I was standing in line at FAO Schwartz. I had Mushi in my arms. I looked over and saw a man standing in the next line with a Teddy Bear also. A big Teddy Bear."Looks like it's a Bear day." I'm not sure why I said something to him-perhaps because he was (honest to god) tall, dark, handsome with incredible blue eyes and he seemed to be chuckling at his purchase just as I was chuckling at my purchase.
"I travel a lot for business and I buy a bear where ever I go."
"Where are you from?"
"I'm actually from The City but the last bear didn't last very long so I'm here for a replacement."
"Kids rough on your bears?"
"No my dog is......he's a 19 year old toy poodle. A rescued poodle we've had for 10 years."
I didn't say anything....because I'm mulling over the concept of a rescued toy poodle.
Do toy poodles need to be rescued???? I know about Greyhound rescue and Pit Bull rescue and Rhodesian Ridgeback rescue...but people are tossing out toy poodles? Why ?? Because they have tear-stained pink runny eyes, pee all over themselves and shake like leaves? Hardly the stuff worthy to get thrown out of the house for.....
"So you're poodle tears up the bears."
"Well....I'm embarrassed to say this..... but he tears them up.....after he.....(long pause and looks at the other customer as if he is assessing whether or not she can hear him) ..........humps them.
"What?.....you mean hump like in....well ....hump hump?"
"Yes....hump hump."
(My eyes widen as I soak this concept in... ) "So you're toy poodle humps the bears then tears them up?"
"Yes......"
"Do you have a blog....because you should be taking pictures and blogging this......logging each bear and the end results.....really.....you'd get a hundred thousand hits."
"No.....I don't blog.....it's a little embarrassing. You see he's also very ritualistic about his routine. "
"What does he do?"
"He eats his dinner then finds his bear......drags it in the center of the room.....humps it for about an hour.......till he's exhausted.....then starts tearing it apart"
"Wow....exhibitionism and aggression......it's like BDSM for toy poodles."
(There is a problem with the cash registers which is why the line is not moving and the conversation can take place......the woman behind the man.....now looks totally appalled and heads off for another register.)
"Maybe he's discovered the secret to a long life.......eat a nice dinner, hump like mad....then get a new partner."
(Mr. Handsome laughs hard clutching the soon to be violated and shredded teddy bear.)
The cash registers spring back to life.
We simultaneously hand our bears over to the clerks. I silently tell Mushi not to worry.....if he's in bed with me.....It will be a totally platonic experience.
"Hey ....you know what's really weird.....(I guess because I haven't run off....or rolled my eyes....or look appalled .....I am now his confidant).....my partner and I rescued another toy poodle about a year ago....and the old dog seems to be teaching the new dog his ritual."
"Geez ....you'llneed to buy two bears in each city."
"I know....the one from Harrod's in London cost me $80.00 to ship....this routine could get quite expensive."
(I noted his quality ostrich leather cowboy boots paired with designer jeans and a softblack lamb leather jacket....he probably could afford it.)
"What's going to happen to your bear?"
"Sedentary life....just gazing at me with his happy beady little eyes."
Mr. Handsome clutches his bear......and waves.
Mushi and I wave back.
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