Pong.
Back home again.....after a very difficult week in Chicago
Probably the hardest week I've had.... since my parents died in April
I talked to an estate liquidator and made plans to empty their house.
Since their death.....I've been sorting and packing and hauling and giving things away
But it hasn't made a dent in the total amount of goods in their house.
The first two nights I was back in thier house ....I'd wake up disoriented and afraid.....I could feel their stuff creeping closer and closer to me......surrounding me in my small bed.....getting ready to jump and pounce and consume me for years and years.
Friends...acquaintances....neighbors....who have seen the beautiful and new and vintage things in my parents' house tell me I could make a killing on EBay....and Craig's List....."Oh just put an ad out and people will swarm for that item"......and they would.....except.....we are not talking about a few items....but thousands.....from 78 vinyl albums to plain old knives and forks.
I could sell objects for the next decade...even for the rest of my life.
For example, I found a dozen vintage straight razors....the sharp razor blades that men used in the 20's and 30's after they soaped their faces. I could save one or two...but the others.....I'd need to research the types and prices of the razors......list the razors on a website ....conduct the sales....ship them out...follow up on payments and keep an accounting for taxes.
It would take hours and hours of work... it could be a source of pleasure to distribute them.....and of course I would generate income.....but the problem is.....I have a three story house full of items....from freezers to razors to hat pins.
Even if I glued myself to my computer chair and sold items continuously ....it would take years....and where do I store all of these items as I remodel and sell their house?
I paced the house for the first two nights....wondering how one person could possibly manage the accumulated goods of two people over 84 years.
And then I realized ....I couldn't manage it.....and I had to answer a basic question......what is more valuable to me?
My time/life or money?
If I sell their items slowly and conscientiously.....I could profit more....make more money on the items they have saved and collected......but it would .....literally.......take years of my life.
Time or money?
I decided my time and life was more valuable....and I really didn't like selling things.
So I called a couple people...and had a business woman come over and survey the house. Normally an estate sale may run a day ...sometimes two....she told me this was definitely a three day sale.
She was kind and reassuring woman who had lots of experience dealing with estates.......although the items would be carried off by strangers.......she reminded me they would find new homes.... with collectors who would cherish their new treasures and regular folks who would incorporate the utensils and brooms and storage bins in their life.
I knew this was the right decision.....for my parent's things as well as for me....but now...each item I touched....each glance at a painting or chair which would not go home with me.....made me cry.
I cried in the bathroom when I touched the towels....I cried in the living room when I stroked the grandfather's clock.....I cried in the basement... and in the crawl space....where my dad had stored hundreds of boxes. I'd look at the boxes....the crates....the mysterious items wrapped in tons of plastic and I would lay down on the carpet and sob.
"Dad Dad Dad....why did you save all this stuff???
Did you want me to keep it? Or can I sell it?"
"Dad....Dad.....Daddy?"
But he didn't answer me......
and all I have for guidance.....are snippets of conversations ....."Oh I'm saving this old radio 'cause someday I bet you could get a good price"
Did you mean I could sell these things ? Did you mean you were expecting this would happen....is it okay Dad to do this?
The estate woman...suggested a two month time line....she told me to check every box and recheck every closet....and ask myself keep or sell? Touch everything.....Make it an active decision so years later I won't wonder what was in that old red box or wonder if there was anything hidden in dad's closet.
So I finished some projects and decided to come home.....next week I'll take my son up for a week....and then later in the month..... I'll return to Chicago and nurse their stuff for two or three or four weeks...whatever it takes to touch and look and smile and cry at all the items my parents have used and saved in their lives.
I can't imagine walking into the house after the sale.....and seeing all their things gone.....I simply can't imagine how it will feel to know the organ is gone or the funky silver cocktail table...or the singing cowboy music box....does not exist in my life anymore as part of their life....
I simply can't imagine.....how it will feel....to open the door to their house....and find it empty.
