I found a Magic Weenie..............

I found a Magic Weenie.

It was in a bookcase I was rearranging.

Dusty....forgotten.

We got this from the Oscar Meyer Weenier truck which passed through our small California town when the kids were little....in other words....a long long time ago.

I dusted the weenie off.....and blew into it........

.

Ozzie, my male dog, immediately ran up to me.

.

"What? " My husband shouted a second later.

.

Hmmmmm.....it seems to attract males.

.

So I blew it again....forcefully.

.

The dog squeaked and wagged his tail.

.

My husband growled from the other room, "Do you need something ?"

.

Whoa.

.

I'm not sure what to use it for.....perhaps I could blow into it when none of the guys are home and all their socks would emerge from all the nooks and corners of our house and line up in a row.

.

Hmmmm.....perhaps I could blow it while driving to work......would men in their cars all line up next to me and create a special Gina motorcade?

.

Hmmmm.....what if I blew it at work....would it sift the genders like a colander.....men all gathered round me........women left somewhere else in the store?

.

What if I climbed the little mountain near my house....and stood on top and blew it so the winds would carry the sounds far far away.

.

Would every man I've known feel an irresistible urge to come down south and find me?

.

Wow.

.

I placed it inside a little box on my desk until I can figure out what to do with it.

~~~~~~~

A few of the songs I discovered.....

Many the Miles - Sara Bareilles

