Busy Bee...............

When I was in Third Grade....I decided to form a girls' club in my class called the "Busy Bees." I'm not sure why I picked the name or even the purpose of the club...but I just wanted to form a girls club where we could wear cute a costume....a yellow and black t-shirt with an antennae head band.  Every other month, my grammar school allowed you to wear regular clothes instead of a uniform.  For the start of the Busy Bee Club, a couple of girlfriends and I wore black and yellow shirts with a bouncing antennae head ban.  I don't remember exactly what happened, I do know my mother was called in and I was taken out to the schoolyard by my severe third grader teacher, a nun who always frightened me. My mother was essentially told to go home and get different clothes for me and since I was the "President" of the Busy Bees, I got scolded for dressing in costume.  I remember being both embarrassed and confused.  What did I do wrong?  What was wrong with the club or our striped t-shirts?  I'm not sure I ever figured what rule or what insurrection they thought I would start...I think my club's objective was to giggle and dress cute but the Busy Bees Girl Club was disbanded.

 I stopped in at Target this morning after an appointment... and stopped in my tracks.....there was a "Busy Bee" shirt on the rack!   Obviously, it was part of a Halloween costume, but I looked and touched and smiled at the shirt....and thought of my dangerous little girls club full of little busy bees getting on the wrong side of Sister Severe.

Now at home, I'm sorry I didn't buy that shirt....because the last three weeks of my life I have certainly been in "Busy Bee" Mode.

My bat mitzvah is 12 days away.  I actually try not to think about it because I get nervous.  I practice every day now and know I know my prayers and Torah portion but I realize that nerves and too much adrenalin could give me a brain freeze or make my lips rubbery or make me sail through the whole ceremony without a hitch. 

 I keep trying to remember that one of the outcomes could be I will do VERY WELL.  In fact, I decided to start visualizing myself doing well....seeing myself maybe fumbling a tiny bit....but overall leading the service and doing my parts competently.  I keep telling myself that competence is an option....that it's not all about slipping and falling or have a brain freeze.  I also try to remember that the 100 or so folks who will be there are all routing for me.  I know they want me to succeed and they realize how hard it is for an adult to carve out the space and time to be involved in such a ceremony.

 My bat mitzvah partner and I divided up the luncheon after the ceremony into a decorating section and food section....I was lucky and got the decorating portion.  This won't be too hard because I'm  keeping it simple....no disco balls, animal acts or show tunes.....we'll just have very pretty lanterns on half the table and the other tables will have a gigantic pot of fall mums on it.  Very simple. If I was coordinating this luncheon for someone else....I'd do a bit more....but the setting will be in a room with floor to ceiling windows and the trees in about two weeks should start showing their colors.  No need to compete with Mother Nature here....besides after a two hour ceremony....people will be hungry and thinking food not decorations.

I'm also preparing for orthopedic surgery.  Ha.  Nothing like being told you need an operation to walk better and feel better.  After thinking and thinking on it....I decided why wait?  And so about two weeks after my bat ....I will be heading for surgery and 8 weeks of down time.  I have the goal of being able to walk well and be physically active by May, since I've rented a Beach House and plan to stroll along the sand and have a great family vacation.  But since I'm Chief Operating Officer and Chief Financial Officer and Chief Organizer of our household ....there's a lot of things to get ready and organized.  It's sort of like the Government Shutdown....you can coast for a few days just fine.....things start getting iffy in a week to 10 days....and then things get real dicey if you're not in business and not prepared.  So I have a secondary list of things to do and places to go to get ready for the procedure. Fortunately, my daughter is coming home for a week and a half....and she's a great help with a good eye for detail ....so I'll have a helper in getting the decorations ready for the bat and help with a  few things around the house.

Oh...and of course, I'm on jury duty during all this too.  I got called in immediately for a murder trail involving a policeman and an unarmed teenager.  I probably would have been good for the jury pool since I was out-of-town last year when the incident happened so I never saw news coverage or the fall out from the event.  The judge had already gone through 100 potential jurors when my group got called up.  I mentioned to my husband the day before court that I was being screened for the case and he told me because of his job....he was testifying for someone in his department...that's an immediate disqualification from the jury pool.  

