Yikes!

From .....hear me roar.....to hear me squeak.....I'm a nervous wreck tonight......

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I don't know how you change from a confident person to a wimp....but I've managed to do that in the last 24 hours.

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Perhaps it's because I discovered "the flaw" in the system I'm using for crowd control.....I know every system has a flaw.....but I just saw mine clearly tonight....which is probably a good thing because I know which bandage to pull out.....and what preventative steps I can take.......but still its unnerving.

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Seeing "the flaw" was bad enough...but then I realized one of my party stations was not going to work.....a station named ..."Color and Bite" ....where folks .....could get vampire marks applied to their necks.....and have a chance to paint their nails black....

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Well the whole damn town must of bought every bottle of black nail polish that existed....cause their are no cheap bottles left anywhere....and let's face it.....if the crowd soars into the hundreds ( and I have up to 500 reservations right now) can you really only offer a dozen bottles to hundreds of girls?????

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So all I could think of was blood.....lot o' fake blood....

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I looked up recipes....and actually "watched" recipes on u tube.......so I'm thinking a couple of gallons of fake blood might let folks....dribble blood on their vampire bites.....stream blood from their mouths....and hell .... make any and all kinds of wounds to amuse themselves....if they want.

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I don't cook....so I had to look really .....(and I mean really really) doe-eyed at my hub and ask if he would consider whipping up a couple gallons of blood tomorrow night.

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He just looked at me.

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I know I know. What else are you supposed to do when your spouse says, "Honey could you please whip me up some blood?"

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Tomorrow the last minute touches.....Friday some set up and about 100 mental walk abouts......

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damn damn.... what if I fuck up?

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48 hours till the Big Party.....

Well ...here I am....getting ready for the big party on Friday.

As you can see I'm a little testy tonight......I believe... the 500 numbered tickets I worked on by hand today.... put me over the edge.

Obviously....I need to add...."wear a bra" to my to-do list for Friday....as the wench look my raise the eyebrows of my manager.

As for the dripping wet part....well....it's over a 100 degrees down here......and there's nothing you can do but sweat....especially if you're a bit nervous.....I keep thinking what's the worse that could happen? Chaos? hundreds of teen girls getting into a cat fight? running out of vampire teeth? or something else?

It's the something else that wakes me up in the middle of the night ....what did I forget? What didn't I plan for???? and god....I still hate vampires.
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Okay something for the guy who wants to feel like he's a bee........

Okay....so I don't pee standing up....but half the world does......and 3/4 of our household think they are firemen.

Sometimes when my menfolks make me mad....because they don't aim straight....I tell them I'm going to ban them and they could just go outside and pee on a tree ..or a bush....or a flower....

okay....how about in a flower?

Viola.....a new urinal designed by a sculptor.....and guaranteed to make a man feel he's right out in the garden.....just behind a big bush or a spectacular tree....gee if you put one of those nature cds in your bathroom....with birds tweeting....menfolks might never leave......the room.

I wonder what Georgia O'Keefe would think of this?

Only for early risers....cause you know by the time the sun comes up these babies are closed tighter than drum......

Gee ...visualize a couple of guys in a men's room....all pissing on a pretty pistol......

Okay.....I'll take that back....cut that image.

The Box.......

Forget the Digital age....

......in my corporation lots of paper is still generated.....

by me (notes to self.....to do lists...) ....

by others (customers)

and especially from my corporation

who wants to keep me informed......and on track.

Yesterday I received a memo from my corporation telling me some important merchandise will arrive in ....

a plain cardboard box

but wait....

there's another page to the memo

a picture

a just in case we have hired you as a manager and you happen to be one of the clueless ones we wish we hadn't hired.

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Isn't it Ironic??

I have always been afraid of vampires.

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They make me squeamish.

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I can feel their teeth sink in my neck.....feel the ice cold of their pale pale skin against me.

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So isn't it ironic....that I have a new job....and one of my first big gigs....

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is planning a party for 400 vampire fans.

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Tonight I sat down....and started the first of my series of visualizations.

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With big events.....I pretend to run a movie clip in my head....and see what things look like....sort of an IMAX screening in my head.

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I try and see a line of people outside the store...see the hot afternoon sun on them......what will I do if they start dropping like flies??....

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I try and see the stations where we have acitivites.....I think of Sarah judging a costume costume.....see a line of teen girls up against the newsstand.......what if 100 girls show up instead of 50??

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amazingly..... if you create a movie in your head.....you can see the problems right in your own film clip....

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you see you have to break a group in half at a certain point....you realize even in a store maybe everyone should carry a cell phone to communicate with each other.....you realize you can't hand a wedding cake over to someone standing in a line of a 100 people or you may have a lot of people sharing the cake....all over themselves.

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the first draft of the game plan......

I suppose that's the fun of it.....the movie clip....fortune telling the event...and trying to solve it before the prophecy is true.

And just like a good director...the more you run the clips.....the more you see and test your solutions......and sometimes.....see other things pop up.

That's where I'm at right now.....running the beginning clips....running the first edition of the movie in my head....so I can see what it looks like....

