Two car loads.
.
Orange, red, purple, burgundy, white, hot pink, even yellow.
Hours after my father died, I asked my husband to drive me to the hardware store.
.
I needed flowers.
.
I needed to fill all the empty clay pots surrounding my house.
.
I needed big...bold ..and bright flowers.....outrageous flowers... an army of color....a defense shield of life....against the dull ivory color of my father's face.
.
We filled up the car....driving home with plants in the trunk ...on the seats...leaves dangled over our heads.The next morning I went back for more.....wrestling a giant Bird of Paradise plant into the Subaru. The plant so big.....the leaves embraced me as I drove home.
I have tried and failed to write my father's obituary.
I have picked through only a tiny fraction of the papers I need to sort.
I have not faxed any death certificates to agencies waiting for the documentation that will officially end my parents' existence in their system.
I have not even made all the phone calls I need to make....unable to dial again....long distance cousins....and neighbors..... to tell them once again.....there's been another death.
All I have been able to do is plant flowers.....pulling withered stems out of pots....and putting fresh greens in..... slowly watering bold arrangements of orange and purple and red.......not rushing.....returning again and again to make sure all the soil is saturated....all the roots are covered....all the pellets of fertilizer are spread evenly.
And sweeping....sweeping all the debris and dust and dried leaves away from the newly planted pots.
This is all I have been able to do this week.
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