But I still had to sit in the court house all afternoon till it was my section's time to appear before the judge. Then the bailiff asked if there were people who couldn't serve for three weeks (the expected length of the trail) or had a valid excuse for not serving.  I walked up to the front of the court room, approached the bench and the judge asked my name.  When I told him, he said, "Oh no no no, your husband will be testifying and you can't serve."  My name was immediately crossed off and the next day in the news paper when they identified reasons people were excluded....it said something like....the wife of XXXX was excused as XX will be testifying.   I was only a little pissed because they didn't list my name ...just listed me as "the wife of XXX."  lol.  Well, thanks heavens cause I wouldn't be insane if I was in court every day for 8 hours during this time frame......but I still have to call in each week....and still have to bite my nails as to whether or not....if I'll have to spend a day or two at the courthouse each week.  So far so good.  But each Wednesday morning, I bolt upright in bed and wonder what will happen.....will I hear the wonderful words, " No jury trial this week"....or....."Please arrive by 10am Thursday morning." 

And so my life buzzes on here.....Busy Bee supreme....even without a costume.  

Really.....

Oh Yeah.....

Euro Dance Music......

Dang.....I don't know how it happened...but I love some of this stuff.


http://youtu.be/oiKj0Z_Xnjc

Fancy Pants' Big Texas Adventure

 My husband had her in his arms and down the stairs before she knew something was up.  I was  stationed in the driveway with the car door open, the dog kennel facing out and my hand ready to slap the door closed and lock it.

Fancy Pants was going on a big adventure to Texas, specifically to Texas A & M Feline clinic.  

We've had Fancy Pants for three years.  She is one sweet kitty....to us.  We saw her cruising around our neighborhood as a stray, an odd stray, because she is long-haired Manx, a rather expensive pedigree cat. As the summer progressed, she got thinner and thinner and despite her fears she started coming up to us for water and food.  

When my youngest son came home one night and said he saw a fox with a cat in his mouth, we were nervous that Fancy Pants would be next. Once there's a fox or coyote loose in the neighborhood (we live near a golf course and the woods), outside kitties disappear as tasty treats.  So it was decision time.  We decided to try and catch her in a crate with some cat food as bait.  It worked, but I was concerned she was wild....she often hissed and tried to nip at us when she was outside...would she be a hellcat  inside the house?  

I decided to isolate her in my bathroom to see what would happen. My son and I removed the breakables from the counter....cleared the floor off and set the crate down.  I opened the door and we stepped back.  Fancy Pants immediately laid down on the cool bathroom floor tile, started purring and looked up as if to say, "What took you so long?"

Because of her lack of food while a stray,  her platelets and some of her vitals were off but with care and love she fluffed up and out.  She also took over the entire second floor of our house....no other cat or dog was allowed to stray into her territory.  She adopted us and this section of the house and the Diva of the second floor was established.

A year ago, she had an infection or two and for the last 6 months was running into some urinary problems....her bladder was full and she couldn't expel her urine adequately.  Our local vet, who is a great doctor, did all he could but her abdomen and bladder needed to be scanned and because she was a Manx, a breed prone to congenital neural and urinary problems, she needed to be seen by a feline specialist.  Our state doesn't have a certified feline specialist nor a specialty clinic so our options included heading up north to Ohio, Indiana or south to New Orleans or Florida  or west to Texas.  We choose Texas because of the reputation of the clinic and specialists there.  Some folks we know were shaking their heads and asking,  "You're going to take a cat all the way to Texas for care?"  But to me it was cost and time efficient decision. I could wander around my state going to vets who may be known for having more experience with cats and try to get a diagnosis or help or I could make one trip to a teaching hospital and clinic and get a diagnosis and plan.  It made sense to me to get this over in one shot.

So off we went to Texas.  I knew she hated being in the crate and in the car when I took her to the local vet--she would howl/meow at an audio decibel equivalent to a fire truck.  But I assumed on our road trip, she would eventually settle down...after all how long can a cat meow/howl?  

