The house phone rang on Monday morning and my hub's first words to me were:
"Sit Down"
My heart jumped into my throat....both our parents have died in the last three years so it was not one of those calls....but in the next nanosecond I thought....."the children!!!!"
But it wasn't one of our children.
My husband's co-worker and friend....a man in his middle 40's was found dead in his home.
I was stunned but perhaps not as stunned as my hub who had worked with him for 9 years and went out to lunch with him most days.
Having seen both my parent's die, I knew deep in my bones you can not change what happened....but you can at least be grateful for how the end is experienced.
It appeared John died quickly....he hadn't struggled with a long illness .....he was single but had family visiting so someone was there who cared about him and could convey the news appropriately to family members.....he had updated his will recently so people would know what to do and how he wanted his legacy and belongings cared for....he was good at his job and up to date on his projects so the people who relied on him for decisions wouldn't be too affected...and someone could step into his shoes and finish the necessary work he did in his life.
Of course I thought of how young he was, how he had hoped to marry one day, how many projects he had on several burners.....but the future is untouchable and the present is real....
I felt very sad after I hung up the phone.....but in the course of how death can catch you.......I also felt a small sense of relief that the crossover for John was quick and John was wise enough to make plans....
My heart went out immediately to his family who are in pain....and especially to his brother, who was visiting and was also the executor of his will.....Closing an estate is so much work....so many papers, so much to sort and touch and look through....lawyers....IRS.....documents documents and more documents....it's a gargantuan job that will probably take him many months .....especially since he lives out of state. Been there...done that....once you've walked in those shoes you will always empathize with the survivors.
Today I tackled some paperwork on beneficiaries on our stocks that I had put off put off put off....
I tackled it because John's death reminded me that one of the nicest things you can do for your loved ones ...the survivors....is to make sure things are organized and you've followed through on the gnarly details of having possessions in the modern world.....it is a small gift to your loved ones as they work through your passing.
It sounds weird but knowing what your loved one wants is a gift....I knew my mom and dad wanted to be cremated....because they told me in front of a lawyer when we were signing power of attorney papers....that was such a relief to know.....but they didn't tell where and how they wanted their ashes handled. Did they want to be buried in the same plot? Did they want their ashes mingled? Did they want their ashes here where I live or there were they had lived their lives?
I did the best I could knowing who my parents were as individuals... but sometimes I carry a small nagging doubt...did I do things right? Is this what they wanted?
If your wishes are written down....the relief would be amazing.....no guilt....no questions....you are able to do you job as a "loved one" to the best of your capabilities....in a way.... it facilitates your ability to show your love for someone because you can, in the fog of grief, make good decisions...which you don't second guess or regret.
So the envelope goes right into the mail in the morning.....and I probably should tackle another problem I haven't taken care of.....just face it ...get all those fucking papers out and read the legalese and figure out what needs to be done and then be done with it....and set myself free.
I'm not planning on exiting the world soon but modern life is complicated.....and the complications get compounded a zillion times when the original owners don't do their work.
LOL......damn .......was this supposed to be a humor blog?