I have 10 days till the premier.....10 days...to edit and remake.....and step back and look at it all....fortunately I have someone helping me who set the scenes for me.....and found some of the props...and understands the fans, the book and the characters....that's essential.

But is still a little too ironic.....to be planning a party to celebrate one of your fears....

.sort of like asking someone who is afraid of spiders to not only sing the"Itsy Bitsy Spider" song but have a few crawl up your arm while you finger play with the lyrics....

....just a little too ironic.

A disastrous absence of humor......

This evening I went to the Dollar store.

It looks like I'm hosting a party for 400 teen vampire girls.

So I need a gallon of black nail polish.

I'm not sure why I thought the Dollar store would have mass quantities of black nail polish...my logic went something like this.....why not?

Within 5 minutes though, the dollar store had creeped me out.

There were packets of Jolly Ranchers missing letters.....(and perhaps ingredients?)

There was a bag that said "Jumbo Combs" with a hair brush inside.....

There were funky plastic margarita glasses in the shape of cactus... that glowed a bit.... and were made in China ....and suddenly looked radioactive.

And....after all that wandering....... they didn't have black nail polish.

So I looked for Groucho Marx glasses.

A dollar store should have Grouch Marx glasses...it should be a mandatory stock item.

And it should be placed on the wall right next to the small bags of red plastic cowboys.

But there were no glasses, no whoopee cushions... ...not even plastic poop.

So I was felt this wave of despair wash over me ......right in the middle of the Dollar store.

I won't mince words.....I'm having a crisis.

Nothing is funny...anymore.

Every since I started work....I come home......humorless.

As I'm climbing the learning mountain (it's more than a learning curve) it seems every step I take towards competence.....I loose two chunks of humor.

Like skin on a lizard....funny is flaking off me.

Three weeks ago ...everything was funny.....tonight....nothing is funny.

I thought perhaps if I bought some Groucho Marx glasses and wore them while answering my email....it would be funny.

But apparently the dollar store does not serve the humor impaired......and so after a valiant search for anything that might catalyze some funniness....I left the store empty handed

I'm not sure what to do.

I tried U-tube for some funny videos....but some of the stuff they label funny is like people falling down.....fat ladies being dragged across a beach.....people running into a wall...and if you are not feeling funny......you don't go ha ha ha at their pain....you go ouch....which kills any chance of the situation turning funny.

So I clipped my toenails....which was not a funny thing to do even when I was funny....and sat down to read....but couldn't concentrate.....so I decided to write a bit on my HUMOR BLOG.....

but alas.....

I found only the blog............

.........and not the humor.
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Before Batman was Dark....or a Knight....

Well half the people I work with are standing in line right now....clutching tickets for the Batman movie......one son has tickets.....another one is looking for some.....there's gonna be some tired people at work tomorrow.

Came across this u tube clip on a co-worker's blog......way way too funny....it's the original Batman and his grooving side kick......oh you gotta watch Batman dance......LOOLLOOLLOOL>>>>>>

A taste..........

In my new job, I am a gate keeper.

It's a very small part of my job but to the people who are knocking at the gate...it's huge.

I am the corporate liaison...the community relations manager for a very large bookstore.

Writers.....all kinds of writers.....want to have a "signing" in my store.

They want to sit at a small table.....with piles of their books.......with long lines of adoring fans waiting for their pen to scratch out an autograph.....perhaps they will smile for a cell phone camera....or a newspaper photographer.

The reality is..... it takes a lot of effort and overhead to manage a signing....I have to order signs, contact newspapers and other appropriate venues, update online sites, order books, set up, remain in the store and ...of course....the goal is to actually sell books.....which is a benefit for the store that hosted the event and the author who wants to move his career forward.

Novice writers.....often believe a signing is magical. It seems to be a rite....a passage from amature to professional....a type of bar mitzvah....where a author says......today I have a signing in a bookstore...today ....I am a writer.

Unfortunately many want to sit at that table.....when their product or perhaps even their writing is not at a professional level. They want to bring books they published via Kinkos.....books they paid vanity presses lots of money to print.....and books they've printed by becoming their own small press publishers. Occasionally there are some wonderful surprises .....often the books simply don't meet publishing standards...typos...bad editing.....lack of a title on the spine.

So the first person who is their first contact on the way to the table...will be me.

Last week, I was paged to handle the first of my callers.

A pleasant woman in business casual handed me her wild colored and decorative business card. She had an unpublished children's book.....one she had printed herself.

We chatted for a few minutes and I realized she was hanging on my every word. Most of it was business.....does your book have an ISBN.....does your book have a bar code? She dutifully noted my words in her little note book.....when she stopped scribbling ....she looked up at me...and I was almost pierced with her desire...her hope to get her book out into the world.

I wish I could tell you I was so compassionate or angelic that I devoted lots of time to her...but I had calls coming in and I gave her good basic information then had to return to my office.

As I walked back.....I realized I had tasted something interesting.....