Well, after 2.5 hours of howling without any stop in the car....either she or we needed to be sedated and since she can't drive, the sedative went down her little throat not ours.  After a few minutes, she was rather dazed but stubbornly kept softly meowing about every two minutes.  She did this all the way to College Station, Texas--a little town taken over by 45,000 students in the middle of cattle and sheep grazing land. 

The long drive took much longer than we expected because the interstates don't run directly from our city to College Station, hence we traveled a lot of 4 lane and sometimes 2 lane highways to get there.  The hotel website said small pets were acceptable but I still created a cover for her smaller kennel which we could put over her when traversing the lobby.  I didn't want to find out the internet info was wrong.  Fortunately, we put her and our luggage on a cart and she didn't make a sound as we went through the busy lobby.

Once out of the cage she was like, "Where the hell am I?"  She stopped meowing and spent the next hour scrutinizing every inch of the room.

After she settled down, we put her in the cool bathroom with food and a litter box and went out for dinner and a break away from her. Even though she had calmed down, I was left-over nervous from the car ride and now I was getting anxious about the clinic.  My vet had warned me there was a possibility there wasn't anything that could be done for her....which would mean we might have to put her down...not immediately but if things progressed.

The next day we arrived at the clinic with out little patient. There was a whole lobby of dogs and cats.  The secretary had told me that it was common to bring pets from out-of-state and sometimes they even had international clients. Because it was a teaching hospital, we were warned the process would move efficiently but slowly. 

 We  had to give her history to three vet students who finally returned with the attending vet who would eventually consult with the feline neurologist and other feline specialists.  We were sent on our way and told we could expect a call when they were finished. 

 Although we found some interesting shops and a nice restaurant for lunch...I was nervous. I feared there would be no hope.

They didn't call us till 6pm.  By then I was a wreck, although I tried not to show it. We went back to the clinic and I could tell right away it wasn't good good news.  The attending and the students looked a bit grim.  They outlined their findings and the result of the scan.  In essence, she has congenital problems...which have caught up to her.  Usually, these problems are seen right away in kittens and sometimes, depending upon the severity of the symptoms, the kittens are euthanized.  Fancy Pants apparently has a milder case of Manx syndrome and has been healthy for the first three years of her life which is very unusual.   They did offer us some hope, there's a medication she can take three times a day that could help her.  

Three times a day though...yikes...that's a lot of diligence...but the amount of medication to give orally is fortunately very small.  I couldn't help it....I started getting teary-eyed and I could see the faculty and students felt bad too. It's always a nice scenario to bring a pet from far away and have the experts discover and cure the animal. To give out iffy news....is disappointing for them and us as receivers of the news.  They promised a full report and follow up to be sent to our Vet in a few days and wished us luck.

We took Fancy Pants back to the hotel.  Everyone was tired....Fancy Pants was still getting over the sedation they gave to her for her CT scan and walking funny because her entire abdominal wall had been shaved and she was missing at least 5 inches of hair. 

We left early in the morning for home....stopping at a famous kolache and sausage shack out side of College Station before getting on to the freeway and 4 lanes for the long trip home.  We stopped at a few antique stores but since it was a thousand degrees outside...one of us had to stay in the car with the air con running while the other person looked inside....so it wasn't a causal look at stores but more of a hurried look into some interesting places.

Fancy Pants is now back home and on her new medicine regimen.  We probably won't know for a least three weeks whether or not the med is working well and what the next step might be.  

For now, she is cute as hell....and back to her old routine.  The Diva has returned.  She stretches out and watches the world from our screened porch off our bedroom and then lounges in a laundry basket which she has taken over for naps.

When we arrive to sleep...she watches over us and waits for my husband to stir. As soon as his alarm goes off she springs on the bed and dives in under his hand for a scratchy....then she stakes a spot next to my pillow and positions herself somewhere next to my head so she can be there when I wake up.  She doesn't seem to care whether she is right side up or upside down....just as long as she gets to be there. 

So True.....

And now ....a little something extra....JURY DUTY

When I saw the letter, I thought it was a mistake.

Jury Duty?  ME?   NOW?

I read the summons at least 6 times before I decided it was legitimate, it was for me, and it begins September to December.

All kind of bad scenarios popped into my head.....What if they sequester me before my Bat Mitzvah and I can't practice? What if I'm serving jury duty when my family comes in?  What if I'm involved in a long case ...day after day?

