OMG!!!!!!
Do I run up to the table and grab it? Or do I run out the door?
It was fight (I mean grab) or flight....and I choose flight.
I zipped out the door, jumped into the car and sped away.
A stoplight later I remembered.....I asked for a donation receipt...Goodwill has my name, address and zip code.
Every time the phone rings this afternoon....I cringe waiting for the menfolks to call out, "It's for you....it's Goodwill."
My parents.....had that odd sort of jokey 1950's off-colored sense of humor.
They had a bottle opener shaped like a naked lady.....some bar glasses with classic "naughty" jokes written on them......and even a fake olive or two shaped like a breast.
I guess you could label it "bar humor"......probably because it takes a drink or two for the item to become funny.
Behind their bar......lived the infamous......Penis apron.
A stable joke in their house for eons.....it was a apron....which looked like a pair of men's shorts.....and when you tied it around your waist....a 12 inch long hot pink stuffed cotton penis popped out.
The apron was designed so the penis didn't fully appear till it was tied around you. I don't remember my mother or father wearing it....but I do remember they tried to coerce friends to wear the apron....often by suggesting they could use some help cleaning up the dishes and.... wouldn't you want to wear an apron so you won't get your clothes dirty?
I don't think the apron actually got tied around anyone....because my parents or their friends dissolved into hysterical laughter before the strings could be tied.
Besides the pink dong....there was a side attraction. A small fake pocket....lift it up and some fake fur was arranged like this: ( ) I'm sure you get the idea.
The pocket rarely got lifted because most folks were too tired from laughing to endure another gag centered around the apron.
I found the apron in a box of my parent's clothes. I balled it up....and put it off to the side....unsure of what to do with it....garbage? keepsake? maybe it could be a priceless eBay item.
Yesterday....I scooped up their clothes to bag and take to Goodwill and yep....inadvertently included the penis apron.
I glanced at the work table while a man was writing my receipt...a saggy tired gray haired man...... dumped my bag onto the table for sorting. A woman, working behind the counter, said, "I'll be right there Bob, to help ya."
That's the exact moment I noticed the green apron....bundled up with its 12 inch long penis waiting inside as a surprise.
I am sure Bob and the lady would be surprised.
Are they going to laugh? Are they going to drop down on their knees and pray for the perverted woman who donated the penis apron? Or is some vice-president of operations going to call me and politely request I refrain from leaving pornographic items?
My hub thinks they laughed.....
I am hoping they left both Jesus and their manager out of it...and simply tossed it in the garbage.
I suppose there is a remote chance that Bob or the woman thought it was so funny....he or she bundled the apron up and took it home....where it could become a tradition in some other family.
Right....that last option is pretty remote.
Still I feel a little bad the life-of-the-party ended up in the trash.....surely somewhere .......somebody........ could have loved it?
An inferior replica of my apron...which looked like a pair of men's shorts and carried a 12 inch long hot pink penis instead of a pathetic stubby.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
