Becoming a Text Slut.........

I surrender.

I have two teen boys that share the same family cell phone plan with me.

I've failed at controlling text messaging. I've tried.....upgrading now and then to more and more messages per month....but it's never enough.

Finally, I received an astronomical bill for the extra text messages.....and it was either kick them out of the house or upgrade to unlimited text messaging.

Since they're sometimes cute and appear to have some of my DNA....I chose the upgrade.

Nothing changed for them....thier thumbs and fingers keep flying.

I noticed, however, I'm texting more.

For example, I was pulling out of the driveway ....something blocked the garage door sensor ....instead of getting out of the car and moving the offending item.....I texted one of my sons who was in the house.....

close the garage door 4 me

k

Friday night.....I startled myself.

I woke up...looked at the clock ....its 12:45 AM....son #2 should be home by now. I grabbed my phone (its also my alarm clock) and start texting.

r u home yet?

yes

where r u?

home

playing video games?

no i'm in bed

really?

yes

are you sure?

come down and see

i'm in bed

so am i

ok

cat ran down hallway

ok believe u now

nite

But tonight....I know I crossed a threshold.

I was sitting in my daughter's bedroom reading....the cat and I curled up....and cozy. My sons were directly below me...one floor down. I texted each one.

have dogs been out?

yes

no

Okay I thought.......someone has taken them out.....then it hit me....OMG....I'm sitting in my house texting my sons who are in the same house one floor below me....this is crazy.....this is nuts.......

but in a weird way....its kind of fun....and useful??

well I guess on my life's resume.....I can now add.....Became a Text Slut/ 2008.

sigh.

ttyl
~~~

Taking a Virgin to the Slots........

I almost felt wicked.......taking my friend Krista to a casino....actually insisting on it...after she told me she had never been in a slot hut.

Not that I'm such a gambler....I believe I can count the number of casinos I've been in...on one set of fingers on one hand.

I had driven a couple hours and crossed a state line to visit my friend. She's staying at her mother-in-laws right now....renovating and cleaning. It was a great opportunity to see her (she currently lives up north) and of course talk paint and decorating.....after owning 5 homes....let's just say I know masking tape.

Immediately after crossing the state line, I noticed a small busy Indian casino. At 10:30 am...the parking lot was full. I live in a non-gambling southern state....so cross the state line at certain points...and you'll often find casinos waiting for the deprived folks of my area.

After a sweet visit...which included agonizing over paint swatches....we hit the casino. Gaming has certainly evolved....the first time I passed through Vegas after college.....there were actually one-armed slot machines. Now everything is electronic and much more complicated.

The first thing we did when we entered the place.....was head for the cashier to get change. We were each packing a hot 10 dollar bill....our limit for the big experience. The young woman looked at us and laughed. "You mustn't be from around here....you don't need change.....you just stick dollar bills in the machine."

Oh.

She dutifully doled out a precious set of 10 singles.

Then we walked around trying to feel machine karma and play within our price limits ( which meant no dollar or 25 cent slots).

Elizabeth Taylor was out of order. Star Trek looked scary. We both agreed that Lucky Fish was emitting lots of good vibes..... but a severe gray haired woman was sitting in front of the machine with her leg draped across the next stool.... a sign she was playing both machines and don't you even think of getting your fingers near her fish.

We opted for Leprechauns....saloons, gold miners and burros....Red gems.....and a Halloweenie type slot machine....where a laughing pumpkin occasionally appeared to mock you...... I actually did fairly well on this machine....winning a total of .05......(yes a nickel beyond my original investment.)

I admit to laughing a lot during this whole experience. I had no clue how to read or figure out most of the machines....there were lots of buttons...for how many lines to play and how many coins to play each line.... even a penny slot machine could cost you the enormous sum of 25 cents to spin. So when a machine told me I won 25 thingies for some weird criss cross pattern of shamrocks....or 5 saloon women.... or even took a free spin for me ...it was pretty damn funny.

Casinos must have McDonalized....because this one looked pretty much like the last one I visited: dark, no clocks, floral rug, buffet restaurant, waitresses clad in black miniskirts and tops, and apparently someone has cloned the clientele.

Krista and I were like babies in there....I believe the average age hovered around 70. A high percentage of the folks smoked which made me wonder about co-addiction. A handful of motorized wheelchairs scooted around with folks ....and several people....had oxygen masks. One man was even wheeling his own oxygen tank. Nurse Gina thought.....tank of oxygen and low flowing gas....next to cigarette smokers/and cigarettes.....isn't anyone concerned about this?

I believe we spent a whole hour in there.....which was just about the right amount of time. They had a little cafe near the exit...with a rubber Marilyn Monroe.....I decided to chat her up for a minute because I felt sorry for her....I think the place is patronized by regulars.....so nobody was impressed with her anymore.

It took great courage but Krista and I passed on the gift shop....and our refrigerators will now lack an Indian casino magnet for the rest of their mechanical lives.

I'm hoping to see Krista one more time before she heads back north.....I told her we should visit the place one more time.....I know those damn Lucky fish are calling our name....and I think I hear them whispering "jackpot" to me ....

or was that " jackass"?