I read the reasons you could write to the judge and none of them included my worries.

So....I headed off to Jury Orientation.  Maybe it was a good omen, because I got a parking spot right in front of the courthouse down town and I even had enough change for the meter.

I've never ever been on Jury Duty....so I wasn't sure what to expect or even where to go.  I immediately teamed up with an older woman who had the same summons in her hand.  "Don't worry honey," she wheezed (she was very obese and unsteady on her feet), "we just go upstairs and sit in the courtroom today for orientation."

I have never been in our city's courthouse.  It has modern guts and old marble and wood bones.  It was comforting in the way old buildings can make you feel continuity in a community.  I handed in part of my summons to a woman so bored with her work, you almost felt sorry for bothering her.  Then, I followed a line of people into the courtroom.

The bailiff directed me to a row of seats.  When I hit the row, I paused, these are court seats??  It looked like row after row of seats had been pulled out of an high school auditorium.  I slid down the narrow aisle and took my place next to a young man.  He and the man next to him were complaining about the seats too.  They were wooden, narrow, and without a cushion.  We shrugged, perhaps the court system didn't really want people to be watching the trail for a long time because I'm sure after an hour in these chairs you'd be screaming out for mercy.

The room filled.  I was shocked the the whole courtroom filled up.  The bailiff, a rather handsome man, in a snug suit, started his spiel.  He was funny and repeated things at least 5 times.

"On Wednesdays, you will call the number at the top of the neon green sheet and hear a message from me. I will tell you if you are needed the next day for a trail."

"Does everyone understand that?"

"So on Wednesdays, you will call the number at the top of the neon green sheet and hear a message from me telling you whether or not you are needed for a trail the next day."

He changed the words just slightly but kept on repeating.

"Son on Wednesdays, you call in, use the number at the top of the green sheet and listen to a message from me telling you whether or not you are needed for a  trail the next day."

After the 5th time, I got it.  There was not way I was going to forget that on Wednesdays I needed to call in and see if I was needed for a trail the next day.

He gave other important instructions including one he said with an absolute deadpan place.  " You can ask me questions before or after a trail but do not ask me questions when I am escorting a man or woman in an orange suit with handcuffs."

"Again, don't ask me questions while I'm walking a man or woman down the hall in handcuffs and an orange suit."

"So you understand, don't stop and talk to me when I'm walking down the hall with a man or woman in an orange suit and handcuffs."

Okay, I will not ask questions when you're walking anyone around in handcuffs.

He must us laugh several times, telling us how lucky we were that the judge for this particular court was on vacation because his welcome speeches to potential jurors was known for it's length.

As he talked about some other details, I scanned the room.  Whatever computer program they had that picked juries was good, real good.  There was an amazing cross section of people from my city: old, young, black, white, oriental, students, businessmen, moms, professionally-dressed folks, t-shirts and jeans men and women.  For some reason, the diversity made me feel good.  Everyone was laughing at the same jokes and the crowd in general seemed to be in a pretty good mood.  The bailiff stressed how few days you really had to work in the next four months (no more than 10 days and you would be exempt for the rest of the time) and not to worry about parking-simple park at any meter and get a ticket-because the court would negate it.

He allowed a few minutes for questions but encouraged folks without any longer questions and eligibility problems to stay behind after we were excused.

I laughed at the first guy who asked a question.  White-haired, obviously retired, maybe late 60's, ironed shirt and looking like a very conservative guy.  "I have a question," he shouted.  "Will you ever call us? And if you do, what will it say on phone?  Because I have caller ID and I don't answer the phone, unless I know who it is and I'm not going to talk to you unless you tell me what your ID is."

Everyone chuckled.  It was so stereotypical this conservative looking guy sounding a bit paranoid and under no circumstances was he going to answer his phone unless you told him your handle because damn you could be a telemarketer.

The Bailiff chucked too.  " We NEVER call you."

By the end of the session, I wasn't as anxious as when I came in.  Unlike Court TV, most cases were over in a couple days, and the month long sequestration-type of case was more common on TV than in my city.