~~~~~~~~~~

brick - ben folds five
~~~

Ill Sing A Love Song To You - Candi Staton

Finally....Music!

I love music.....

but I simply don't know where to find it.

I listen to the radio stations here in town....and they're limited and so pop.....I end up with playlists and cds that sound like they came out of Dick Clark's garage.

Sometimes people give me a cd they've mixed and I covet it....searching out the artists...and discovering their albums.

But that's a lot of work....so with my life in a squeeze in the last year I've lived in a muscial dungeon....it was so bad I wouldn't show anyone my itunes library.

A couple of weeks ago I found some playlists online and copied about 4 or 5 lists.

Bought the stuff...with only an itunes soundbite.....and burned a few cds to take along on the long drive between Iowa and Chicago and home.

It was interesting to pop in these unknown cd's from someone's playlist and see if the music fit me and my feelings. But I either picked well or was lucky....cause few tunes I loved so much....I plugged in my earphones and listened to them directly from my phone so I could catch every muscial nuance.

Today....I was reorganizing some bookshelves in our study and needed creativity and some music.

I fired up the men's folks computer which lives in that room.... and stumbled upon a program called Pandora's internet radio.

You type in a song or an artist you like and the computer analyzes it and comes up with additional tunes you might like....like having a musical shrink except you don't have to lie (or lay?) down on the couch.
.
I plugged easy things in like Sting, Jack Johnson...and some songs like Night Swimming....and out popped some incredible stuff.
.
I couldn't bookmark the tunes fast enough. I even threw a difficult band in to stump the program....one called Moshav from Isreal but the related tunes that came out were incredible.
.
From music drought....to music flood....
.
my head is actually spinning tonight ...full of melodies and artists I never knew existed....it's like my soul caught color....... and it has been very pale lately...lol
.
I tried to put Pandora's gadget on my blog to show you the tunes I've been loving today...unfortunatley the widget included my name and personal email....and for this blog ...if you don't know who I am....I'd rather keep some privacy.
.
So I'm listing them off to the side......>>>>>>>>>maybe you need some new tunes too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What Pandora Looks Like....

What Pandora looks like....Create a Station...by putting in a song or artist and then it finds music that is similiar you might like......

If you're interested in how it works.....press here for a wiki definition *

I love my dog...lol

"Ozzzieeeeeeeeeee!"

I spin around ready to scold him.

I'm rubbing my forehead with one hand....and covering up my butt with the other hand.

Ozzie is looking up at me with devoted eyes, a dog grin and a tail wagging from side to side.

He looks like he's either thinking this is the way all mornings should start or it's time for breakfast.

I think it's the later...but then again.... who really understands male ecstasy?

Besides.... how do you teach a dog not to stick his cold wet nose in your private parts....when you bend over to get your clothes out of the dryer and your fresh from your shower and wearing only a robe?

Is it Bowwwwowow wow? or Bow wow wow wow Bow?

And how do you teach him that your butt is different from the poodle butt sashaying past him on the sidewalk?

I don't say a thing and just bend over to give him a big hug.

.

He looks like he knows he's hit the jackpot.

Food, water, safety, warmth, a territory, walkies and an occasional good butt smell.

Dog heaven.

I've owned several dogs since I graduated from college....but I've never owned a smart, calm, non-goofy one till Ozzie.

My past canine friends were notorious for their quirkiness.

Buster the Beagle....a hole digging...incorrigible baying hound. I took him to obedience school. We won second place in the final trails. When we came home, ribbon in hand, he peed on the couch.

Minnie the Weimaraner. Dumber than a bag of hammers. Ate steel wool pads, stole food off the kitchen counter, and tried to dig into the floor during thunderstorms.

.

Mike the Mealy. Not his fault. Abused puppy...forever submissive and showing us his wienie at the slightest provocation. Yell at someone to pick up their shoes.....there's Mike on his back...leg up...wienie exposed. Good boy....put your leg down.

With this type of history, it's rather amazing to say...."Go downstairs " and Ozzie walks down the stairs...or find your shoes still have mates in the morning or even calling down the street...."Ozzie come back" and HE DOES.

And yet...he is also strong and beautiful.... beautiful in the way...he is an animal.

60 pounds of muscles ....leaping over bushes and tree trunks....the bulk...the mass...the shine of his fur in the sunlight.. a healthy, fit, substantial animal.

When a large or powerful animal...turns to obey you....to follow you....it's thrilling and primal.

.

Horses....hawks...elephants...when these animals pair with us....we feel stronger.

When a shaking chihuahua or hamster burrows in our arms....we become protective....even nurturing...it's a different set of feelings.

.

I peek out of my office to see where Ozzie is right now....

.

He is in the foyer on our first floor.... asleep on a small blanket I put there for him....his people are upstairs....our other pet, our deaf dog, who depends on him to be her protector...is blissfully asleep downstairs.

.

He is in between and right by the front door...fully engaged in his doggy business....knowing where everyone and every other animal is in the house...and guarding the path which allows strangers into the house.

.

You just gotta love a dog like that.......

.

Goodnight Ozzie.....

Working from home.....or did you see that condom ad?

I decided to work from this morning....because I have a thousand things to look up and print from my computer. It's a tad anti-social...but heck it would take me 8 hours to do this in the office with all the interruptions...or a good morning's work if I cloistered myself in my home office.

I decided to eat lunch, read Slate online for a few minutes then hit the shower and go back to the office. An article I read.... mentioned some wildly popular condom ads on U-tube with something like 5 million hits?

I watched a few of the ads and scared my dog cause I was laughing so hard.

So I decided to post a few of them.

Here's the warning.....the first one is G-RATED and cute.....the second one is subtle....and the last one is graphic in its own way.... and LOLOLLOL>>>>> I was gonna type squirrel-ly...but that's the wrong species.


Feelings.....




Advice for a tough economy......



Oh my..........

Do-land

I tapped a note on my phone and sent it to myself.

"feb21"

My next writing group meeting.

I don't know if I can write anymore or even what I could write about.

I stopped writing a year ago.

Writing in the sense of writing essays, narratives, stories....things that might be submitted for publication.

I put my children's book manuscript, the one I wrote about Africa, in a plastic bag and hid it under a skirted table in my bedroom.

I deleted a file of erotic fiction.

I went back to the safety of not creating.

I do now.

I do the bills. I do my work. I do my job. I do the house. I do what I'm supposed to do.

Writing and art never come from "do."

They come from a different place.... a place that needs passion and light.

To write well you have to turn on a spotlight and shine it in your head and heart and guts.

You have to shine it in dark places and hope exposing something...a feeling ....an event...an idea ...creates something new.

It's a strange land..... because you're constantly absorbing....a piece of dialogue in a restaurant, the way something looks in the sunlight, the way you feel when you hear certain words or see the ordinary acts of life play in front of you.

It's a land that's also not totally in this dimension. If you're writing well....you flow out of yourself and flow in something else....something universal....which rises above the normal barriers of culture and language.

For reasons too personal to explain here, I woke up one morning, shut off the light.....and walked into "do" land.

The only times I leave do-land is during religious services....when I watch a man sway and sing and close his eyes in prayer at the podium. I sense he's in that universal and I try, briefly, to hitch a ride.

I can't decide if I want to leave do-land or even if I can.

I don't have any stories.....I don't have perceptions begging to be released.... I don't have anything to say.

I'm a mute in do-land and now I have a date to speak.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is so wonderful I can hardly stand it......