~~~

Art that hints of a Secret........

Strandbeestens make me nervous.

Ever since I saw the first video clip of them walking on the beach in Holland....I’ve had this strange feeling... that perhaps things are exactly the way I believe or want to believe.

Theo Jansen is a Dutch Leonardo da Vinci- a scientist, sculptor, inventor, computer programmer and creator of still life. Several years ago he dreamed of creatures...wind powered animals...that could roam the beaches in herds, evolve and eventually breach land.

Starting with the simplest of elements, plastic electrical tubing, bags, soda bottles for air collection.....he designed creatures who walk on their own, pause in the wind....and most recently “learned” to throw down a small anchor against fierce ocean winds.

He studies the herd and culls out the promising ones, the ones that show speed, agility, some new feature that sustain their survivability. He re-energizes the herd with the best adaptations. He gives them pseudo-scientific names which pokes fun at our own species lexicon....and now he is creating slow moving gigantic beasts to lumber on land...which look frighteningly similar to dinosaurs.

He laments they do not have brains yet....and therefore can’t be left alone for long periods of time...which means about...ten minutes. But he hopes by dreaming...and allowing his imagination to be free of controls, he can problem-solve the obvious need for intelligence and how to artificially create it.

I’ve heard of theories...which suggest that we may be living in a jelly bean...surrounded by other jelly beans. In other words, we live in a finite encapsulated universe...surrounded by other finite encapsulated universes....sort of like jelly beans resting in a bowl.

I can’t help but think when I watch Jansen’s creatures of some genius in our universe or another who tinkered with the organic elements of the solar system...and designed life...a whole programmable system...that starts with a very basic combination and slowly grows into complexity...a genius or perhaps even a process.. who hitched these seeds to comets and meteors and spread them throughout our jelly bean...and maybe into other jelly beans...or vice versa.

There is something familiar and disturbing about strandbeestens....art that whispers...a secret... or hints that reality is not quite the way you believe....akin to the older kid who whispered into your ear that Santa Claus wasn’t real....there was another explanation for why presents suddenly appeared.

~~~~~~~~


A BMW commercial featuring Jansen and his beasts...short but amazing.

The New Dinosaur species......

Theo Jansen's presentation...longer and fascinating

The Easter Lamb of '08

Ahhh....the Easter lamb cake ....a tradition in my family.

When I was a kid in Chicago.... you could buy lamb cakes at most of the Polish and Lithuanian bakeries near my house.

After I moved away from the old neighborhood, I rarely saw this type of Easter cake.....but I did find a cast iron....lamb mold....and every year hub throws out a lamb....often with disastrous results...an ear falls off...maybe two...a nose is crooked...a cheek is hollow and must be filled with extra frosting.....the eyes are usually problematic...and often look shifty..... which isn't very becoming on a lamb.

This year in honor of our dog Mattie....who has naturally wayward eyes....we created an occularly challenged lamb.....for this beautiful spring Sunday.


If Easter is in your family repetoire....hope you had a great day.

~!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~

Texture.......

I put this photo on my desk.....to remind myself why we're going to Long Island and NYC this June. This is a picture of my kids about 10 years ago in Florida. My littlest one....who is now 6'3" and a senior in high school is the sand Merman.

.

I imagine this will be one of our last family vacations for a while.......my daughter is working with autistic children in Ohio and hopes to get into a behavioral psychology grad school program this year. My oldest son now has a job and little by little is becoming more independent. Mr. Merman....is going off to college....to Iowa this fall.

.

It's cliche to say you are startled to discover your kids are growing up....but I feel both startled and proud of them....a few years ago I found myself walking on a beach on Long Island....and I was so taken by the crashing waves, the slant of the sun and the wonder of the place.......that I wanted to share this with the kids.....and create an adventure they would remember ....something they would talk about...at future family gatherings ...."Do you remember the time we went to New York and......."

.

As I surf the web till my rump is numb..... trying to figure things out....and gasping at the cost of rental cars and hotels.......I remind myself.....that one of the things I do best....(besides being stubborn) ....is planning....and organizing....(you want to get from A to B....call me)....and this is my opportunity to shine.

.

I'm a lousy domestic diva....a stern and sometimes pushy Mom.....and a tireless soap box orator on facing fears....getting out there.....and experiencing people and adventures in your life....so you end up textured.

.

It would be easy to go back to Florida....easy to arrange this some place else.....but I wanted all my kids to learn that challenges are okay.....that taking a risk with strange hopes and dreams in your heart is an okay habit to get into...

.

I stumbled onto Long Island and found wonder.....

.

Now let's see if I can stumble and find a way to get #1 son and #2 son and #2 son's girlfriend out of two different airports on the same day......lol

( I know....mega sentimental idealist....bend me over and spank me.)