So I scheduled alerts on my computer and phone starting in September to remind myself to call in, because on Wednesdays I have to call the number at the top of the neon green sheet and see if the bailiff says he needs me the next day.

I repeat, on Wednesdays I will call the number.........

Two Months!!

OH MY GOSH.....I woke up this morning and looked at the calender and my heart jumped right up into my throat.....my bat mitzvah is in TWO months!!!.    My friend and I have been studying for TWO years and now all of a sudden it's here.  

I know I am mostly ready but I get very anxious.  If the ceremony was in English (it's only half in English) it would be easy but even though I have been studying the prayers and my Torah portion in Hebrew for so long....when I get nervous....all of my Hebrew evaporates...just like that....poof!!!  

I can look down at the scroll or the prayer book and say to myself, "Who put those squiggles down on the paper?"  And Hebrew, like all Semitic languages, doesn't give you a lot of clues....if you look down at a French word....well you might be able to sound it out....but Hebrew...Arabic....it's just lines...beautiful lines...but there's not a hint lying in there.... on the rare occasion a letter MAY look similar to your familiar alphabet....but that's rare.  And when you read the Torah...all the vowels in the words are removed.  So if even if you have mastered some Hebrew when you read from the scroll you are reading words without vowels.  It's like reading a foreign text message...you have to be familiar enough with your portion that your brain can insert the right vowels into the right word even if you don't see it.  Yikes!

I'm starting daily practice as of today and I have to post-it note my prayer book/siddur to open up to the right passages.   In essence when you have a bar or bat mitzvah (bar for boy; bat for girl) you are conducting the service and reading the Torah portion so there's more to do than just read off the scroll....your coordinating the whole service.  I'm glad I have a partner because we've split our responsibilities so I'm only conducting half the service.  Sometimes I wish there were a few more people with us!  But half is good....I do the first half of the service so if I get through that....I can sit in my chair and relax....sort of....lol.

Tomorrow...I decide on my dresses (one for the Friday service which we have small responsibilities for) and one for Saturday.  I purchased a couple dresses online and they have been sitting in their boxes for a couple of weeks...I just wasn't ready to look at them and decide....now I have to be ready. Dang...I just realized I need shoes too...lol.  Okay...tomorrow I try things on and get my outfit down so I don't have to worry.  Best make a checklist tonight....no surprises for this event!

So we built a wall, restored windows and put landscaping in our on Vacation......

 Before.....

 During.....

 

Wall up on both sides.....left side done.

 

My daughter and son-in-law live in Ohio.....young...both working.  We helped them buy a cute cute little bungalow as their wedding present.  The wedding was small-the money saved went towards the purchase of the house.

The bungalow is about 60 years old....and had been owned by one couple. Although the house was painted inside before they purchased it.....remnants of sunny yellow and pink walls remain.  The bathroom tile and tub remains a deep pink....the kitchen counter top a rather funky speckled pink and tan.  The landscape hasn't been touched in years....the yews in the front of the house are as old as the house....and some of the wood around the windows inside and out needs to be replaced.   It's really in good shape for a home that age...but obviously was not updated by the previous owner.  It's in a great neighborhood and they bought the house during the recession so paid less than the appraisal for it.

So the house needs updating....it functions perfectly fine....but as you can image a pink pink bathroom or spotty landscaping needs to be addressed.  Since my hub and I have owned numerous homes in our life traveling around for work and education, we are pretty handy folks.  So each time we visit them.....we help them do a little work....a project or two.

Last time when we visited, we paid for a landscaper to make a plan for their yard.  No use spending money on plants or guessing what grows where especially since neither of them knows anything about gardening.  One of the crucial details for the remodeling of the outdoor landscape was the placement of a garden wall to stabilize the slope in front of their house and provide a planting bed for "easy" to grow plants.  

So I said to my handy husband, "Oh I bet you could be that wall....you're so good at things like that....how hard can it be?  Besides I know they won't ever be able to afford putting in a wall for a while....if you did it....why we can help put in part of their landscaping."

To my surprise, my husband nodded.  I must be really convincing at times.....so on this visit to Ohio......my hub watched You Tube videos on wall building, read DYI on walls etc etc.  Being Mr. Math, he calculated the amount of stone....brought a few tools....and off we went.

