I'm leaving for Chicago on Wednesday.
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I wish I can say I was excited and happy to go.
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I've lied to my parents and told them I'm coming up for a conference...so I'll have to be out and about for an afternoon and an evening or two..... so they won't get suspicious.
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I'm actually going up to see them.
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I'm afraid my mom is sinking into either depression or dementia....I don't know which....and my father doesn't want me to know. My dad told me a month ago....."We'll take care of ourselves."
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They are still angry at me, their only child, for not returning home after college.....I was supposed to get educated, married, produce children and live nearby. It was their dream but I couldn't deliver it.
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I encouraged my folks to move out to Arizona with all my father's co-workers a dozen years ago....but my mother didn't want to move into a community of "old people." My parents briefly considered moving down here....but my mother told me it was too "woodsy"....in comparison to Chicago......and she didn't want to live in a southern community of "old people." I asked if my dad might consider some home health care or assistance with my mom....but they don't want "strangers" in their home.
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So now they are "old people"....and their support system is thinning....and they are up north and I'm down south.
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It's an inevitable train wreck.....and there's nothing I can do to flip the switch.....to avoid the oncoming disaster.
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All I can do is assess the situation and guesstimate when the wreck will impact me.
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Some days....I swear I hear a clock ticking.
~~~~~