~~~~

Spring and Bad Ideas......

As if by magic, there were new spring leaves outside my windows today.....the birds urgently called to each other announcing their swollen gonads.....and squirrels were barking in the trees outside....males, I assume, telling other males....I've got a woman and a tree and a nest so buzz off.

All this lovely sunshine and blue skies and raw nature totally paralyzed my vacation plans. I should have reserved my flight to Long Island?NY today for my June vacation.....because I'm using my frequent flyer miles and the times and days available are awful already. But instead, I announced to the men folks that I was considering driving to New York in my convertible....so I could have it on the island and drive along the Ocean and Sound roads with the top down and the music blaring.

Let me count the ways they murmured over and over what a bad idea this was.....the small matter of 1200 miles.... at least 2.5 days of driving one way.....the reality of bad weather.....the fact that we would still have to rent a car because my convertible is a two-seater and the family won't fit....plus groceries....plus luggage.....etc etc etc. Bless them they are so logical...but this is a matter of the heart and spirit.....not the cerebrum.

(this is my car riding in the belly of an airplane)

If only American Airlines would allow me take her on board.....stash her in the belly of the plane...she isn't that big....and I would pay all of my precious miles for the chance to feel that ocean wind kissing my cheeks. I know I know....I could rent a convertible but I checked and Lagaurdia doesn't handle them....besides it wouldn't be the same....riding in an imposter Gina car.