Three tons of stone arrived the day after we got to Ohio.  It wasn't a very big pile....but the stones...whoa....each of them weighted about 80 or more pounds.  The crucial....absolutely....crucial point of any stone building projects is the first layer or rock....it has to be level...absolutely level or everything above is off ...forever.  Even I knew this point, after having watched enough History Channels specials on ancient architecture.  Those pyramids  would not be standing yet if the base was askew.

So the stones arrive....my husband digs a small trench and the leveling begins.  Perhaps there is an easy way to level....but my hub certainly didn't find it.  The first stone on the slope...the key stone in the corner that everything else would be angled out from took him two hours to set.  Two hours to get it perfectly level....and to the correct depth because of the slope....and angled just right because of the driveway.  I was worried...we would only be here a week and at this rate.....things did not look good.  It happened to be a really hot and sunny day...so we set a patio umbrella up in a stand near hand and my daughter went out to help him.  They groaned each time a rock had to be moved because of the weight.  By the end of the day ....my hub had only about 6 stones placed on the base....and was a wreck....dripping with sweat...sunburned....and with a wild look of a man who was a little challenged by a project that may have been a bit over his head.  I suggested we call the landscape company to finish it....his eyes blazed....."No"....geez....now his ego and manliness was involved.

The next day he and my daughter carefully placed more stones.  I was inside....restoring some of original wooden windows ...sanding...staining...and polyurethaning.  Slowly....little by little....the stones were placed and then I heard some shouts of joy as the first layer was absolutely stone mason level.  The rest of the wall was easy in comparison although not exactly quick work.  Stones had to be assessed for size and fit and color. Wall cracks had to be staggered.  They'd ask me to come out and assess the wall for aesthetic purposes.  I was booed....when I told them they had placed too many large stones together and had to add more stone length variety...and hence take apart a section.

4 days into the project the wall on the picture left side of the house was completed.  We shoveled a tone of dirt in....and with landscape plan in hand.....bought the plants needed to complete one section of landscaping.  Then my hub started on the other side of the house.  Because of the slope, and his recent experience, he finished the other side of the wall with my daughter in one day.  But we called it quits at that point.....our visit was ending....everyone was pooped and so the other half of the planting and yew chain-sawing will have to wait till our next visit.

We actually got to spend a day...vacationing....looking at antique shops in town and enjoying some meals out.  We marveled at all we had accomplished when we waved good-bye to the kids.  My hub did such a good job calculating that there was only one stone...about 18 inches long left over.   Out of three tons of stones....one was left.  Damn.....we need our own HGTV show!

 

If you have a cat....you totally understand these pics.

Back Swimming.....

Phew.

It's taken a whole month to calm down.

I finally resigned from the non-profit board which was zapping my spirits and making me crazy.

 I decided on a date and wrote an email to the President of the Board.  It was short and sweet and non-evil.  I simply said I needed to focus on some things in my life and hoped some day to be of service again. Despite my desire to leave, I held on to the email for three days before I sent it.  Weighing the language, trying to make sure it was neutral, trying to make sure it was what I wanted to do.  No matter how crazy I was getting.....the fact is....I cared about the organization...so it was hard to leave.

After I sent the email, it only took about 8 hours to feel relieved and begin to forget all the stress and strain my board job entailed.  Two days out....and I could feel the stress melt off.....a week out and I forgot how every other minute of my day seemed to revolve around the organization.

Doubts vanished.  It was the absolute best thing to do....now I'm concentrating on feeling better and studying.  A few folks even complemented me in my studies, noting that since I left, I've been more focused and getting better at my assignments.  Hooray!

Now I just have to get walking again....but that's another story.

Hail Colonel Meow!

 

Truly he must be plotting to take over the world!

Kraft Zesty Salad Dressing

LOL>>>> unfortunately I've been using olive oil and flavored vinegar for a salad dressing the last few months....otherwise I would consider this Zesty thing....especially if he delivered it!

Swan Dive

I took a swan dive and changed my life.  I had to stand on the platform a long time though before I took the leap.

