So as promised, I sat in my closet tonight to see exactly what I would think about if I had the time, a soft chair, and the inclination to sit in a closet.
The first thing that I thought about was shoes. Whew....hub needs deodorant in those things (he's not gelling; he's smelling)....then I looked at my own shoes ...mostly black....lots of walking shoes...and only a few high heels. A totally proper wardrobe of shoes ...which was...depressing. What woman wants to admits she owns mostly practical shoes? I did have a much more eclectic collection a couple months ago. It included clear plastic high heels which I never wore (it looked like I stole them from Cinderella), shiny silver flats ( what was I thinking?) and some really naughty looking spike black high heels...which sadly didn't fit anymore (I now regret I didn't save them because I think they were involved in the conception of my last child.) These fun shoes are probably sitting in a Goodwill warehouse waiting their turn to be loaded on a cargo ship headed to Africa or the Far East soon. (You did know charitable organizations sell a lot of your donated clothes which end up in Third World Countries? ) Note to self: Liven up the shoe collection.
The next thing I thought about was money. A few years ago, I decided it would be a good thing to have a hundred dollar bill around for an emergency. Of course, with the kids, I thought it would be best to keep it out-of-sight.....so they stumble upon it and go off on some Pizza hut binge. Of course you know what happened....I hid the bill so well I 've never found it. I can't remember if I stuck it in a shoe, or in a purse, or under something. Even when I cleaned my closet out, I never found it. Yet it was in there someplace. Oh well, some day some woman at a Goodwill store will open a small secret pocket in a purse or pair of pants and have a nice surprise.
Realizing I was being very superficial and would have to admit that in my blog. I tried to think of deep thoughts....something like world-peace, uranium depletion, custom motorcycles. I was staring at the carpet...when I remembered! I revised the first story I ever got published right here on the closet floor. Really. My kids were having friends over, I was nervous because the submission deadline was the next day, and the story didn't read right. So I laid on the closet floor and read it out loud, revising it as I went along. Its something I still do...(read out loud not compose on the floor.) So I can honestly say.....I came out of the closet and started my freelance writing career.
But if I'm to be totally honest.....you know what I thought about the most? Yodelling. Really. A friend of mine who is a freelance writer, sent me this phrase earlier tonight:
I have had to take up yodelling for relaxation.
That was a startling thought and sentence. Where does one "take up" yodelling and why? I googled yodelling and found myself on one of those search engine black holes. Did you know yodelling is featured in Germany pornography? (But dang, I couldn't find any.) Did you know the most popular yodellers are Tarzan, Heidi, and Julie Andrews? Yodelling is more popular in the United States than in Europe. Have I missed something....do you folks in bigger cities have ads running for yodelling schools? or yodelling conventions? or yodelling meets?
Of course, I found ...what else? Yodelling videos.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/178160/incredible_11_year_old_yodeller/
and a deeply disturbing 4 minute video with puppet clowns yodelling....I wanted to hate it...really I did....but at the 3 minute mark....I was laughing so hard....well I was almost....yodelling.
This video is rated D for disturbing and I won't be responsible for bad dreams, wet dreams, or any other negative impact this may have on a viewer.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3119238096845809676
It's time to get out of my closet.