So the men folks are encouraging me to come to my senses....be logical now......and I guess....if I want the ocean wind to kiss my cheeks..... I could use my extra days there to go to the nude beach.....but I would be happier in my car....hair flying....cheesy songs blaring....and going zoom zoom.

~~~~

A tad bizzare....a bit funny....hey its spring....

Upcoming Family Reunions....or...We're All Gonna Have Fun ...Right

Last night I was up to 2Am...stalking the halls....talking to the dogs.....spinning my wheels. I thought this would be easy.....it sounded good several months ago.....rent a couple of houses on the beaches of Long Island the first couple weeks in June.....get family and friends together.......enjoy wine....enjoy each other.....laugh lots.

.

Hmmmm. The easy part was finding the houses.....a couple days ago I started plotting moving bodies to New York with all kinds of new constraints on them....I can only get these days off....I can come here but not there.....and of course....thank you Southwest Airlines for cancelling Laguardia as a destination since flying out of there was central to the plans.

.

On top of all these complications....my sister-in-law sends me an email asking me to send the deposit money for the cruise.....the cruise?

I'm an only child with a tiny family but my hub has 4 siblings scattered throughout the Northwest and Arizona. His energetic sisters plan a reunion every couple of years. Bad joss on my part (I was teaching or traveling) kept me out of the reunion twice. A few emails flew by about going on a Carnival Cruise. I thought they were feelers....this weekend I found out they were reality.

I swooned. Independent Gina trapped on a Carnival Cruise!?!?......Yikes..... I read the reviews...tons of mediocre food, Karaoke bars, slot machines....the obligatory girls-in-skimpy outfits- reviews. ....and of course the infamous towel animals.

.

I started mentally suffering. Imagining myself trapped for two full days at sea ......watching drunken people in a conga line...(it's a 5 day trip and there's a couple of sea days).

.

Between family complications and the thought of bobbing up and down the coast from San Diego to the tip of Baja, Mexico....I tossed and turned all night.

Then this morning...my son asked me a simple question....could he fly up to Ohio and hookup with his sister??.........why yes that would be brilliant and would get 2 out of 3 kids there in one swoop... I rechecked my frequent flyer miles.....hmmmm...forcing me to fly into New York a few days ahead of the family could be blessing....I could solo around the island and find some excellent wine....a big multi-colored beach umbrella......figure out train system ....Maybe this could work....maybe....lol

.

As far as the cruise....I emailed hub and asked him if we could spend a few days in Death Valley ( a place I've always wanted to visit)....before we go a-cruising....we could stock up on wondrous desert vibes....solitude....certainly enough good energy to survive a conga line and forced-happy talking cruise directors.....and the cruise isn't till October plenty of time to forget about it before I have to remember it.

Finally .....I sat down to blog....and realized.......if I can drink champagne and restreak on the Ides of March....maybe...just maybe....I could drink enough martinis.....to Karaoke?????? Isn't there some rule which states you have to Karoke at least one time in your life?? (Best to do it at sea where no one knows you ...right?)

.

What we do for love is amazing....lol

"What you want baby I got it....what you need....you know I got it....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perscription for a Boring day: Thanks to the Ides of March

What a boring day.......painted a wall......looked at the taxes.....went to the hardware store to buy fertilizer....fricking pathetic......

Later this evening...I was sipping champagne.....watching Saturday Night Live...when they did some joke centered around Friday.....March 14th.....

OMG......... I laughed....today is March 15th....March 15th...the Ides of March....which if you remember from lit class was immortalized by Shakespeare because it was the day the senators did Caesar in......and hence the phrase....Beware the Ides of March.

Okay so Caesar was supposedly killed that day........Why is the Ides of March really important.....cause I streaked naked across my college campus on the Ides of March with a couple of others girls.....on a cold windy evening in Omaha....which trust me made for a quick run......

I remember there were a few guys along the side walks ....encouraging us along ("run faster?")....but I realize NOW.... they weren't worried we'd catch a cold.........

they wanted us to run faster because certain anatomical parts would dramatically move up and down.....duh....how many years did it take me to figure that one out?????

So....I said to my hub....I should run again....of course ...he thought I was joking....

Which of course made me even more determined to carry out my......... run au natural....

Besides the boys weren't home....and I live on a sleepy street ...who would be up this late looking out their window??

So off I dashed...down the deck......

Hub didn't look startled at all....I think he shouted "turn around"..........which made me wonder if he was one of the boys on that street back in college........that night.

Yeah...turn around and run faster....hmmmmmmmm

I was off to a good start........ when the headlights of about two or three cars....came towards me.......so I ducked....then completed my dash.

By the time I came inside......I was laughing sooooooooo hard.....I couldn't put my clothes back on......

So remember lads and lassies .....when you end up buying fertilzer, doing taxes and painting over the weekend......ye can make your pathetic day fun......with a bit o'bubbly and a desire to take your undies off......and run.......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Which would you Choose?

In thick green ink....I have "taxes" scrawled on my calender for the next two days.

I've averted my eyes from this part of the calender for so long that when this morning arrived and I placed the bag o'receipts on my desk...I felt faint.

I wasn't sure I could dive right in....maybe it had something to do with my filing system....which I admit is creative.

So I checked my email for a diversion....and found a nice one.....an email from a friend with one of those...."have you seen this?"titles in the subject headings.

This is Cathie Jung....a real live 70 year old woman who has the world's smallest waist....according to the Guinness Book of records.....15 inches....the equivalent of a large jar of mayonnaise.

Apparently when she was in her 40's....she decided corseting would be an interesting diversion and...so she started wearing them in progressively smaller sizes....23 hours a day....(she takes it off for one hour to shower)...until after 25 years or so....she has dwindled down to a 15 inch waist. Her husband helps her lace up every day......and is quite proud of her.....he's an orthopedic surgeon and someone who's frontal lobe you would presume would beginning alarming at what was happening to his wife.

She's had xrays taken and apparently nothing is broken although her stomach had two choices ...drift upwards into her lungs or down into her belly....it appears to have headed south since in this picture and a few others I checked out on the web....her abdomen has a strange looking bloat to it.

There was actually a Utube interview done by some British TV folks with her.... but I thought I would be kind and spare you the post ....she seemed dull...and quite frankly dazed....of course...if I was walking around in a stiff corset for a quarter of a century....I'm not sure what my thought process would be either.

Wanting to waste a bit more time....I goggled the LGM club she mentioned....and their links....oops....

this gentleman was proud to show off his fine waist ...which was also a product of years of corset wearing.....of course further down in his blog....he describes how his Mistress canes him when he's lazy about his training...and how happy he is to receive his punishment....and ....oh ho....this is getting a bit too kinky for 8am.....

A few hits to the other links....and things were getting progressively "whippy"...."leathery"....and black....and not just in color......

I guess this week....its either sex or taxes...and at this point.....well......receipts sound a bit soothing.

