What Every Girl (from certain old neighborhoods in Chicago) has in her Bedroom......

Me, Temporary Desperate Housewife, started cleaning the Master Bedroom last night.

Here's the conversation I had with hub after we moved the blanket chest at the foot of the bed.

"There's a baseball bat under the chest."

"Gee, I forgot all about it."

"Boys put it there?"

"No, I did."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Are you planning to beat someone up?"
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"No, but you never know."

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"We have a burglar alarm and two dogs."

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"I know but.........."

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"If someone breaks into the house, you're going to get out of bed, find the bat and go swinging after them?"

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"I remember my parents had a baseball bat under their bed when I was a kid... and my dad still has a mini bat under his car seat."

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"Yeah, You're like Eastern European Sopranos."

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"Well.... what if there is a fire?"

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"You're going to hit the fireman?"

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"No we could break a window and get out."

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"We could also slide open the patio door and walk onto the deck."

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Desperate Housewife picks bat up.

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Husband leaves.

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Bat is dusted and polished.

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Everyone knows.....a smart woman always has a bat near her side of the bed....just in case.

~~~

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Desperate Housewive Update.......

Well....the good news is....I finished the landscape....1/3 of an acre...58 trees and a small pond later....it looks good....and a brief cold snap nixed the chiggers and the ticks...so my body came out of the yard intact....let me clarify this...my skin came out intact....my body sort of resembled a "c".....but a few aspiriin, muscle relaxants and champagne...lengthened me out again.

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(Speaking of lengthening....oh my god....have you seen the singing Viagra commercial??? Where all those guys start jamming and singing about viagra using an Elvis song???I'll have see if I can find a clip and post it....)

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Now for the bad ....(and I'm not talking about me in heels and thigh highs)....I'm a week behind in my schedule of house repairs....and ....I'm waiting for men.

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If there is anything that drives me nuts....it's waiting for men......waiting for men to fix something...waiting for men to have time to do what needs to be done....sometimes the men folks tease me and have actually given me cards as presents which state.....I'll build this for you....work on this for you....do this for you ....RIGHT NOW!!

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Right now......I'm waiting on 4 men.........2 construction guys.....1 appliance repair man....and 1 heating repair man and I'm sure when I call the media/tv guy to look at our entertainment system....I'll be waiting on him too.

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So if you're a guy that I need something from.....don't be afraid to join my preferred "waiting on you" list...because I love sitting home and waiting....waiting from 8am-12pm or perhaps you want me to hold the 1-5pm time slot? or the interesting 11-2pm spot (you're really going to bypass lunch?)

Feel like splurgin?....tell me it will be some time on Tuesday ....so I'll wait the whole day for you....or better yet....say Tuesday or Wednesday....so I can wait two days for you!! Feel cruel??....Then say sometime next week....cause I like waiting for 5 days more than you can ever imagine.....

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Which reminds me....I better head off to bed....cause I have to start waiting by 8am tomorrow.....let's see how many actually show up.....

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Desperate Housewife Update

Well Catwoman was right........if you're going to be a housewife for a couple months....you might as well be a desperate housewife.....one hand on your chain saw ....the other hand on your martini.

Here's how my first week went:

Officially survived being a Chigger appetizer. Painted myself with nail polish (and resisted the urge to buff)....took baths with my rubber ducky (that lucky guy) in silky oatmeal water......expect to be sweet and tasty again in a couple of days.

Discovered there's free money in doing housework! Here's today's loot.....there's a bounty of coins waiting to be discovered in drawers, under couches and in seat cushions. Can you imagine the tidy sum I'll have in two months ? I can hardly wait for tomorrow's ca-ching in the coin jar.

And here's my exciting week ahead. I begin to call contractors to work on the dry rot, start the backyard....clean the pantry.....and paint part of the laundry.

I know you're jealous.....how could anyone have so much fun!

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