SOUTH BEND, Ind. - An 83-year-old South Bend man said he missed his bus home from the presidential inauguration because he was dancing. Mussa Muhammad said his "spirit jumped sky-high" when President Barack Obama took the oath of office Tuesday.

He became separated from his group and, he said, "just danced and danced" with a couple of young women he met along the way.

Muhammad's tour group waited five hours for him, but left Washington after tour leaders spoke with his wife. Rev. Lefate Owens of Elkhart Community Missionary Baptist Church said she assured them that Muhammad would be all right.

Muhammad said he got on the wrong bus and got off in Pittsburgh, where he took a Greyhound bus home.

He arrived in South Bend Wednesday, still wearing the black-and-white suit with red dots that he wore to the inauguration

Bless a man who has spirit, especially sky-high spirit, bless a man who enjoys life and isn't afraid....(even if his wife is a minister).. bless a man who has a suit with red dots on it.

Amen.

I just might have to buy this.....

I've seen books and mugs and hats and plates and fake coins to remember the inauguration....

but this is so tacky.....it almost crosses into cool....

Obama as a chia pet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Home.

Last night on Facebook, I updated my status with the simple sentence, "Gina is home now."

Home.

Iowa, the blizzard, the bitter painful cold and my parent's little hell are more like fingerprints on a glass ....traces of what I dealt with but nowhere physically to be seen.

I found myself awake and in the dark this morning... listening to the heater chug on against the cold in the house....and seeing the images of the past week slide by.........My son and I walking in the snow on campus towards his adviser's office, the cocoon of the car traveling in the white white of the blizzard, and of course....my mother shrieking over and over again at my father, "You bastard...you bastard....you bastard".... as we put our coats and hats on and told her we were going out to pay some bills...bills she insisted didn't exist....bills that would probably shut down their heat and electricity in a few more weeks.

My mom has always been a difficult woman....controlling, narcissistic, manipulative ....but it's frightening to see her, Virginia Wolf-like....pointing hatefully at my father....a man who gentle nurses her for 24 hours a day....spewing venom...her face contorted in anger....her too long shoulder-length gray hair creating the image of a strange Halloween harpy.

My father sits there, back hunched, head hung....and with a wince and shrug shows me how he handles the hot jabs ...how he let's it all slide off of him. Although I favor my father in many things....I cannot handle her this way....when she occasionally targeted me.... I become articulate, logical and angry....making up for all the time....I sat there as a girl ...a teen....a young woman...biting my lip and holding my tongue.

I left them ...at least temporarily....safe and secure. My dad and I found a checking account with money....and shored up all the necessities... insurance, heat, electricity, water, phone service and food. My next trip, I'll deal with car and of course the future......evaluation, assistance...perhaps moving them closer.

On the way home, I listened to Cd's for hours.....new and unfamiliar music I pulled off some one's playlist.....songs and melodies which kept me focused on the tunes rather than what I had left behind. When the Cd's changed over and there was a small silence....I wondered who would I be when I was old....the agitated Harpy or the complacent one. I was glad the music kicked in quickly....I really didn't like either choice.

As the snow and ice slid off the hood of the car, thanks to the warmer temperatures as I headed south, as I shed the obvious "this car has been up north look" on the road....I found myself itching for my notebook. Not to record any of this....indeed I'm afraid too many images are embedded in my mind already....but to plan.....not what I'm going to do with my parents....but what I'm going to do with me.......in the small spaces of freedom I have between job and my responsibilities with them ....what can I do...what would I like to do to keep myself interesting and growing and connected to my immediate family and friends.

It was a strange thought....almost novel thought after focusing on my parents all week long....but it felt important....a planned escape to make sure I keep living despite what's ahead...and perhaps insurance against the rage and complacency....I hoping I have more options.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

...-15 degrees....brrrrrrr

Safe but shakey

My teeth are chattering.....I'm sitting in my parent's basement wondering if I'm shaking because it's a Lake Michigan special frigid 9 degrees....or if I'm still recovering from the drive.....or if I'm nervous about what's coming up in the next few days with them.

It is wicked cold....the special wet sub zero cold that slaps you mercilessly here in the Midwest. During the day with a blue sky and sunshine... it was tolerable....but as soon as night hit....all the charm vanished.

Yesterday's drive was tough. Blizzard driving....not in my repertoire anymore.

The drive was long and slow and tedious. Cars were littered to and fro like some giant got mad and tossed them to the side of the road.

I hit the brakes gently because of a snow plow and suddenly I was sliding from one lane to the other ...gaining control....losing control....the car spun suddenly and I ended up perpendicular to the lanes but at least not moving.

Ahead of me....a nice deep ravine....which I stared at for a few seconds.....a nose dive down the slope would have meant an intimate encounter with several big oak trees.

And today my parents....what a fucking mess.

My mom....good in so many ways....but paranoid and hording and suspicious in some ways that are endangering their safety now. She quite her checking account because she thought the bank was taking her money, she hasn't made car or house insurance payments, ignoring credit card bills.

I tried to reason with her....asked if I could help her...got firm and told her if the house burnt down that would have nothing since she hasn't paid her home owners insurance..but she gets belligerent and illogical and says she owes no one money....she berates my father...and just gets mean....a trait she has always harbored but at least when she was "normal"there were inhibitory controls.

I wish I could get in the car and drive someplace now...anyplace really......but instead I'm sitting the basement...with the fat crazy isolated cats....who are not on her cute list anymore...(a trait I share with them)and wondering what the hell to do...where to start.

There is so much to shake about tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Iowa fun

All I have seen for miles is this truck's butt...I feel strangely
attached to him.... My trucker lifeline

Welcome to Iowa

Winter Road trip

I haven't even checked the weather...but no matter....I am leaving for a winter road trip on Saturday.

.

Heading up to Iowa to drop my son off at school....then heading to Minneapolis....then on to Chicago then back home.

.

I am looking forward to the solitude of the road and the down time.

.

I've gotten three fat audio books and a couple of new Cd's my son burned for me off some play lists I copied from the web.

.

It sounds odd to some people....but I have missed traveling alone.

.

When I was writing, I would attend conferences and meetings and often schedule some time before or after to just be in the city or place by myself.

.

Being alone gives me time to think and absorb a location.

.

If you travel with someone or you're traveling for business you're often so preoccupied with the person or the business...you can't sop up the flavor of where you are...the smells, the architecture, the thousand of observations about people and place and food and the slant of the light .

.

I am also desperate for art.

.

Ever since I've started working full time....my reading and movie time and writing time have hoovered near zero.

.

My whole creative self feels shriveled. I do hope to meet a friend in Minneapolis but if she is not available....I have booked a hotel near the art museum and plan to drift there for hours.. ..re-hydrating my spirit.

.

Then on to Chicago....where I will help my parents for a few days before the drive home and the return to work.

.

I have nothing ready ....just a to do list of 25 things I must finish at work on Friday... before I can even focus on what I need to pack....but it forces me to be simple...jeans...a sweater...a jacket...a camera...I don't need a lot for this.....but I do need a lot from this.