~~~~

Reflections.....

Last night I wasn't feeling well so I settled into my comfy chair...put my feet up....waited for the cat to find the perfect spot to sit next to me... and read several newspapers.

Many papers, including the New York Times, were allowing readers to comment on Gov. Spitzer's situation in NY.

There were a few amusing emails....mostly wondering why the governor, a smart and attractive man, didn't get a mistress...a legal playmate....since in all likelihood she wouldn't have charged $2000.00/hr for her services...although one reader did concede presents to women could add up.

Other people suggested he should have found a lover, based on the assumption that a woman who might have feelings for him....would be happy to be with him....and wouldn't charge him at all...in essence.....a "freebie."

A rare few even sympathized with his choice for a prostitute....assuming he might have chosen this route...to stay emotionally uninvolved with the woman...and therefore "faithful" to his wife.

If you took out the political emails......you were left with a lot of emails...spewing....comments about the man...and his wife.....which were not based on facts.

Unless a person had intimate knowledge of this couple...their marriage.... their sexual life together....you have no idea what factors were involved in this situation....and the spectrum is wide.....ranging anywhere from a sexless marriage to Spitzer just being an arrogant asshole.

So I found it odd....that these strangers....from all over the country could pinpoint the exact problem..."she's frigid.....he's oversexed......she didn't give him enough attention...he's kinky."

What did these people do....drink a cup of loose leaf tea....check the residue and declare they knew ...without a doubt.....he was into handcuffs and blindfolds? Even Dr. Laura was on the Today Show blaming the whole event on Spitzer's wife....a woman she's never met.

What's on the surface isn't always a reflection of what's below.

This lesson was burned into me a few years ago....when I attended a writing conference in Maryland. It was a cut-throat conference because of the intensity of the critique sessions....and everyone was grateful to attend a midweek cocktail party for a few hours of relief.

I started talking to a couple from Virginia. He was attending the conference and his wife was staying in a hotel nearby...shopping and visiting relatives. I'm a very visual person...and could not keep my eyes off the woman because she was so drop-dead gorgeous/perfect. Shoulder length blond hair...a stunning soft sleeve-less green wrap dress...sophisticated....tall/thin....killer high heels... obviously smart and articulate. We chatted about a hundred topics and then the woman excused herself to go to the restroom.

When she left, I said to the man....."My god...she's a beautiful woman."

He smiled....raised his glass up to me....as if in a toast....and said..."and she's totally self-absorbed....obsessed with her body....and sucks in bed."

My eyes turned into saucers.......the OH NO look....you have told me......a stranger...something wayyyyy too intimate.

I didn't know what to say....I just looked at him....and he looked squarely back into my eyes....and shot a gazillion pounds of personal pain into me....I almost swooned under the weight of it.

Then he blinked....and I blinked....we broke the connection.... and she rejoined us. Her hair perfectly in place.....her lipstick fresh.....they smiled at each other.... the conversation continued.

Even today....if I could show you my soul....I could point to the place where his pain marked me.

I'm not implying Mrs. Spitzer is anything like this woman.....oh no ...not at all.....I only wish to remind folks that most people don't wear their lives on their sleeves.....and to emphatically state we know the intimacies of a man, his life...his family......is not the stuff of true grownups.

