My black hole community project is over. I finished on Sunday evening. For a couple of months, I've had two things pasted to my computer terminal...the quote "Embrace the Suck" and the number of days till I get "my life back."
On
Monday morning, I got my life back and it ain't pretty.
First of all, I feel terrible. I can't sleep and wake up before dawn....I was looking forward to collapsing in bed and sleeping for at least 14 hours. That's not happening.
Next, I'm having strange food cravings. I didn't eat much over the weekend--- I was too nervous. Monday morning I faced a horrible calling for potatoe chips, sweet pickle slices, red meat and chocolate.
I ate potatoe chips and pickles for breakfast and was severely bloated and irritable by noon. Think puffer fish.
But the chips and pickles didn't stop the strange cravings....by mid- afternoon, I stopped en route to an errand at McDonalds. I don't like McDonalds and I think their meat is suspicious.....but the red meat craving simply guided my car to the golden arches.
I sat there eating a burger in the almost empty restuarant and felt like a preacher in a porn shop....sinfully chomping down on the slick and forbidden.
I had plans to answer emails on Monday night, plans to make plans for the rest of my life....instead I remembered where the hidden chocolate was stashed....stared at my laptop.....deleted some emails ......and got some stern graphic paper out to make a to-do list..... but I discovered.....I was clueless as to what to write down...and my life would have to wait till Tuesday.
On Tuesday....I woke up tired....I did not crave pickles and chips......however.... my red meat craving was still roaring. My son brought home a hunk of prime rib Monday night. I think I eat prime rib once every other year.... usually at a wedding or some formal type reception....I sat down and had it for breakfast......with ketchup......for hours afterwards I walked around holding my belly and groaning.....I felt like a very large cow was sleeping in my stomach.
Surely on Tuesday evening....I would start reorganizing my life.
Instead I found an interesting garbage bag on the floor by my desk. It was full of papers....obviously the men folks didn't take the recylcing out....I picked up the bag and noticed there were envelopes, magazines....paper flyers. I poked at the contents.....OH HO>>>> now I realized why I hadn't been worried or bothered by bills....the men folks had tossed all official and unofficial correspondence for the last couple of weeks in the brown paper garbage bag. I could almost hear my credit score drop as I painfully looked at bills which I knew should have been paid weeks ago. So I devoted my evening to making sure the electricity and gas wouldn't be turned off.
Surely today...
Wednesday......I would get my life back in order.
I woke up at dawn, I
layed in bed....and wondered where my clock was.
I read a few emails and answered them.....
I forgot to shower.....I watered a plant....
I wrote down some names in my address book....
I watched Judge Judy....always surprised how many smart women get hooked up with really really stupid men.
I sat on the porch and watched the rain....
I studied the tornado warning map on TV....and realized after ten years living in this state I
didn't know most of the county names.
I made a mental note to thank my mom for an Easter card....but I forgot to call her.
I remembered I was going to Slovenia....but remembering I said yes.... is the only trip preparation I've done.
I read more emails...many asked me what I thought about my community project and what was my "perspective" on things. The word "perspective" made me nervous because as of 5PM this evening ...I had none.
I read the definition of "
sexualization" as recently defined by the American Psychologist Association....
sexualization: a person's value coming only from her sexual appeal or behavior to the exclusion of other personal characteristics. I found it fascinating and wrote it down on a piece of paper.
I listened to 4 cell phone messages from people I worked with on my community project. I saved them for 14 days ....and hoped I could deal with them by then.
I fed my writing fish twice who lives next to my computer because he had a hungry look in his eye and I'm not sure when I fed him last.
My cat howled at me several times because she is highly offended I was not home Friday and Saturday.
My hub reminded me when he got home from work... that the "damn cat" came into the bedroom each night I was gone at 5AM to let him know I was not there....secretly I think that's funny but I made a mental note to myself to drug the cat should I ever try to run away from home.
It's now almost 10PM.
There are piles of clothes in my bedroom, there's smelly laundry from the men folks piled in piles in the laundry room that suspiciously look like the piles I saw there weeks ago.
Another thunderstorm has come and gone.
My fresh blank graphic papers is waiting for me to record my new objectives and goals.
I have four pair of shoes in the computer room waiting to go somewhere.
My cell phone rings and it's my youngest son.....who stopped at the grocery store. "Do you need anything?"
Yes....I tell him.....double strength chocolate ice cream, fudge,
maraschino cherries and a can of whip cream. I hear him gasp when I say, "can of whip cream. " He knows this is a
serious situation.
When youngest son arrives home, I go downstairs and start cutting up the banana...half for me ...half for our lizard.
The men folks are staring at me...the polite type of stare you give to crazy folks.
I scoop ice cream, glop fudge on, toss bananas, squirt cream and add a cherry.
As I walk away....I hear my husband tells the boys.....
"Don't worry it always takes her a few days to come back."
I'm staring at the bowl of gooey ice cream on my desk here.
I'm hoping my life comes back to me real soon....because chocolate and beef can create dangerously smelly farts....and this is a really small computer room.
~~~~~