~~~

Horror Barbie meet Obsessed Ken....

I have a feeling this is an old ad....but still.....

I mean it's brilliant.....but after stumbling upon Peck-my-eyes-our Barbie....this Ken is a bit creepy.

~~~~~~~~

Horror film Barbie......

I love movies but when I saw this ad....I had to rub my eyes.

Barbie + an Alfred Hitchcock movie?

A movie where birds go berserk and peck people to death?

I remember watching "The Birds" on TV late one night when I was in high school.

Till this day....when I see swarms of birds flying low above me...I get a nanoflash of a scene in the movie when the birds start attacking people.....

Wow...what a great gift for a little girl.........can we say, "Mommy I'm having bad dreams?"

Of course it's not for kids....but geez....even a grown woman collecting a Barbie-being-attacked doll is a bit creepy.....

and even more creepy....you can buy it online at..... Walmart.

Hmmmm.....I don't remember the birds hitting below the belt.....

Is there some kind of subliminal message here from a deranged toy designer?
~~~

Happy New Year

My Happy Interesting Hanukkah-Christmas-Latke-Kielbasa Holiday Week

I said the prayers the best I could tonight....it wasn't the right time...and I'm sure I mangled most of the words.

You simply can't take a girl from the south side of Chicago who omits the "th" in words and expect her to say "shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higianu."

No way.

I listened to the audio on the net 100 times...but what I hear in Hebrew...what I see on the paper and what I say....are not related.

But it is the last night of Hanukkah and I'm in Jew School....so I did my best.

This week my family celebrated multiple times in multiple ways ....being together....and being attuned to something beyond ourselves.
.
We started celebrating last Sunday when I took my entire family to the Temple for the Hanukkah celebration. They were wide-eyed and I was nervous.
.
In Jew School I'm about as knowledgeable as a pre-schooler and yet here I was taking everyone to Temple as if I knew what I was doing.....which I didn't...but people who knew me there ....kissed me... shook hands with my family....and smiled.
.

The Rabbi came over hugged me and chuckled....another complicated multiple faith/belief family situation...so what's new? There are many stories in the Temple...and mine is just another strand in the weave of this community.

As we walked back to our car after chicken, latkes and live music....we planned the rest of our week:

a dinner at a Mexican restaurant for my daughter's birthday....

latkes and beef brisket and candle lightening the following day....

Kielbasa, sauerkraut and pierogies to remember our Eastern European heritage on Xmas Eve

and finally Xmas.....which we would celebrate like we always have....with a special brunch....a family walk in the afternoon....presents... a turkey dinner....and watching movies together....including the infamous Pee Wee Herman Xmas special.

Mu daughter (on the right) watches my friend light the candles.


My impromptu candle holders for the Hanukkah portion of our week


Latkes from heaven...crisp hot crunchy....

The traditional Xmas celebration....with gingerbread houses and a glorious dinner of champagne, turkey, sweet potatoes and The Green Bean Casserole....plus cheesecake from the bookstore.

.

We even tossed some movies into the holiday brew....my daughter and I watching our favorite movie...Sleepless in Seattle....caught Slumdog Millionaire at the theatre...and everyone watched Wall-e.

.

It was a rich and full week....the house full of kids....dogs...an angry cat.....the smell of roasted turkey and fried potatoes and fresh buttermilk biscuits.....pots and pans clanging....the dishwasher swishing through load after load of dishes....and the garage door going up and down a thousand times as 5 people got in and out of cars and ran errands and shopped and dashed to friends' houses.

In a few hours.....Monday morning....our regular life will begin again....my daughter returns to Ohio.....I go back to work .....and my youngest son will play video games late into the night till I remind him he has to go back to college.

.

It's been a special week....a good week....

and now I turn towards remembering my friends......letters... emails....little presents....

.

it's about connections.....it always was....and still is.....

~~~~~~~

Wow......Slumdog Millionaire

"Wow"

That's all I could say to my daughter at the movie theater when Slumdog ended.

We both looked at each other and said "incredible" in unison.

A very dark, disturbing, tense....love story.....involving kismet....set in India.

Fate.

Barriers.

Finding someone .....having your heart find someone.....as if an invisible string led you right to him or her.

A love story encased in the cruel barebone poverty of the slums and the surprising energy and ingenuity which springs from that harsh reality.

Wow.
~~~~~~~~~

Uh-huh

Hmmmmm......

Solstice....

Early this morning...I woke up....looked at the sun shining through the window....and smiled.

I felt like a marathon runner who had made it across the finish line.

Bruised, weary....but in the end ...somewhat elated...I pulled myself out of bed and felt grateful.

Although January 1st is still a few days away.....Winter Solstice....has for years....been my spiritual-psychological New Year.....

a day of hope.....a day when I consciously remember the darkness and shortened days are over....and the earth from this day forward.....second by second ....minute by minute heads towards longer days and spring.

This year....my heart, my spirit and even my body took a beating......

beloved connections lost.... surprising and difficult roadblocks in my new job....an injury which made walking a painful ordeal for months...and of course....the encroaching storm of problems with my aging parents and their health...

everything weighed so heavily on me some days....I felt like a zombie walking through my own life .....

but small hopes have kicked in......

I started religious classes a few months ago and discovered a new spiritual home.....

my job will enter a quieter phase for the next few months....

I've found a elder-law specialist in Chicago to help me with my parents....

and duh---I've re-realized how much I value my family and friends....


small things....

