OH MY GOSH.....I woke up this morning and looked at the calender and my heart jumped right up into my throat.....my bat mitzvah is in TWO months!!!. My friend and I have been studying for TWO years and now all of a sudden it's here.
I know I am mostly ready but I get very anxious. If the ceremony was in English (it's only half in English) it would be easy but even though I have been studying the prayers and my Torah portion in Hebrew for so long....when I get nervous....all of my Hebrew evaporates...just like that....poof!!!
I can look down at the scroll or the prayer book and say to myself, "Who put those squiggles down on the paper?" And Hebrew, like all Semitic languages, doesn't give you a lot of clues....if you look down at a French word....well you might be able to sound it out....but Hebrew...Arabic....it's just lines...beautiful lines...but there's not a hint lying in there.... on the rare occasion a letter MAY look similar to your familiar alphabet....but that's rare. And when you read the Torah...all the vowels in the words are removed. So if even if you have mastered some Hebrew when you read from the scroll you are reading words without vowels. It's like reading a foreign text message...you have to be familiar enough with your portion that your brain can insert the right vowels into the right word even if you don't see it. Yikes!
I'm starting daily practice as of today and I have to post-it note my prayer book/siddur to open up to the right passages. In essence when you have a bar or bat mitzvah (bar for boy; bat for girl) you are conducting the service and reading the Torah portion so there's more to do than just read off the scroll....your coordinating the whole service. I'm glad I have a partner because we've split our responsibilities so I'm only conducting half the service. Sometimes I wish there were a few more people with us! But half is good....I do the first half of the service so if I get through that....I can sit in my chair and relax....sort of....lol.
Tomorrow...I decide on my dresses (one for the Friday service which we have small responsibilities for) and one for Saturday. I purchased a couple dresses online and they have been sitting in their boxes for a couple of weeks...I just wasn't ready to look at them and decide....now I have to be ready. Dang...I just realized I need shoes too...lol. Okay...tomorrow I try things on and get my outfit down so I don't have to worry. Best make a checklist tonight....no surprises for this event!