I resigned from the non-profit organization I belonged to yesterday.  I resigned politely and emphasized a health issue I have to take care of and my Bat Mitzvah studies which were lagging behind.  I can't decide this morning if I was a coward or a smart cookie for not also adding....that the behavior of some board members was also a factor.  It's probably best not to go there....not to burn my bridges.  That's the golden rule of life: nothing is certain but change.....so who knows...maybe down the road things will get better, people will leave....time and events will change the organization.

I am trying to believe I've made a mature decision....I've always been a fighter....maybe a dozen years ago I would never have even considered leaving the situation.  I would have fought the battle....stayed in the fold.....stuck it out to the end.  But I don't want to live with constant stress.
My health....my mangled vertebra...needs exercise and attention and a whole program to get back in the groove.  And why as an adult, go through the exhilarating studies of being a student, only to cram and punt things to the last minute?

The need for belonging runs deep in me.  My parents are gone....my "auntie," a second mother to me is gone, and I am still considered a transplant in my southern state although I have been here for 15 years.  So removing myself from a community, even a troubling one is hard.  When I joined the Jewish community, I wanted to volunteer and contribute to the philanthropic ideals that are an integral part of being Jewish.  I just didn't know how tough some segments of the community are......maybe I picked the wrong segment....maybe I just need to look around and try something different.  Or...lol...maybe I just need to mellow out.

So I've done my little exercises to stretch my back for the morning, I'll take a walk when it gets cooler outside....I've already read a chapter of Genesis and I'm going to correspond to two people I haven't talked to in a while after lunch.  On Day One....dropping into the pool doesn't feel so bad.  Ha!   That's right....the neighborhood pool is now open.....perfect....time for a real swan dive this afternoon.

Two Pics I like.....

 I stood on the very same spot as the Pres did about a year ago.  It's amazing....you feel like you're either in a movie or slipped into a National Geographic centerfold.  Petra, Jordan, "The Sanctuary"

 

When the evening news showed pics of the new George Bush the Younger library opening, I pointed at the TV and said to my hub, "Is George Bush Senior wearing pink socks."  He said, "Of course not." But then I saw this great pic in some newspaper and yes indeed, he was wearing pink socks.  Hooray for you Mr. President.  Hooray for men who wear pink socks.

The rock actually moved.....

I saw this picture and laughed....that's how I feel today....but I can actually say the rock moved a few inches in the right direction.

 It's been about a month since I last blogged.... I couldn't sit down and write about all the trouble I was going through with my non profit cohorts and our wobbly organization.   Sometimes when you're so busy and stressed, sitting down to rehash things makes you feel worse.  So when my day ended, it just ended. I didn't want to think about what happened or muse on what was on the agenda.

After this very tense month, I'm pleased to say next week will be quiet. Some folks are out of town and we won't hold any meetings.  In addition, we've crossed lots of things off our to-do list as an organization so we actually can catch our breath. 

 I'm ready for this break.  I've had too many sleepless nights steeped in adrenalin from writing late night emails....and whole chunks of time when I felt like a zombie trying to make my way through my regular life because I was so preoccupied about the organization.


Being in a leadership role this month has been uncomfortable for me.  I'm rusty at being a leader and handling politics. The situation is further complicated because I'm chair of a committee and not the person to implement decisions, technically the president of the board is, but she has completely checked herself out of decision-making even though she has two months left to serve. She rarely answers my email or texts, doesn't give me feedback, and leaves me in limbo. Consequently, I'm in this weird situation where I'm not in charge yet need things implemented and the  President won't make any decisions.  If I make a decision, people grumble that I'm "taking over." If I don't make a decision or don't make it quickly, people snap "just decide already" and grumble I'm not taking charge.  It's a weird see-saw....taking action....not taking action....trying to work through her....ignoring her.

  To this cheery leadership dilemma, add strong personalities, politics and organizational problems.  One day I was so fed up....I j wanted to walk out on the whole thing...the whole organization.  I mentally swore at everybody and everything.  I was so mad....I just sat down and attacked my to-do list so I could send in my resignation by midnight.  I spent the whole day sending out a blizzard of emails and tidying things up.  By midnight, a few people started replying and saying things like, "oh that was the right thing to do" or "oh that was a good idea."  Midnight came....and I had done so much....I thought I would stay another day...which was a week ago. LOL

Perhaps we've already gone through the worse part of our transition in this organization....I've purposely taken myself off some sub-committees so I am not everywhere and doing everything.  I've assigned myself two solo writing projects while putting other people in charge...maybe that will help cool things down for me.
  