............seeds actually

which like the beauty berries I found this morning up against the old wooden fence.....

wait their turn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erotic Electronics

The men folk say to me sometimes, "Why don't you watch TV in the family room? It's comfy...you can sit/lay on the couch...why are you hunched over the kitchen counter watching the little TV?"

Here's my answer:

This is an unstaged photo of what lies on my coffee table....

All of these remotes are somehow connected to our TV/DVD/Cable/Stereo.

Perhaps there are some old remotes in this group from our former TV....but which one?

Your guess is as good as mine.

To a guy....this cornucopia of electronic devices lying on our coffee table.......is the equivalent of a happy little problem to solve.

I've watched the men folk approach this electronic collage with a sense of adventure...

they pick up one or two...point..click...hmmm...repunch.....and finally viola....whatever they wanted to turn on magically begins.

They don't seem frustrated...offended ....lost....or bothered. It's like a lateral Rubik's cube.

Enter Gina.

I don't even know which one to pick up for which system....nor do I know what button to push....

and don't tell me it's the "power" button....because sometimes you press the "TV" or "satellite" button before...after...or during the press of the power button....

this I know from operating the little kitchen TV......and let me tell you my success rate for turning on and getting to the channel I want....is about 75%.

It must be gender wiring....male pathways....which assess the situation and then feel challenged....oh look ....something for me to solve.

Do you know what I feel when I look down at this.....frustration, anger, incompetence (my own) and a dollop of exasperation.

Why does this have to be so hard?????

People we have robots scooting around the the surface of MARS.....

someone ...somewhere can figure out.....a simple system to turn on a flat screen TV.

If phone companies, airlines and consumer companies can operate on voice recognition systems ( do you have an account with us? please say yes or no. Now tell us the account number...)

Why can't my TV?

Why can't I just speak into the remote and say...."Home and Garden Channel"

That's it........

turn on the fucking TV to the home and garden channel so I can watch....My House is Worth What?

And if this horrifies males....and the male need to problem-solve.....I'm willing to compromise.....put 2/3/4 remotes in the box with a system.....just make the voice-recognition remote pink.

You can still operate your DVD by pressing buttons on multiple remotes OR you can grab the pink remote and say "play DVD".

Amen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winter in the South....

I don't know why I try and save the geraniums.

.

They're cheap... replaceable... just ordinary flowers.

.

They sit in old clay pots with cracks and nicks and white lines etched by hard water.

.

As the temperature started to drop yesterday, I passed them by and shrugged.

.

So die this year....I'm too busy to fuss over you.

.

But this afternoon, when the first ping of sleet pellets hit the window, I threw open the front

door.....and hauled them into the foyer.

.

Leaves....dirt.....mulch....scattered on the oriental rug.

.

I placed a couple of plastic bags on the carpet in the living room.....and moved them over...

their leggy arms reaching for the door and their former life.

.

The ice thickens on the sidewalk tonight, the house is cold and feels dark

.

the heater hums and we are all huddled together

.

dogs....plants....people

.

perhaps I am superstitious

.

or prone to magical thinking

.

but I am just an ordinary person too

.

in a flawed and weather shell

.

and like everyone

.

I hope my presence

.

in the lives of people I know and have been connected to

.

is valuable enough

.