I know.....I know........Ann Coulter could make mincemeat of me....lol....compassion is not cool.

~~~~~
For the record...I do believe he should have resigned. He broke the law...engaged in illegal activities......and he has prosecuted other people for the same activity....it's a no brainer.

Walgreens goes BDSM?????.....

My son has a rash and needs a unique prescription. I decided to call a couple of Walgreens to see which one might carry the drug. I was immediately put on hold when I connected with one at the south end of our city..... past experience with this store has taught me I'd have a long wait.

To pass time, I started clicking around Walgreen’s website..... I noticed they had a “Sexual Health” tab. I clicked it....and a page came up with three items: a foam wedge for comfortable positioning, a box of colorful condoms and........a “ Fascinator Shag Throe.”

What?

A fascinator is one of those frou frou things....feathers...bows etc that brides or female party goers put in their hair.

(I guess this is called a fascinator because...people are going to be fascinated? ...either because you look soooooo good....or because you look so idiotic?)

And throe....usually means an agonizing struggle....as in the throes of childbirth.....

So Walgreen’s was selling a shag item to put on your head to create a spasm of pain???

When did they go BDSM?????

Looking at the item didn’t help...it looked like a sleeping bag?


I enlarged the pic and looked for the description.

"The Fascinator Throe is a portable, slip-sliding surface that shields sheets, comforters, quilts and furniture from stains. Feels like fur on one side, satin on the other with a water barrier in-between. Toss it on top of sheets, sofas and fancy home furnishings that you want to shield. "

A “slip-sliding” waterproof surface.

I immediately thought of those banana yellow strips of plastic you place on the grass and attach the hose to.....and the kids slip-slide on them......and go weee....apparently you're supposed to go weeee on this too....except it's a 5x6 square of fuzzyy/satiny material.

And it’s not cheap......$85.00.....(although it arrives in a “non-descriptive” box...which is a good thing because I would hate to have postal employees ponder the merits of delivering a fascinator throe to someone.)

There was even a review from...Bertha the Buxom who describes herself as quality and value oriented person:

~~~~~~~~~
By Bertha the Buxom from Granbury, Texas on 10/25/2007

Pros:
Functional, Prolongs Performance, Heightens Stimulation, Mutually Satisfying, Feels good
Best Uses:
Intimate Settings, Setting The Mood
Describe Yourself:
Quality Oriented, Value Oriented
Bottom Line:
Yes, I would recommend this to a friend

Wow just throw the sucker down on the surface you intend to get down and dirty on and ride that cowboy all the way to town

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time the pharmacy tech answered the phone....I was completely lost in thought.

Cowboys...water slides....and Bertha were all jumbled in my imagination.

“Can I help you?,” she said again ...obviously irritated.

I snapped back to reality and asked for the medication.

“Anything else?”

Truly...there was a part of me that wanted to ask.....

“Do you think you need an $85.00 Fascinator Throe to have sex on a couch?”

I didn’t ask.....I have to live in this town....

but let’s just say ....I have a stack of old soft blankets in my closet that aren’t going to Good Will.....

~~~~~~

Really I don't make these things up....Walgreens Sexual Health Site.

Continuing the Religious theme.......Wishing stools for Sisters

When Jesus arrives in your Mail.........

I was armed and ready for business......with a Tuareg letter opener I bought in Niger (and yes.. it's ironic to buy a letter opener from a nomad)....and a stack of mail. I planning to quickly cut through the mail..toss out the junk..... and get to what I owe to whom.

I slit one envelope open and saw a pinky-purple sheet inside....most bills aren't pink. I pulled it out and spread it open..... there was Jesus on a paper rug complete with drawn fringe. The image confused me....since my trip to Africa....I associate prayer rugs with Islam....but here He was ...with eyes closed and topped by a crown of thorns....in the middle of a Persian-type rug.

The inscription at the bottom of the "rug" reads: Look into Jesus' Eyes....they're closed...when his eyes open and look into yours...kneel on this rug...then please check your needs on our letter to you....and return the rug....do not keep it.



What? This is spooky. I stared at his eyes....you can see it's one of those optical illusions...you look at it one way and you see the eyes...you look at it the other way...and the eyes are closed.

I didn't kneel on the paper.....but I did check out which "needs" eyes-wide open Jesus could help me with. Here's part of the needs list:

I want help with:

my soul (who doesn't need a bit more soul?)

.

my health ( I've got a few ouches)

.

my children (three check marks here)

.

confusion in my home (can this go to the top of the list?)

.

stopping a bad habit (am I limited to picking just one?)

.

a home to call my own ( does a second home at the beach qualify?)

.

and finally.......................

.

Prayers for God to bless me with this amount of money___________(fill in the blank)

.

and yes....there's actually a blank line......

Now if I would mail back my needs....and my used kneeled-on prayer rug.......I could....open a sealed piece of paper with secret prophecies......about my future......


Did we forget something here? Why of course....a little seed money....just a little donation ....for more rugs to be printed and goods works to continue....how can you say no to such nice people....especially since they were going to ask Jesus to send you all that cash.

The letter ends with a few testimonials.....a lady got a mysterious check for $46,000 ...another man had a claim settle for thousands of dollars.....Jesus is on a roll......so hurry and get in line and join the blessings.

Curious....I did check out St. Matthews and the prayer rug online. Lots of stuff....appears St. Matthews is a post office box in Tulsa (sans church) and a Rev. Ewing who owns the operation has pulled in millions. If I understand correctly....it's not illegal to ask for donations.....and people donate.

In fact.....on one website.....it claimed the "ministry" targets the most vulnerable type of people those:

"hardcore true believers who are poor, uneducated and most vulnerable to promises of financial awards"

Okay......how did I get on this mailing list??????
~~~~~~~