Today, I treated myself for two months of hard work by pulling out a lawn chair and setting it up in the driveway....I just sat there....in the dappled sunlight with a cool breeze blowing for at least two hours.  I didn't think about the organization, the cranky people, the problems or the accomplishments.  I just sat....and watched the clouds go by while I sipped my ice tea.  Man, that felt good....

Tonight...I have to pay some bills....and catch up on a few correspondences.  My hub and I have already tidied up our master bedroom which always makes me feel better. Tomorrow the boys will help me tidy up downstairs so at least the house doesn't look like a bomb hit it.  Since it's Mother's Day, I'm not going to be afraid to ask for some honey-do projects to be completed-hanging a picture, spreading some mulch, moving some bags of dirt into a less conspicuous spot on the driveway.   I think the last cold front has passed through...so I'll plant my tomatoes in their big clay pots tomorrow.  I'm going to nix thinking about my non-profit organization.  I'm just going to do some small stuff, plant some flowers and watch my men folk tackle a nice dinner for me.

Whew.

Ouch

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 Why you shouldn't get a cat.

A little bit mangled

 I am feeling mangled today.

Later this evening I will call a woman, who is running the nominating committee of the non-profit organization I'm working with ....to tell her I'm not going to permanently accept the 6 year path for my life they have chosen for me.

Last weekend, I was told, nonchalantly, they I was nominated to be Vice President next year of this organization which of course leads to a two year Presidency plus a two year post Presidency.  "We need your skills."  

Unfortunately, I volunteered to run the Transition Team of this organization to find an interim director for the next year and now because they feel I'm doing a good job....they've decided to offer me this 6 year path.  Trouble is....I don't want it.

I woke up this morning...knowing I would have to call this woman tonight and say...."no."  I realize I'm uncomfortable saying no...(but need to)....but I also realized....this has been extremely one-sided.....no one asked me if I was even interested in the position...if I had a life and other obligations. 

We need your skill set so hence you will devote the next 6 years of your life to us.  I knew right away....I would not take on this challenge....the only thing I've been trying to decide is to whether to agree to this position for one year in order to stablize the  organization and then move off.  I would consider a one year stabilization but absolutely no more.

I am not a selfish person....I devote my time to charity and good causes and I open my wallet  to causes I believe in....but I learned from my parents' sudden death almost 4 years ago...that there are things that are not replaceable.  

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow...since I'm an only child....so much family history is just blown away.  If I don't write it down ...no one will know.  Maybe my children are only mildly interested but perhaps their children (if they have any) will be interested to know their background or perhaps one of my cousins will have a burning desire to put the pieces together of our family.  So much would be lost....and then you weigh it against an organization that wants to do good for a group of people and you say...which do I choose?  

Well...I decided to choose a path that let's me begin my family history organization after October and also keep my finger in the pot of doing good in the community. In other words...I will help this organization for a year on it's executive committee (if they accept that) in a lower level executive job but I will not let the path consume my life.  

I also feel mangled because they put this information out to several people in the organization...and now I will also be seen as "refusing" to help the organization.  I've helped...alot...already but what a very strange way to do business.  How much better the organization would be as whole if it doesn't "eat up" people...but learns to strategize.  How much better would it have been to invite me for coffee find out my needs and see if they could piece together another plan....how about you for a year then we'll see if so and so might take it...and then we'll see if.....etc etc.

This isn't a good way to run an organization....you shouldn't make helpful people feel mangled. And I'm going to have to tell this very bossy....direct....woman...that no I'm not accepting their choice for my life...and perhaps a more collaborative approach to filling positions might be considered in the future. Strong-arming folks...ignoring their needs may get you some folks who volunteer out of guilt and pressure...but it doesn't gain you a positive following.
 


 

Spring in the South: Time to air your cow out.

 What???  Is that a ......cow?

Spring has definitely arrived!