to be saved.

~~~~~~~~~

Ozzie and me

Nothing beats a brisk walk in the bright winter sunlight late in the afternoon. Ozzie and Me stop by the bridge near our house to watch some ducks drift by on the stream.

You know you're working too hard when..............

Everything was ready.

I reviewed my notes several times the night before. Selected my clothes, put my jewelry and shoes out, placed my purse and notebook.... in a pile on the kitchen counter top so I could make a quick exit.

Even though it was Sunday, I planned to arrive at work by 6:45am. I had a big event to coordinate at the store....lots of people, a fussy point person to deal with....and with revenue down.....an important sales opportunity.

I grabbed my purse....and realized my phone was still on my nightstand.....

A few butterflies flitted around in my stomach....but I took a deep breath....and dashed upstairs for the phone.

Now with purse in hand, phone secured....notebook....and my jacket....I was ready to leave....but where's my car key?

I opened my purse and rummaged around...hmmmmm......I thought it was on the counter....I thought I had laid it out on top of my purse the night before....where did I put it?

I checked the usual places....the key basket.....the kitchen table.....a nice squeeze of panic gripped me....this was not good......my son lost the spare key.....there was only one key for the Subaru....and the two tables I needed for the event were stored in the cargo space.

I ran upstairs.....checked laundry room....checked pantry.....checked floors....checked the chairs....checked computer room...

I could feel my heart and arteries pound pound pound.....where is the damn key?????????

Finally.....in complete panic....I woke hub up.....a desperate move....you don't wake hub up on his sleep-in day.......unless it's an emergency.

"I can't find the car key .....I'm late.....do you know where it is??"

Hub turns over and growls...."It was on the kitchen counter last night"

I fly downstairs.....look under the newspaper....open the cabinet drawers....

full panic now...even if I take his car to work.....I need the tables ...locked in my car.....for the event.

I look up....and there's hub......eyes slinty....hair standing up.....think grizzly bear wearing underwear.....

"I can't find the key.....it's not on the counter." You could hear desperate in my voice.

"The key......."

He points at me.....

"The key is around your neck."

I reach for my neck and find the lanyard with the car key.

I wear a lanyard with a id badge at work... so the weight....the feel of something flapping around my neck....is the norm.

The bear retreated back to bed....I flew out the door.....hoping all the bad luck for the day had been used up already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part of my job description......

22a: You may be asked to drive monkeys to and from their destinations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ozzie

I set my morning alarm 32 minutes earlier today than yesterday and when it rang, instead of stepping into the shower, I pulled on an assortment of mismatched grunge clothes and laced up my old tennis shoes.

I headed down to the laundry room and as soon as I entered the room a big thump thump thump noise greeted me.

I peered down into the brand new kennel and chuckled. We haven't had a dog with a tail in a zillion years....so the thump thump thump of I'm-happy-to-see-you....was a new sound for me.

Ozzie popped out of the cage, stretched his neck to receive his chain and lease, and we headed out the door.

His tail was like a crazy windshield wiper blade....flicking side to side as we walked down the dark street.

A blast of wind and a million crunchy oak leaves raced in front of us. Ozzie sat down. I bent over to pet him. He put his muzzle next to my cheek and left it there. I guess a new neighborhood with strange herds of leaves can be frightening.

I never expected to get another dog. When we put our last dog to sleep months ago, hub and I agreed that one dog, one cat, one lizard and one fish was enough. The Inn was full.

Ten days ago, just before I tossed the newspaper into the recycling bin.....I placed the end section on the counter top and browsed through it. I never do that....there's just ads and filler. I turned the page....and there.....was a picture of Ozzie....featured dog of some animal rescue group.

I knew instantly he was going to be our dog but I thought I would test fate.

"Hey, look at this dog, it looks like Mattie except in brown."

My hub was supposed to say, "Now now, we're not looking for another dog."

Instead he said, "really?"

Hmmm....the reality-checking spouse script wasn't being followed.

So I tried again, "6 years old, affectionate, gentle, friendly and gets along with other dogs."

He was supposed to say, " Well let's be practical we agreed on a one dog rule."

"Sounds good."

Wrong wrong wrong hub. This is dangerously off the script.

So I tested fate even more by emailing the lady and asking her to describe him including any questionable habits and traits.

"He seems to be a calm happy affectionate dog with no problems. Why don't you come by and visit him?"

Since I was working that day, I threw the final test at hub. "Hey why don't you go check Ozzie out at Petsmart."

"What time?"

If hub is going to drive across town on a Saturday morning to look at a dog......you might as well buy a new box of dog biscuits....cause this is smelling like a done deal.

When I called him to ask about Ozzie, he was chuckling. "He's a great dog."

And so.....Ozzie....bypassed the new rule of the house and leaped over fate's barricades to find a place on the soft rug, the dog rug, on the outskirts of the kitchen.

And so as of 11am today....the new rule of the house is: two dogs, one cat, one lizard, one fish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me and Mike.....

Boa Constrictors, deranged costume characters and now Mike Huckabee.....being the pr manager in a bookstore is never dull....exhuasting....totally exhuasting....but never dull.

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Catholic Girl Syndrome or I can't work unless I'm wearing a skirt.

I have only a few minutes....

.

but I knew if I didn't come home and change into a skirt my big event tonight would be doomed.

.

I have an author/politician coming to the store and we're expecting a huge crowd...,,hundreds of people.

.

I thought I could break the jinx and wear pants to work....and I left this morning wearing a nice pair of dressy pants....but as the hours ticked by....I started to panic....could I pull this off without stockings and a skirt?

.

Obviously this is not a 10 nickel day and one to take lots of risks.

.

Too many people...too big a production company....and I'm sure the TV crews will visit.

.

In pants....I could trip over a cord.....lose books.....agitate customers....but in a skirt with silky stockings and a little swish to my body as I walk down the power aisle....all will be well....

.

All those years of wearing uniforms in catholic school have imprinted on me....skirts just above the knees....shoes cute but practical.....looks like I still can't get down to business without the same outfit on.

.

Sister's' Marys....pray for your wayward girl here....Amen

.

~~~~~

A Message from Cleopatra

Cleopatra keeps nagging me.

She was a slot machine in Vegas.

My hotel room came with a complimentary beverage and a few free bucks at a slot machine.

I drank the wine....and then registered to use my Vegas bucks.

Only a few slot machines would accept these particular Vegas bucks......so I wandered around the casino trying to pick up a good luck vibe.....felt nothing.....and plunked myself down in front of Cleopatra.

After all, this wasn't serious gambling....but a few free minutes of fun.

Hub joined me and I could hear his Mensa neurons snapping because he couldn't figure out the strange patterns which equaled a win.

Cleopatra seemed to defy logic.

So I started to play my nickels....you could play between 1-10 nickels at a spin.

The more nickels you risked.....the more your chances ....but of course the more you would lose each play.

I played my nickels very Gina-like......I wouldn't bet 1 or 2 nickels.....and I certainly wouldn't bet 9-10.....I would hit the 6-7 range.... then go wild with a single 8 nickel spin even a rare 10 nickel spin.... then return to my above average yet comfortable risk zone.

A zig zag light suddenly flashed on the screen.....and I earned a couple complimentary spins and viola..... I won ...$20.00

Respectable.......not spectacular......but enough of an enticement to keep me pressing the nickel at button on the machine.....at least until my Vegas bucks were used up.

