ...who would come in the rain to eat and listen to music?

But by 9am....when the booths started opening...the clouds parted....there was blue sky and in a couple of hours even sunshine.

I didn't see any of it....I was collecting tickets and calling out orders "One blintz ....blintz to go.....blintz and kugel on the side.....kugel but make it warm" and other assorted instructions....true to my nature I didn't cook the blintzes or even get near to the fry pans....I left that job to the "fry cooks"....who I noticed immediately had calm patient personalities...which is a necessary precondition to work with blintzes since the crepe-like outer covering can tear easily if rushed....and you can't rush a blintz.

The fryers kept frying .....the kugel lady kept rotating the tubs in the warmer so the thick slices would stay warm....and I dished out plate after plate after plate.

The sky started to darken just a bit at 2:30pm......around 3:30pm....someone at the info booth blew a shofar.....a long long horn with a haunting sound.....5 minutes later....there was a flash of lightening and gust of wind so strong it nearly blew some tables over. The crowds started to scatter while we tried to hold down the side wall tarps. We were supposed to shut down at 4pm....but it was too scary to stay open and I just sold my last blintz. So we quickly unplugged the skillets....ran after garbage and plates and napkins that started swirling around in the wind...and called it a day.

I wish I could tell you there were tons of funny stories.....but nothing really bizarre happened except everyone in the world wanted an order of blintzes....and it was just hard hard work.

By the time we packed everything into the car....I was so exhausted I could barely move....and hub and I both reeked of butter. As soon as I hit our house, I slipped off my clothes and poured a huge amount of epson salt into a hot bath and sank in.

Ohhhhhhhhhh....that felt good.

I hadn't eaten for a long time.....and when hub asked what I wanted for dinner....I had very strong suggestions....NO BLINTZES NO KUGEL, nothing that taste too butter...nothing with cheese...nothing greasy....nothing that smells too strong....and nothing that even remotely reminds me of the smells, tastes or food of the blintz and kugel booth.

At the end a couple of people shook my hand....."We give the kugel/blintz booth to the newbies......if you work a second year at the're smart enough to stay a mile away from this baby."

Yes indeedy.....a mile away sounds about right.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Food fest jitters

I'm a mess of nerves right now.

I have to be up at 5:45 am to prep for the food fest and my little kugel/blintz booth.

I have pounds and pounds of kugel and dozens of blintzes to transport downtown plus all those darn cups of sour cream and jam.

I have the capacity tomorrow to dish up 650 servings of blintzes....and so for the last two days.....the menfolks and I have filled 650 mini cups of sour cream and 650 mini cups of strawberry preserves to accompany the cheesy crepes. Phew....

I also have 720 slices of kugel. The kugel first travels to warming bins off site ....then wonderful folks pre-slice them and bring them down to our booth to replenish our booth supply.

For a woman who doesn't like to cook and doesn't like to be in the kitchen....this is a lot of FOOD to be in charge of.....I wish I had volunteered to chat up the health inspector or man the volunteer booth....places where your chief responsibility is to chat....which I'm good at....but food...dishing out food....supervising the proper temp of the food....looking after the folks browning the blintzes in skillets filled with butter....I could swoon ....I'm SO NOT in my element.

But it's for a good cause....and how many things could possible go wrong serving up a noodle pudding and a cheesy crepe?

I guess I'll find that out tomorrow.
Jam Jam and Jam for the blintzes

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Is that Pus in your Twinkie?

I was rolling down the grocery store aisle with my cart and did a double take.....

What the hell is coming out of that Twinkie?

Pus? Avocado filling?'s "Orge Green" alright.

All I can say is......"YUCK."

Sunday, May 09, 2010

What I did over the weekend....

Mmmmmmmm.....miles of kugel....a sweet noodle pudding make with eggs and cream cheese and butter and...of course noodles.

I admit....I didn't actually cook them....I'm really the kugel kitchen assistant to my hub and a wonderous cook named Rita.

We're getting ready for the Food Festival next weekend.....and as I mentioned before I'm managing the kugel and blintze booth.

One more batch to make on Monday and we'll have 40 trays of kugel and 125 dozen blintzes ready for sale....with the proceeds going to charity.

Getting nervous....I've been chairman of a literary festival....but manager of a kugel and blintze booth? It involves cooking and things I'm not ordinarily associated food.

Well, I guess it's good to expand one's

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Pure Joy...or the annual touch up of the patio furniture

So simple.

Yet so wonderful.

Today was the annual touch-up-the-patio-furniture-with-spray-paint-day.

It was blue sky....soft warm breeze....all the leaves out and fresh and creating a dappled sun screen overhead.

I was so happy.....just to walk around....turn the chairs over....spritz a bit o' paint here and there.

I didn't rush ...we have two decks because our home is on a I stretched the touch up job for the first deck through the morning.......tomorrow another beautiful day is forecast....and I will relish the small but satisfying task of planting flowers and getting the furniture arranged.

Granted as summer moves closer we don't do much sitting outside....the bugs and humidity....will see to that...but still the scene is nice to look at from the house....the clay pots with white flowers spilling over....the soft murmur of the fountain....the chairs ready should you be brave enough to sit a spell despite ravenous insects and the heavy wet blanket we call air down here.