This is soooo funny....the Prayer Rug in Action....

Holy Snowballs!!!

What?

.

My son is talking on his cellphone at 630am. Is there school???....why shouldn't there be school??

.

Look out window.

.

What?

.

It lightening and thundered last night....when and how and where did this stuff come from? Here in the south.....we haven't had a single ice or snow storm all year.

.

Alas...my stupid little prized geraniums I kept in the garage all winter and watched over. I put them out last night to catch the rain.....not two inches of snow. They may be goners. How's that for ironic?

My son....a senior in high school....but still wanting to be the first one to make tracks in the snow.

Damn....I just put the pillows out on the lawn furnture.

~~~~

Pictures for a Grim...Cold....Evening.

Ohhhhh No......Spring got sprung!!! My daffodils were blooming this weekend....I took a walk in shorts and a sweatshirt......spring was here.....and now.....cold rain and a chance of snow/ice for Tuesday???????.........Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Okay.... look hard at this pic.......it was floating around the bookstore.....click to enlarge and you'll see the problem if you don't already.

Stop if you feel pain or faint

This was on an exercise bike .....I passed by......okay...I don't know about you....but personally....if I faint....I sort of go ....limp......but I guess there are people in the world who'd faint and keep on pedaling????

(trophy wives?)

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The Story in the Story.............

When you write non fiction.....narratives....stories about your life....it's always important to find the story in the story.

Sometimes I find the patience and perseverance to do this difficult.....because the story seems interesting enough....why add more?

But finding the inner story.....looking beyond the surface....often helps you find hidden meaning which enriches the story and makes it bigger....even more universal.

I went to Shabbat services Friday at the Temple. I almost feel guilty because I had such a good time.

The service was not held in the sanctuary but in the main hall with tables placed in a big square. We had wine in the foyer where I was introduced to several people and then in the hall ...a buffet dinner. I gasped when I passed the chicken on the table because right next to it was a huge container of kugel....an Eastern European noodle and cheese dish which both my grandmothers made for me as a kid.

Food was followed by ceremony....music....and then the Rabbi gathered the children around time for drash........story-telling.

The story was absolutely beautiful...about people who had arms that couldn't bend and ample food....but they were starving because they couldn't bring their spoons from the food to their mouths. Eventually....in the story....the prophet finds a community not only with ample food but with healthy people....why? because these folks dipped their spoons in the food ...turned ....and fed each other.... working together..... taking care of each other .....saved them and insured prosperity.

I would have gotten more details of the story...but my friend made a joke to his friends...and they all started talking and laughing. I squirmed in my seat....thinking oh no...I'm sitting with the bad boys of the temple!! Trust me....every gray haired woman in the place turned and gave them "the look."

Afterwards....we went over to my friend's home to listen to Hebrew music, talk and watch his energetic little dog.....run circles around the room and literally fly over couches and chairs...even with us in them.

On Saturday....I spent the afternoon painting...still working on the bathroom remodel....the trim work was slow and tedious with the enamel paint and I started thinking about my original temple story....the one I wrote earlier this week..... a story I've carried around for years.

I kept thinking of the woman that gave me nasty looks.....and I suddenly felt embarrassed......deeply embarrassed......what kind of conviction and determination did I have that a mere squint....could so easily derail me? Of course I was uncomfortable...but where was my Gina-fight...my stubborness when I really want something?

I thought of the history of the Jewish people....and realized that if I couldn't handle a wayward glance.......then I really didn't have the balls to be there and join them.

I put the paint brush down and sat outside for a while. I didn't expect to find that story within my story.

A belated blessing on the squinty-eyed woman.

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