I think it was power.....

granted a small dose ...but still a droplet...... and sometimes that's all you need to understand something...... I thought of "casting couches" and bribes.....kick backs...and a thousand movies where some character is a gate keeper.....where people plead for bigger and more important things...like their life.

I sat in my black worn leather chair in the office and felt this decision point pressing on me ....a small decision point....in the scheme of life...but one of those junctures where you consciously make a decision on who you are or want to be.....

and then they paged me for another call....I choose....smiled...and said..."Hello this is Gina," and I meant it.

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10 Things I've Learned during my first 10 days at my new Job.

1) Time changes. Two weeks ago 7:15 am meant it was early morning. Now 7:15 am means I'm running late.

2) Never leave your thermos, mug, can of yummy espresso on top of your convertible while you stuff papers and folders in your car because you will arrive at work and realize that the last time you saw your thermos, mug, can of yummy espresso was on the roof of your car........ and calling your neighbor to ask if she might look for your thermos, mug, or can of espresso "somewhere on the street" is embarrassing.

3) Try and group your purse and papers and phone together near the door. Stopping three or more times in the driveway because you forgot your purse....then your papers....then your phone wastes a lot of time.

4) Cell phones do not recharge in 3 minutes...ever.

5) Write down unfamiliar names. It's embarrassing to call "corporate in New York" and confidently ask to speak to Patrick only to discover there are three Patricks in that office.

6) Always make sure your alarm clock is set for AM versus PM. Waking up wonderfully refreshed while birds sing and the sun filters through the leaves....is often a clue you have set your alarm for 5:35 PM not 5:35 AM.

7) Never bother to explain to a man why you are washing off your leg in the kitchen sink with the little chrome sprayer at 7AM. No logical explanation ...such as...I'm rinsing the BBQ sauce which splattered all over my leg when I broke the bottle in the pantry reaching for the oatmeal....will erase the odd image.

8) Eat breakfast. Always.

9) Carry an umbrella in your car because even if there isn't a single cloud within the Northern Hemisphere when you go out to meet a potential client it will rain Big Time ... Dripping is not business savvy.

10) Write down 5 things you learned every day......then when you're depressed and wonder if you will ever be confident and knowledgeable.... you can at least say you learned 5 things...and if you worked 10 days you've learned 50 things....so you are not quite an imbecile.

And yes.....learning the pass code to your voicemail...counts as one thing you've learned...of course if you could possibly memorize your voicemail number attached to that code that would be an easy second thing to learn......but be gentle on yourself and realize it's okay to come home with ink numbers written all over your hands....for now.

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Ahhhhhh......C'est Bonne.......

Sigh.......

I've been lustfully gazing at beautiful food pictures for the last half hour....thanks to Doggybloggy.

He sent me a link to two of his creations which have joined a feast of food pictures on a blog called "Tastespotting." The pictures are so gorgeous....the edibles so tempting....it's fun to see into the creative minds of chefs.

Above Doggy used day old donuts to make french toast accompanied by nectarines....and a sprinkle of powdered sugar.

It is hot and humid in the south and the air clings to you like a wet paper towel.....but I am dreaming of cool slick cucumbers and cold strawberries and violet-flavored gin tonics...mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Such a nice way to prep for bed before the work week....

if only Doggy would come over and have breakfast ready for me in the morning.
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Touching ....touching ....

Happy 4th everyone!

It's raining here....so a perfect day......to see a movie....my brain is too frazzled from my new job to even try and digest anything of substance.... so I asked the Big Guy (hub) to take me to see Wall-e.

Wow.

The story line is so strong....you forget you're watching an animated film.....and you realize after you leave....that the robots barely said more than 4 words.

Amazing.

Everything carried visually by gesture and facial features. Although there were lots of kids at the show.....in all honesty I wondered if the non-verbal language was too advanced for the wee one's....but it hits the bull's eyes for adults.

Cute. Touching....and it does what ever good love story is supposed to do.....tug at your heart ....and make it soft again.

Go Wall-e!!!





LOVE THIS SONG off the soundtrack......just downloaded it to the ipod...enjoy.



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48 hours into my new job.......

Around 3pm this afternoon, I searched my office for a garbage can or some type of bucket.

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I could feel my brain melting....and being the tidy sort....thought the least I could do was find something to collect my cortical matter.

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If you asked me my name....I'm sure I would have paused.

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Monday.....my first day at my new job....I left the building buzzed....confident I could handle everything.......today....I slinked out....leaking gray matter. It's like the learning curve suddenly turned into the learning mountain.

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When the low gas icon blinked at me in the car.... I actually sat there staring at the orange light..... as if some alien creature was waving at me from the dashboard. Gas....Gina....Go Get Gas.

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I read an article a while back that postulated..... when you learn lots of new things quickly.....your brain cells fling new connections at adjoining cells........like hands reaching out to shake other hands.....so ...I may not be suffering from melted brain syndrome but fuzzy brain syndrome......with too many little hands trying to shake too many other little hands.

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I'm going to head down to the kitchen and pour myself a tall glass of wine.....maybe I can make all these excited little hands go limp for the evening.

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They can all regroup and get friendly in the morning.

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