I grabbed a hand towel for modesty, held it to my breasts, and headed down the hallway towards the kid's bathroom and the supply of clean dry towels.
Midway down the hall....I stopped....there was no one home....and my little hand towel was unnecessary.
This is not the first time I've been home alone in the morning.....but it was different today.
Today....all my children are gone.
My daughter.....graduated from Ohio State and is still working and living in Ohio.
My middle son moved in with a friend last month.
The baby of the family....changed colleges and headed off last weekend.
In dealing with the death of my parents....I've been so overwhelmed by the legal matters of their estate and the emotional pain of losing both of them.....empty nest syndrome wasn't on the radar especially since my middle son has always struggled with special needs. I wasn't sure when and if my son could live independently....so his departure....was a fuzzy concept to be worked on in a couple of years.
But last month, he announced that his friend needed a roommate. The rent was affordable and the place close to his job. He's not known for moving quickly....but he was packed and ready to go in hours.
He texts us.....calls us to ask questions.....and comes over for Sunday dinner. He's proud to be on his own....and I am proud of him.
Just the other day.....I relived the poker hot memory of a California school official pointing to a trailer for mentally retarded kids and saying, "This is where Peter should start school."
I am not sure if I said, "Fuck you" or "Fuck this school system.....he's not retarded."
He tisked at me.......and he followed through by writing me up in Pete's records as a "a delusional mother who would not accept her son's disabilities."
We yanked Peter out of his school and patched together schools and services for the next 12 years.
Sometimes I wish I could find that bastard...and a whole handful of other folks and say.....look.....he's working...he's driving....he manages his checking account....he has friends....and he's a success in his own way.
And now.....the greatest sign of his success......is an empty room in our house and a chance to fashion a life.
But who knew all of this would arrive this week.... in this month of August.....on this day.......while I am ping ponging between Chicago and home....and trying to settle my parents estate......while I am jobless....and sometimes lost....and my own house looks like it was hit by an internal hurricane.
I dropped the hand towel....stepped over the dog....and headed for the bathroom and the towels........naked......in my very big ...very empty house.
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