Because I wasn't sure what I was doing....or how the lines were paying off.....I did something odd for me.......even though I consciously knew I would lose more and my bucks might be used up quickly....I started betting 9-10 nickels.

It was uncomfortable....I wanted to return to at least my 7 range...but I kept, for some reason, pushing myself....pressing the 10 button....risking it all.....50 cents a spin!!!

And just like before .....some mysterious zig zag..... earned a couple complimentary spins.

But the catch was......

your winnings on the complimentary spin were determined by the amount you were betting......so at 6 nickels a spin....you might win 20.00 dollars.....

but at 9-10 nickels a spin......the winnings skyrocketed....

I took my complimentary spin and won $100.00.

I was shocked....not just because I won something...but because I realized (on this small level) big risks can pay off.

If I had stayed the Gina-course I would have won 20.00.....but by pushing myself....I quadrupled my rewards.

This is nutty....

but I keep thinking I stumbled upon a life lesson here.....one of those inadvertent things...

So is the way to win big in life....based upon how much a leap....a risk you are willing to take?

if you do things very conservatively.....you win....solidly...

if you take above average risk.......you win....sufficiently....

but if you make yourself uncomfortable....if you go beyond what you normally would do.....

is that when life lets you cash in?

Is that when you find the great job.....or adventure....or the relationship of a lifetime?

If you go beyond your comfort zone....force yourself into a new place....is that when you find something spectacular?

If you bet 2 nickels....you would never get there.....if you bet 7 nickels...you could on occasion get there.....but if you bet 10....you could hit the jackpot more often.....

I can't stop thinking about it.....

I'm wondering if I've lived a 6-7 nickel life?????




~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But what if she turns sideways?

Life in a Bookstore....

Costume characters can be unpredictable.

A Booth of my Own......

I checked the time and groaned.

I had 3 more hours to be perky, peppy and pleasant.

I was exhausted.

It takes an enormous amount of energy to be nice for hours at a convention and say things in a fresh voice.

"Hey ...you need some chocolate?" asks the professor in the next booth. He lures people to his exhibit--decreasing the drop out rate---- with pieces of chocolate.

"How many have I eaten?"

"Only two."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"How about a sweet treat?" He says seductively to some ladies as they near his booth.

While they pick through the chocolates in the glass bowl, he offers them his brochure....he's trying to coax them onto a university website where years of research are summarized in a friendly format to help educators find the right program to help kids from dropping out of school...it's important stuff to him....and yet he offers it to the teachers without being heavy handed.

They walk away munching their chocolate bars.

"Will they read it? "

He shrugs. "If one or two read it or remember it....a few extra kids will make it. "

He says this matter-of-fact.... as if he would accept just a few saves...but I sense the passion and knowledge all bundled up inside him.

He probably wishes he could grab each teacher and shout...."For god's sake woman ...get your principal to check out this website and do something!"

"How about a sweet treat?" he asks for 1000th time.....and while the teacher searches the bowl...he readies his pamphlet...cans his passion.....and suggests his website.

And me? I slip into Gina-May-I-Help-You mode and teach a hundred small things about how teachers can use our store. I'm glad its not total bullshit.

An attractive man in a casual but pressed shirt says hello and asks me about my corporation ...and how the economy is affecting the store.

Happy for new questions....I chat the man up.....blending this and that statistic and offering what I thought was a coherent guess on the economy. He asks if he can sit down....outside the booth on the chair.

"Of course of course"......

It's a little quiet now because the continuing education sessions have started.

"I like your shoes."

I 'm so startled by his remark....I look down to see what I have on my feet.

Black mules...of modest heel with an open back.

"What school district are you from?"

"Oh I'm not a teacher..... I build churches. I'm staying at the hotel next door and I was walking through the hall and thought you looked like an interesting and attractive woman."

I blushed from my mules to my ear lobes.

Good god, I've been chatting up this man like he was a school superintendent or something and he just a guy that straggled in off the street.

"My mother would like those shoes."

Oh ho.....(Gina's alarm is going off...he's in his mid forties with salt and pepper hair....no ring and he's talking about his mother.)

"Where did you get them? She has bunions."

My mental alarm is now going auuuuuwoooogaah.

I write down the name of the store and where it's located.

I try to make come-rescue-me-eyes to the professor next to me....but he misreads my intentions and offers me another piece of chocolate.

"Women just don't know how to dress like women anymore."

Oh ho.

His phone rings...he nods and takes the call.

Thank you gods of the universe.... my cell phone rings too...and I jump up and walk up the stairs and out into the lobby. Screw the booth...I'm going to hide for a while....next thing you know he'll be want to smell my feet or something.

When I return... he's gone but I'm still off my game.....Little miss information....chatting up some random guy....oh boy.....I actually consider packing up and leaving but I remember Friday is only a half day session....and since I've already been supremely caught off guard...lightening can't strike again.

~~~~

The professor and I arrive early Friday morning and agree we are dog tired.

But each time someone passes....we turn on the charm.

"I know your spiel by heart." I tell him....

"Well I'm going to work for your bookstore after this."

Church builder with a bunion-ed mother and fetish for my shoes does not return.

I am relieved.

People start packing up and I head off to the car. I've brought a pair of jeans and old shoes plus a small handcart.

I tear my stockings as I pull the hand cart out of my trunk so I decide to change clothes now. I'm in the back of the garage and there's no one around.

I slip off silky stockings... pull my skirt down....and then what the hell......I pull my top off and toss my sweatshirt on.

Not quite zipped up and re-arranged ...I look around ......and step out of the car....pantie rearrangement...bra rearrangement...zip up....clogs on....okie dokey.

But I have a weird feeling....and quickly look around.....half expecting church builder to pop up between some cars.....but there's nothing......except for a little mechanical sound.

I look up.....

and blush from my clogs to my ear lobes.

Oh well....

I wave at the security camera and grab my hand cart....

all I can say is....

I was wearing good underwear and I've had my convention baptism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesus...A Kosher Bagel....and Iceland....it's good to be dreaming again

"Jesus this is good."

.

My friend Amos sends me temple alerts when the synagogue orders the famous H & H kosher bagels from Manhattan. Loving them, I went right to the temple website and ordered some...to assure I'd receive some eating goodness ....one sumptuous everything bagel with poppy seeds and onions and one pack of plain bagels.

.

H & H bagels are wondrous. Thick... chewy.... plump and substantial ....and from New York City....how can you go wrong?

.

So for lunch.....I took my everything bagel.....loaded it with maple-glazed ham (not too kosher) and cheese (definitely not kosher) and dill pickle slices. Popped it in the microwave.... so the cheese would become warm and gooey.....and even in the dismal utilitarian setting of our bleak break room at work......I felt happy....eating the best lunch in the world accompanied by my new beverage passion....an ice cold diet Pepsi max.

.

Immediately after I finished the bagel.....I realized I wanted to go to Iceland.

.

Most of my travel history arrives like this....a sudden epiphany.... a particular country or place is waiting for me. I thought Israel was calling me (or was that the bagels messing with me)....but I knew after lunch...it was definitely Iceland.

.

Of course there is no way I can go to Iceland right now.

.

This week I'm working seven days in a row...and until December 14th.....I don't even have days marked off. A complete grueling schedule of book fairs and author appearances and even weird things thrown in like manning a booth at a convention for the next few days.... smother my calender.

.

"Iceland" is not penciled in....there's not even space for it.

.

Even if I could go in spring.....the wall.....oh THE WALL....that is my parent's situation is getting bigger and is waiting for me.

.

Just this weekend, I had to call the police in my parent's suburb to do a "well-being check" on them.

.

My mother's dementia has progressed to the point where she thinks she has paid bills...my dad is clueless and won't ask me for help....so consequently when I called to check on them....I received a strange ring tone and a message that the "phone had been temporarily disconnected." Since their neighbor hasn't been home, I sent the police to check them.

.

My dad called from a pay phone and left a message that the "phone wasn't working"....but I know ....it's because my mom didn't pay the bill which has happened several times over the last couple months......I also know when I go home for Thanksgiving....I will be scared shitless with their situation.

.

Since they won't come to me....I will have to go to them....assess...and figure out what needs to be done. It doesn't look good. But there is nothing I can do...except go....and then tackle.

.

So Iceland.... is sort of a dream.

.

But I haven't had many dreams lately especially with my work schedule and work.....and so this morning....I smiled.....my personality....my soul....everything about me....needs dreams...and I was glad to awake to feel the idea of Iceland in me.

.

Geez I can't wait to bite into a plain bagel....what exactly do those guys in New York City put in the dough?

~~~~~~~~~~~

Didn't Have to Wait too Long.....

My media blackout only lasted till 8:30pm.

I decided to work for a couple hours at my office and when I returned home....someone left the kitchen TV on....with the electoral votes racking up quickly.... there wasn't any need to close my eyes.

So I watched.

McCain gave a gracious concession speech (was that the same man that was on the campaign trail?) and then Obama gave his acceptance speech in my home town.

He seemed burdened already.....as if he was feeling the weight of the world's expectations.

I thought of the people I had met in my travels in Africa and Asia and I chuckled.

I am sure they stopped in their tracks....and thought it was some media trick...some strange hologram speaking....how could America actually vote for someone that had their exotic bloodlines?

And yet often when I looked at Obama's careful calm demeanor....I thought of Indonesia where he grew up. A man is prized in Indonesia for not showing outward anger....or exaggerated emotions....to be truly considered a gentleman in Asia...you never lose face....you would never yell or scream...or show anger or intense emotion.

People have remarked on his temperament...but I'm sure his natural abilities to remain calm....were nurtured in the Indonesian culture.

He is a man of the world...different races....and with a multi cultural background: the Aloha sense from Hawaii....the "good face" he learned in Indonesia.....the East Coast Educational Elite and finally the practical grounded Midwest man.

Like many people...I was in tears....during his acceptance speech.....but as the camera panned back and you could see the enormous crowd around him....I was afraid for him....please god let them all be sane.....and give him a chance to work....in our world...the demons are always waiting in the wings to destroy change.
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My Election Day Strategy

I'm so anxious over the election.....I decided the only way to cope is for a total media and thought black out for the rest of the day.

No computer home pages with headlines, no TV, no radio....no peeking at CNN or the NY Times online.

Nothing.

I told my family...when they announce a winner....let me know.. My nerves are frayed enough from my job without gnashing it through the next 20 hours.

So until its over..... I'm not listening...looking or talking about it for the rest of the day.
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My photos from Death Valley

What I did at work on Saturday......

A lot of strange stuff happens in a bookstore.
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